Eyes Without A Face
by godrevypoint
Summary: WIP Haruhi is in for one of the most eye opening years of her life. She gets exposed to drugs, sex, and cynical love. Rated M for adult themes, drug use, and sexuality.
1. A Minor Disagreement

**Author's Note**: This is my first attempt at writing Ouran fan fiction, so please be gentle.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of this; I'm merely manipulating a manga series to create my own plot.

* * *

Haruhi Fujioka was a smart girl. She was naïve but she had all the book smarts a commoner needed to be accepted into the prestigious Ouran Academy.

Her dream was to become a lawyer – even half the lawyer her mother had been. She wanted to go out each morning feeling confident and come home each night feeling accomplished. She hoped that someday she could inspire her own children to be great.

Presently she was a 16 year old girl trying to deal with the stress of school and the Ouran Host Club. It was surprising to many when they found out she was part of a Host Club, as it contradicted her very nature and personality. She was an independent and quiet girl – and yet she was part of a Host Club, in which she entertained young girls and fooled them into believing she was a boy. One must ask, why would any girl put herself through that?

Because she had to.

Haruhi had been a part of the Host Club since she began school in her freshman year. Currently a second-year in high school, she still had a large debt to pay for the vase she accidentally broke over a year ago.

She would never admit aloud to anyone that she actually enjoyed being in the Host Club. If it hadn't been for the club, she wouldn't have made many friends at all. Now she had plenty of friends, all of whom were boys. Most girls would feel flustered at the attention she received from these boys, but Haruhi had never held gender in high regard. It was part of the reason that she was willing to pass herself off as a boy. She believed that gender was only a small complication, and that it should never get in your way.

Besides, she had grown up with a hard-working feminist mother and a currently widowed transvestite father. It would be hypocritical of her to think that gender mattered, when it so clearly didn't.

At the moment Haruhi was trudging up one of the grand staircases of Ouran Academy with a heavy book sack on her back, making her way to the Third Music Room – the headquarters of the Host Club.

She opened the large wooden doors and heaved a sigh, panting to catch her breath.

"HARUHI!" she heard a male voice squeal.

Haruhi squeezed her eyes shut and cursed under her breath before turning around.

"Hello senpai," she said politely to her elder, Tamaki Suoh.

Tamaki was a tall 17 year old who did not look Japanese at all. He was half-French and most of his gene pool had taken after that. He had platinum blond hair and large, blue-purple eyes that were always curious and playful. He mostly acted like a petulant child, but he had his moments when he would show surprising amounts of growth and maturity. His only vulnerability was caring too much about the people around him.

"Haruhi, I have not seen you in so long!" he whined, hovering over her shoulders like an excited puppy. His eyes were large and gleeful.

"Senpai, I just saw you over the summer," said Haruhi reasonably yet bitterly. She was still not over the fact that the Host Club had invaded her apartment over the summer. She had so been looking forward to the summer when she could get away from the Host Club for a while and just relax.

"But that was weeks ago!" protested Tamaki.

Haruhi decided the best approach was to just ignore him, and she made her way to the back of the room where she set her heavy book sack on a couch and stretched her arms, tired from the first day back to school.

Around the room the other three members of the Host Club were doing their various activities. Kyouya Ootori was predictably typing away on his laptop, oblivious to his surroundings. His face was straight and his glasses were reflecting the light from the room so that his gray, cold eyes were not visible. He had a slight furrow in his brow, showing his frustration. Haruhi wondered what was bothering him now.

On the other side of the room the red-haired twins, Kaoru and Hikaru, were whispering to each other, a mischievous glint in their eyes.

The room seemed so empty without its other two members, Hunny and Mori. They had graduated the previous year and were now attending a prestigious university together, which was not far from Ouran. Haruhi missed Hunny's adorable way of speaking and attaching himself to her legs, and his penchant for sweet foods. She also missed Mori and his silent wisdom. He seldom spoke but when he did he always had something interesting to say.

"Haruhi," sing-songed Kaoru, finally taking note of her, "We don't have any classes together this year!"

Hikaru agreed and complained, "Maybe we should go to the headmaster and ask him to change our schedules!"

"Please don't!" Haruhi pleaded, sincerely hoping the twins wouldn't ask to change their schedules. "I see you both everyday as it is, I just want to focus on my studies during school hours."

Suddenly Kyouya spoke from behind his laptop, "Tamaki, a Host Club without Hunny and Mori is illogical. We'll lose costumers and ideas."

"Oh, don't worry about that, Kyouya," said Tamaki airily. "We can always ask more people to join our Host Club."

The twins were alarmed.

Hikaru protested, "Ask more people to join? But this is our Host Club! Five people are more than enough!"

Always the rational twin, Kaoru said gently, "It's okay, Hikaru. It's still going to be our Host Club, but we do need more people."

Kyouya took note of Haruhi's inquisitive expression and said, "Something on your mind, Fujioka?"

Haruhi chose her words wisely. "Wouldn't it be unwise to add more people to the club? Our costumers are already so used to us and they trust us. Adding more people would only confuse our costumers and might ruin us. How do we know we can trust these new members? We're not loved by everyone, after all."

Kyouya praised her with a raise of his eyebrows. "That's exactly what I was thinking. Tamaki seems to think everything will be fine, however."

"Because everything _will_ be fine!" said Tamaki, annoyed. "Only two new members, I promise. We can hold auditions! And it'll be a rule that everyone has to agree on the new member."

Everyone else in the room was reluctant, most of all Hikaru, who looked angry at the prospect of having to share his world with new people. Kaoru was the only one willing to give Tamaki's idea a chance.

Kyouya heaved a sigh and resumed typing on his laptop. "I'll send an email out to all the boys in Ouran, letting them know of the audition."

The remainder of the session consisted of Haruhi trying and failing to get some studying in, being distracted constantly by either the twins or Tamaki. Haruhi appreciated Kyouya's cold and indifferent demeanor for once, as he never irritated Haruhi in any way.

She looked over at him again, lost in thought, and she saw the furrow in his brow once again. He looked up at her suddenly and looked at her with his gray eyes, and then looked back down at the keyboard. Haruhi, with Tamaki's arms around her shoulders protectively, was left staring at Kyouya.


	2. What I'm Looking For

**Author's Note: **Thanks for the reviews so far! I hope I won't disappoint.

To answer someone's question, this is a Kyouya/Haruhi fic. I've always liked this couple and thought it would be fitting to make this my first fic.

I'll update as regularly as I can – usually a few new chapters per week. Please keep reviewing and giving positive or negative feedback!

* * *

It was the end of the first week of school and Haruhi was already exhausted. This year her professors were really piling the homework on and she was looking forward to getting it all done on the weekend.

However it was Friday afternoon which meant one thing – auditions for the new host members.

Haruhi wasn't sure why Tamaki insisted she be there in the first place. She was not a permanent member of the Host Club – she fully intended to leave the club as soon as her debt was paid. Besides, she got along with almost everyone, so she didn't think her opinion would be very helpful.

However, Tamaki was a very persuasive – mostly annoying, actually – teenager and he always got his way, so at the moment Haruhi was walking very slowly towards the Third Music Room. She had had to stop and change into male clothing before she went to the auditions, so she would be late. She had no doubts that Kyouya would make some complaint about her tardiness, but she was willing to take that risk.

When she opened the doors to the Third Music Room, Haruhi could hear Tamaki squealing happily, excited about the auditions.

"How kind of you to show up," said a cold voice sarcastically.

Haruhi didn't have to turn around to know who was speaking. Only one member of the Host Club spoke so emotionlessly.

"I'm sorry, Kyouya-senpai," she explained patiently. "I had to change."

"Haruhi, you're here!" exclaimed Tamaki, bouncing up and down on the heels of his feet. He looked like a little boy who had received a new toy at Christmas time. "Look at all the people who came!"

Looking around, Haruhi realized that the music room had more occupants than its usual five members. There were at least twenty boys chatting in various places of the room. Haruhi recognized many of them from seeing them around the campus, but there were a few new faces to her.

Tamaki clapped his hand together loudly to call order in the room. Immediately every body in the room stopped talking and focused their attention solely on him, most of the faces looking anxious or eager. Haruhi couldn't believe people were actually excited about wasting their time in a Host Club. There were so many other more fulfilling activities around the school. Her naïveté proved itself, because the thought that all these boys were here solely to meet other girls never crossed her mind. Haruhi still had a lot of growing up to do, evidently.

"I'm so glad you all came!" gushed Tamaki, smiling brilliantly. "It was very sad to see Takashi and Mitsukuni leave us, but we're still going to continue the Host Club and we're all excited to pick some new members. It's also sad to report that we can only pick two new members."

There were several nervous glances exchanged around the room. Only two new members? What were the chances of getting picked out of so many boys?

Kyouya took over from there, explaining the procedure. Each interview would last ten minutes and would consist of a five-minute interview with the Host members and a five-minute physical test – seeing how the boy would react with girls. The test subject was Haruhi.

Wait, what?

Haruhi's ears perked up when she heard this piece of information. How is it that every other member of the Host Club had neglected to tell her this? She looked at Kyouya, surprised, and she could tell he was suppressing a smirk.

She felt two pairs of hands – one around her shoulders and the other around her waist – pull her into the back room and she yelped, surprised

The twins were working quickly, rummaging through boxes of clothes. Finally Kaoru exclaimed, 'Ah hah!' and produced a beautiful short blue dress. It was one of the dresses from the King and Queen dance that the Host Club had held at the beginning of her freshman year.

When she put on the dress she realized that it was a bit tight – particularly around her bosom, and she seemed to burst out of it. When Kaoru and Hikaru saw her they both had to control themselves, afraid of gaping at her figure.

Kaoru quickly applied make-up to her face.

"Haruhi, we want to make you look very pretty," he exclaimed. "We want to make the boys flustered so they'll mess up."

"That's not very nice," said Haruhi doubtfully, looking down at herself.

Ten minutes later Haruhi was making a fool of herself as she tried to be seductive. She really wasn't a good seductress.

The boy opposite her was tall and had brown hair. He had a nervous face and his eyes kept shifting from her to the other Host Club members, as if wondering what to do.

Haruhi fidgeted with the hem of her dress, trying to bat her eyelashes appealingly.

"So…senpai," she began shyly, "You look so handsome! How do you do it? Ahhhhh."

Kyouya looked up at her, giving her a very weird look. Haruhi blushed – she had been trying to imitate some of the girls who frequented the Host Club.

"Um…" responded the nervous boy, "I put gel in my hair sometimes…and I wash my face with expensive soap…"

"Next!" hollered Hikaru, a bored expression on his face.

The boy bowed his head and blushed, and made a very quick exit, running towards the door. Haruhi pitied the boy almost as much as she pitied herself.

"Haruhi…" began Kaoru hesitantly, "Maybe you should try a little harder…"

"I don't know how to be appealing," muttered Haruhi, looking at the floor.

Tamaki stood grandly and said, "Daughter, it's very easy. Let me show you."

He stepped very close to her and pretended to be her. He batted his eyelashes and let out a high-pitched giggle, and twirled around a bit. Haruhi was amazed at his ability to switch between male and female.

Haruhi tried to imitate him, but when she tried twirling she tripped over her heels and fell over.

"This isn't very easy," she grumbled from the floor, wiping off her dress.

The next boy was aggressive and rude. He answered the Host Club's questions briskly and indifferently, and when it came time to interact with Haruhi, he was rough and cold with her. He was so over-excited and determined to become a part of the Host Club that he actually pulled Haruhi towards him painfully and kissed her. He bit her lips and she struggled to get away from him.

The twins were on him within seconds and Tamaki was standing imperiously, enraged.

Kyouya said calmly but powerfully from his seat with a menacing glare in his eyes, "Sir, this may be a Host Club, but we are not misogynistic womanizers. We respect women and all they have to offer, and if you value your physical health I suggest you leave the premises immediately."

The boy spat on the ground at Kyouya's feet and cursed loudly as he made his grant exit and slammed the doors shut.

"Haruhi!" exclaimed Tamaki, worried, "Haruhi, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," said Haruhi with a stoic expression. "I'm fine."

The truth was she wasn't fine. What bothered her wasn't that she had been so roughly kissed, but that she had been taken advantage of for being a woman. She didn't understand why her gender should make her the weaker opponent. She had a flashback of being at the beach last year when two girls were picked on by perverted bullies. She had tried to stop them; the boys, thinking she was a boy as well, had pushed her off the cliff. Afterwards Tamaki had yelled at her for thinking she could take on two boys, and she remembered thinking 'Well why not? Who cares if I'm a girl? That doesn't mean I'm weaker than anyone else.'

"I think we're done here," said Kyouya with finality. "We can continue the interviews without Haruhi."

Looking at Kyouya, Haruhi realized that he knew exactly what was going on in her head. He was giving her a chance to get away without making a big deal out of it. She stared at him imploringly until he was forced to look back at her with those gray eyes. His eyes revealed nothing, but Haruhi was always perceptive and she could tell he was saving her.

"Thank you, senpai," she said obediently and left the music room, ashamed of herself.


	3. Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

**Author's Note**: As someone pointed out, Korean schools start their new years after winter break. Whether all Asian schools operate this way I do not know, but I'm an ignorant Pakistani and my own school starts its new year after summer vacation. Can you all be darlings and overlook any cultural mishaps you may come across? I tried to do as much research on Japanese schools as I could, but I'm not perfect and I know I'll make mistakes here and there.

* * *

A month later, Haruhi was definitely feeling the strain of her workload for school. To make matters worse, Haruhi's father had asked her to work evening shifts at the transvestite bar he worked at. Haruhi wasn't unaccustomed to her father's night life, but being in the same place as him and seeing him strut down the catwalks of the bar for all the other men and women to gawk at was a bit awkward.

She bussed tables and waited on customers, taking their drink orders. She quite liked the job as it gave her some social introspect and it took the stress off her mind. Yet, the harder she worked at the bar the less she paid attention to her studies, thus resulting in even more stress and even more work to be done. Her Host Club responsibilities were not light either, as this month the Host Club would make its final decision on the two new members.

Haruhi always felt out of place at the bar – she was the youngest, being the only teenage girl in the area. Most of the customers were transvestites themselves or else looked as if they were. Haruhi didn't mind, but she often felt like the rest of the people in the room would single her out and whisper about how unusual she was compared to everyone else.

"Haru-chan!" said a cute voice from somewhere far off.

Haruhi snapped out of her reverie and looked to the entrance of the Third Music Room and was pleasantly surprised to see what looked to be a little blond boy, but was actually Hunny.

"Hunny senpai!" she exclaimed, running to greet him.

He attached himself to her legs familiarly and hugged her tightly. Haruhi looked up and was greeted with a cordial smile by Mori.

"Mori senpai!" she shouted happily. "What are you two doing here?"

"Haru-chan, Haru-chan!" said Hunny gaily, "We came to visit you! I was missing you so much, Haru-chan!"

"Tamaki thought it would be a nice surprise for you," said Kyouya from behind his laptop without looking up.

"Haruhi!" said Tamaki from behind her, "Are you happy?"

"Yes, of course," said Haruhi, resulting in Tamaki becoming overly-ecstatic.

He was bouncing on the soles of his feet, happy about the reunion.

"Tama-chan, we heard you were looking for new members!" said Hunny excitedly.

"Uhn," grunted Mori in agreement.

"We are!" explained Tamaki. "We're going to decide on two new members today. It hasn't been the same without you, Hunny. Or without you, Mori."

"Our income has certainly decreased," grumbled Kyouya bitterly.

"Kyou-chan, you're the same as ever," admonished Hunny. "Always worrying about money. Takashi and I always say you should show love towards people."

Kyouya pointedly ignored Hunny's comment and Haruhi frowned. She made her way to Kyouya desk and gave him a hard stare. He tried to ignore her stare but eventually had to give in.

"What is it, Fujioka?" he asked exasperatedly.

"Hunny's right, you know," said Haruhi knowingly.

"I'll pass on the humanity parade, thanks," said Kyouya airily, turning back to his work.

"Someday you're going to regret being so cold," persisted Haruhi. "You'll be alone and realize that if you'd been a little more compassionate, you could be happy."

"Would you like me to double your debt, Fujioka?" said Kyouya evilly.

"Just think about it, senpai," said Haruhi, walking away from him.

Tamaki didn't look pleased that Kyouya was receiving all of Haruhi's concern and attention. But Kyouya watched Haruhi walk away, wondering why she would even concern herself with him in the first place. Who was he to her, besides a heartless guy who was in charge of her debt?

"I'm glad you came today! You can help us pick new members," said Tamaki to Hunny and Mori.

Hunny was only too excited to help, saying he had missed the Host Club and all the cake and sweets. He said the university looked down upon such things.

Tamaki spread twenty photos – each of one of the boys who had auditioned – on to a large table and the old Host Club gathered around like they used to and poured over the pictures.

One of the photos caught Haruhi's eye. "When did Nekozawa audition?" she asked, alarmed.

"He auditioned after you left," Kaoru explained. "We were just as surprised as you are. He wasn't wearing his robe and he actually wasn't flinching in the face of sunlight. I think the summer has been good to him."

"He's still a freak," said Hikaru bluntly, earning a glare from Haruhi.

"I think it's good for him," said Haruhi thoughtfully. "I always thought all that darkness nonsense was unhealthy."

"He wasn't a bad candidate either," supplied Kaoru. "We had Hikaru pretend to be a girl and he interacted with him really nicely."

"You're right," said Tamaki, thinking hard. "I was quite pleased with him. He still has some kinks to work out but he was polite and charming – exactly how a Host should be."

"He sounds perfect to me," said Haruhi. "And the Host Club would be good for him."

"So it's decided?" asked Kyouya. "Nekozawa is our first candidate?"

The table unanimously nodded their heads and agreed. Nekozawa was the lucky new addition to the Host Club.

"I liked this guy," said Kaoru ten minutes later, pointing to a photograph of a black-haired pale boy. He was handsome and had large but slanting eyes and was smiling pleasantly at the camera.

"What was his name again?" asked Hikaru.

"Hiroshi Yamamoto," said Kyouya factually. "The second son of Masaru Yamamoto, the president of Yamamoto Electrics."

"Yeah, him," said Kaoru. "He was really nice and genuine."

"He's not very good at business," said Kyouya. "My father tells me he'll never inherit Yamamoto Electrics – he lacks the business personality."

"So?" said Haruhi. She looked at him imploringly, as if trying to relay a secret message to him. "Life isn't about being heartless. He seems like he has a nice personality."

"Haruhi, you of all people should understand business ethics. You want to be a lawyer, do you not? Do you really think you can be a successful lawyer if you wear your heart on your sleeve?" Kyouya challenged, his eyes boring into hers.

Tamaki, once again not liking that Haruhi was excluding him, said, "Haruhi, do you think we should let this boy be a part of the Host Club?"

Haruhi was still looking at Kyouya, Tamaki's words lost on her. Hunny tugged on her sleeve and Haruhi snapped back to Tamaki.

"What?"

"Do you think we should let this boy join the Host Club?" Tamaki pressed, desperately trying to keep Haruhi's attention on him.

"Oh, sure," said Haruhi, but it was mostly to annoy Kyouya. She was surprised at this side of herself – the side that wanted to make Kyouya angry and make him realize he was wrong.

Haruhi had never been a competitive or aggressive person. She was always passive and honest and never started confrontation. Yet she couldn't explain why she suddenly wanted to prove herself to Kyouya. She felt the adrenaline rush through her veins.

With the two new members picked, the Host Club could relax and reminisce about the old days. Hunny stayed attached to Haruhi's hip for the next hour and the twins entertained all by playing games and telling jokes. Haruhi was in a good place.


	4. Stranded

**Author's Note: **Sorry it's been a while since I updated! My computer is broken so I'm using my sister's laptop for the time being. Updates will be scarce, but don't worry, I haven't abandoned this fic.

* * *

Haruhi Fujioka was currently on the floor, wiping her knees and scowling. This was the fourth time today that she had fallen down at work, and it was starting to get on her nerves. She was normally a very coordinated person, but today she was just too tired and exhausted to care. She sighed heavily and picked up the tray from the floor and straightened herself out.

"Are you okay, Haruhi?" asked her father from behind his mirror.

"Fine, father," replied Haruhi. "I'm just tired. Do you think I could go home a little early tonight? I still have much school work to do."

"Of course, daughter!" said her father. "You look tired, maybe you should sleep."

Haruhi lugged her heavy book sack outside and waited on the corner for the bus to pick her up. It was well into the evening and the sky was dark as Haruhi stood in the frigid air.

She waited for fifteen minutes before she realized the bus wasn't coming. It was quite late, after all. She and her father usually got rides home from one of her father's friends, but Haruhi hadn't realized that the bus wasn't available at this time.

She stood with her lips pursed, thinking of a way to get home. Her apartment was too far from the bar to walk home, and she didn't want to pester any of her father's friends while they were at work.

Haruhi took out the cell phone that Kaoru and Hikaru had given her the previous year and dialed in Kaoru's number, hoping he would answer. When he didn't, she tried Hikaru's to no avail. Where were they?

Her last resort was to call Tamaki, which she really didn't want to do. Tamaki would make a much bigger deal out of it than it was, and he would never let her live it down.

"Haruhi?!" she heard Tamaki squeal from the other end of the phone. "Haruhi!"

"Hello senpai," she began tentatively. "Are you very busy right now?"

She could hear lots of talking and laughing in the background as Tamaki said, "I'm never too busy for you!"

Suddenly a different voice was speaking to her, a deeper and older voice. "Hello? Whoever this is, you'll just have to call back at a more convenient time. My son is very busy right now."

Haruhi heard Tamaki's protests in the background before his father shut the phone.

Haruhi cursed under her breath and paused before she dialed in Kyouya's number. Did she really want to call him? He would probably just hang up on her.

"This is Kyouya," said a cool voice in an urgent tone.

"K-Kyouya-senpai?" said Haruhi sheepishly.

Kyouya sounded somewhat surprised. "Fujioka?"

"I'm sorry to bother you, senpai, but I'm stuck at my dad's bar. I would not have called you, but I had no other way of getting home, and I have so much homework to do…"

"It's fine, Haruhi," Kyouya cut her off. "I'll send a driver to collect you. But I'll have to add it on to your debt."

Haruhi was so startled that she couldn't think of a reply.

After a pause Kyouya said, "That was a joke, Haruhi."

"Oh," said Haruhi lamely. "I'm just so used to you being serious all the time…"

Kyouya chuckled awkwardly and said, "There should be a car for you in a few minutes."

Haruhi thanked him and hung up, feeling a smile tugging at her lips. For unknown reasons, the fact that Kyouya had joked with her made her happy. Maybe Kyouya was changing for the better after all.

Ten minutes later a sleek black car pulled up to the curb. A man with a black suit stepped out of the driver's seat and gave her a polite bow and opened the back door for her. Haruhi was unused to such treatment and thanked him awkwardly. She was silent for the entire ride home and was surprised to find that the driver knew where her house was without her having to tell him. Perhaps Kyouya had told him.

She was blushing slightly when the driver opened the door for her again, afraid that he would think less of her now that he had seen where she lived. However, he was polite and even gave her a friendly wink when she thanked him again.

* * *

The next day at school, Haruhi was even more exhausted than the day before. She had barely gotten any sleep as she had so much homework, and then right before bed she realized she had a science test the next day and she had to get up again to study. She looked sickly, her skin was pale and there were noticeable purple bags under her normally bright eyes, which today lacked luster and were dull. She looked like a wreck.

She managed to get through her classes without falling asleep, then after school she forced herself up the stairs to the Third Music Room. She could feel her muscles aching and she barely felt able to move.

Kyouya was predictably sitting behind his laptop, typing away fast. Tamaki was bouncing up and down as he greeted the new members, Hiroshi and Nekozawa. Kaoru and Hikaru were playing a game with marbles on the floor.

Haruhi trudged over to Kyouya and said, "I wanted to thank you again, senpai, for helping me last night."

"It was nothing, Haruhi," said Kyouya. When he looked up at her, he looked alarmed. "Fujioka, what's wrong with you?"

Haruhi frowned, confused. "What do you mean, Kyouya-senpai?"

"You look…" he trailed off, looking at her with masked concern. A second later he was back to his usual demeanor and said after clearing his throat. "Nothing. Never mind."

Haruhi eyed him suspiciously then made her way to Tamaki to meet the new members.

"Hello Nekozawa," she said politely to the blond. "It's nice to see you again."

"Likewise," said Nekozawa in his ominous voice. He was still flinching against the sunlight, apparently not yet used to its brightness.

"If I may ask," said Haruhi, "Why are you so different now?"

"It's no problem," said Nekozawa humbly. "My father…he was…not pleased with my lifestyle. He thought it was time I became a man and became ready to inherit his fortune."

"And this is Hiroshi Yamamoto," introduced Tamaki.

Hiroshi Yamamoto was a skinny and tall boy with a pleasant face. He looked like an all-around good person with a sunny personality. He was polite and chivalrous, quite like an old-fashioned gentleman. He shook Haruhi's hand firmly and asked after her health and wellbeing.

"There is…something about Fujioka that you should know," said Tamaki. "As part of the Host Club, it would be easier on all of us if you two knew."

Tamaki looked at Haruhi expectantly, hoping she would continue.

She cleared her throat nervously and said, "I'm…I'm not a boy."

"I know," said Nekozawa calmly.

Haruhi looked up at him sharply, surprised. "You know…?"

"I thought as much," replied Nekozawa nonchalantly. "There were lots of signs. And I happened to see you in the changing room last year."

He dished out this piece of embarrassing information so indifferently that Haruhi scarcely believed it. Nekozawa had seen her _naked_?!

Tamaki was outraged. "You've seen…You've seen Haruhi in an indecent state!"

Haruhi's faced colored pink and she cowered over on herself, embarrassed that anyone had seen her fully unclothed.

"Can we just forget about this?" she said quietly. "It's okay, senpai, you don't need to make a big deal out of this."

Tamaki exploded, mostly out of jealousy because another man had seen Haruhi without her clothes on and he hadn't. He wanted to ask Nekozawa if what he saw was good before he kicked himself mentally for even considering such a thing. He fumed for the remainder of the session in the corner, refusing to talk to anyone, most of all Haruhi. Haruhi was scandalized by Tamaki's behavior and his refusal to talk to her. It's not like she had purposefully planned Nekozawa to see her. If anyone should be angry, she should be angry at Nekozawa for keeping it a secret for so long, but she was being the mature person and forgiving him.

Kyouya seemed to act somewhat peculiarly as well. He was closing himself off from the rest of the Host Club more than usual and he left early. The twins were much of a help either. They both seemed angry at Haruhi, even though she tried to convince them that it was purely an accident that Nekozawa saw her. In the end, Haruhi was left to entertain and explain the rules of procedure to the new members by herself. She was annoyed, exhausted, and hungry when she got home.


	5. More Than Meets The Eye

**Author's Note: **I'm sooo sorry I haven't updated in ages! Please forgive me. : (  
As usual, please review! Reviews motivate me to write more.

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Over the course of her young years, Haruhi had come to accept the fact that if she wanted something to happen, she would have to make it. Her father wasn't necessarily a go-getter, but her mother had always been. When she was a child, Haruhi would always observe her mother and how she made things happen. She had always thought her mother made things happen by magic, because she made it look so easy, but now that Haruhi had to take control of reigns, she found it was very hard. She had to juggle the Host Club, her father, her part-time job, and of course, the most important - her school work. All of these were very important to her, and she didn't want to fail at any of these. The Host Club, as annoying as the members and the tasks were, was still important to her. She secretly liked being around the boys - her boys - and being a part of something so...welcoming. 

That secret feeling did not make anything easier, however. Even with so much going on in her life, Haruhi still felt empty, like something was missing. She was a very intuitive and perceptive girl, but she just couldn't figure out what was missing from her life. She had a loving father, and even if he was very eccentric, he was still a loyal provider. She had friends, or something like friends, and they were all willing to help her in any way they could. She was making some pocket money from her part-time job, so she could buy the little things she wanted. Her school grades were satisfactory. She knew what was missing wasn't her mother - she had reconciled with the fact that she would never come back, and now began to move on. So what was missing? This was a question she just could not answer.

"Am I doing this right?" asked Hiroshi one afternoon. He was still learning the ropes of the Host Club, and was currently learning how to brew Japanese Blossom Tea.

Haruhi tasted the tea he had made, and tried not to grimace. "It's...awful, actually."

Hiroshi laughed good-naturedly, however, and took the tea back. He tasted it himself and gagged. "It is awful!"

"Maybe you should use less tea leaves?" suggested Haruhi politely.

Haruhi liked Hiroshi. He was such a simple, drama-free boy. He was nice to everyone - even the twins, when they were being annoying - and he was helpful. He was smart, studious, and respectful. If Haruhi had the time to think about dating, she might have liked Hiroshi in such a way, but alas - Haruhi, however intelligent she may be, was still dubious to the differences between a girl and a boy, and therefore felt no reason to pursue the opposite sex.

"Truth be told, I do not like tea," said Hiroshi, fidgeting nervously with his wrist-watch. "I have never prepared it before."

"I'm usually the one who prepares the tea, anyway, so you shouldn't worry," said Haruhi, smiling at him. She took the cup of tea from him and placed it down on the table. She was currently not wearing her Host Club attire - just her simple blue dress that she sometimes wore to the market. Today was not a school day, after all. In fact, they were currently congregated at the twins' home, so everyone could teach the two new Host members the trade.

"Hikaru, your house is so quiet," said Haruhi. "Where is your family?

Kaoru, popping up beisde Hikaru, rolled his eyes and said nonchalantly, "Our parents don't feel the need to be parents anymore. Father thinks we've reached the age where we can take care of ourselves. He and our mother travel a lot, due to father's business. They're in...what, Hell, I think?"

"Very funny, Kaoru," said Haruhi dryly.

"Just a joke, Haruhi," said Hikaru. "I think they're in Italy."

"Oh, that sounds nice," said Haruhi optimistically.

"Yeah, well we wouldn't know, would we?" snapped Hikaru. "We never get to go on business trips with them."

"At least you have each other," said Haruhi, "And the Host Club too."

"Oh yeah, we just love the Host Club. It's a regular riot these days," said Kaoru sarcastically.

Haruhi was beginning to get agitated with the twins' constant negative and hurtful behavior. Even though it was doubtful Kaoru meant anything personally, it was still hurtful to know that Kaoru didn't think much of the Host Club - especially since Haruhi was pouring her heart and soul into it.

She said nothing and turned abruptly on her heel. Kaoru and Hikaru exchanged confused glances before shrugging, thinking nothing of Haruhi's behavior, and continuing with their childish ways. When Haruhi looked back at Hiroshi, she saw that both he and Nekozawa were being trained by Tamaki. She didn't want to Tamaki while he looked so determined and serious, so Haruhi turned to Kyouya, who was predictably typing away at his laptop.

"Hello senpai," said Haruhi, taking a seat beside him. She noticed that he moved just slightly away from her.

"Hello Haruhi," replied Kyouya without looking up. "Can I help you with something?"

"No," said Haruhi, "I was just...kind of bored."

"Well I'm sorry that the Host Club is boring you," replied Kyouya, and Haruhi was unsure if he was mad or not. He had a way of speaking so that you never knew what his real emotions were.

"I'm not bored by the Host Club!" exclaimed Haruhi, frantically trying to cover up her slip in speech. Kyouya had a tendency to bring out the worst in her. Especially the worst nervousness when speaking. "I was only..."

"It's fine, Haruhi, I was not being serious," said Kyouya, resuming his typing.

Haruhi didn't say anything for a few minutes, but finally, "You know, Kyouya-senpai, you've made two jokes in the past few days."

A slight pause, before he said, "And what of it?"

"Well, it's just...you never joke. You're always serious and practical and reasonable."

"You make me sound quite boring," said Kyouya.

When Haruhi couldn't think of a reply, Kyouya said, "Do you think I'm boring?"

"Well...all I know about you is that you spend an immense amount of time on your laptop," said Haruhi carefully, trying to maintain neutral. Truth be told, she thought Kyouya was predictable, and, yes, a tad boring.

"Ah," was all Kyouya said. Then, "Well, I'm off to spend another immense amount of time on my laptop...in a different setting."

"Kyouya," began Haruhi, but Kyouya was already walking away. She cursed herself for being so tongue-tied and flustered. She wasn't even sure if Kyouya was mad or upset or what, and she was damn sure he wasn't about to tell her about his feelings. If he even had feelings, that is.

Being constantly surrounded by boys often had setbacks. Boys were never upfront about their feelings; they tried to hide themselves away as much as possible, so what they portrayed of themselves was only the tip of the iceberg. Haruhi was not very apt at figuring boys out, since her own father was hardly manly. Haruhi, though not girly herself, was still a girl in her own right, and being a girl meant being dubious to the inner workings of the opposite sex. Sometimes she desperately wished for a female friend, a very girly female friend, who knew all about boys and why they did the things they did. Like right now, she wished someone could tell her what had just happened with Kyouya. Was he angry? Was he hurt? Was he indifferent? The list of questions Haruhi couldn't answer was rapidly growing, and she didn't like it.

"Hello Fujioka," said Nekozawa, taking a seat opposite her.

Haruhi was still frowning after Kyouya as she said, "You can call me Haruhi, Nekozawa."

"I wasn't sure if you were still mad about...last year."

Haruhi reddened and crouched in on herself, but managed to say, "Well, as long you never mention that to anyone ever again, and you never _ever_ think about it again, we'll be fine."

"Okay, that's a deal," said Nekozawa. He seemed to be looking anywhere but at her, and then he said, "Haruhi, I am unaccostumed to looking directly at people's faces, and I am certainly not adept at interpreting people's expressions, but I sense that you are upset."

"Do you know a lot about Kyouya?" asked Haruhi, surprising Nekozawa.

"Otori?" said Nekozawa, glancing suspiciously at Haruhi. "I just know about his father's financial empire, and that Kyouya is last in line to inherit anything. He works very hard to succeed his brothers, but his brothers have already accomplished so much that it is hard to step out of their shadow. He also has a sister, Otori Fuyumi, but she...never succumbed to her father's wishes. Her father still provides for her financially, but he has nothing to do with her otherwise. I've met her and I believe...I believe she is one of the nicest, most kind-hearted people you will ever meet."

This was certainly news to Haruhi. She had no idea Kyouya had a sister, and a sister who didn't follow the family's wishes. Haruhi guessed she knew why Kyouya never mentioned it - he was either ashamed of her, or protecting her from everyone else. She hoped it was the latter, because it would mean Kyouya actually cared for someone other than himself.

"So that's all Kyouya-senpai does?" asked Haruhi. "He must do things just for...just for fun. He can't spend every minute of his life working to impress his father."

"Why the sudden interest in Otori?" asked Nekozawa, giving her that suspicious glare again.

Haruhi hesitated before she confided in him. "I don't want to seem arrogant, Nekozawa-senpai, but I feel like I have everyone figured out. I know Tamaki like the back of my hand, and I always know what he's going to do. I'm probably the only one who can tell the twins apart. I know what Hunny-senpai's favorite chocolates are. I know what Mori-senpai's worst fear is. But Kyouya...I always think he's predictable, but I realize that I don't know anything about him. I just don't like not knowing anything about him."

"I don't think anyone really does know anything about him," said Nekozawa wisely. "He's a smart person. He knows how to keep his affairs private."

"I wish he wouldn't," grumbled Haruhi. "He can't bottle himself up forever."

"Maybe you're making a bigger ordeal of this than it is," said Nekozawa. "He's just a neglected kid who's trying to please his father. Who are we to interfere with that?"

"No one," said Haruhi unwillingly. She looked at Kyouya, who was now typing in the room across the hall, and she could faintly make out the furrow in his brow, and the determination in his face. He looked up at her briefly, locked her eyes with his, and Haruhi felt that same feeling she did before. That there was a lot more to this person than just someone trying to please his father. Kyouya had bigger plans for himself - plans that went way beyond his father's empire, plans that didn't involve the Host Club. Haruhi, frightened, looked down abruptly.


	6. Cellphone's Dead

**Author's Note: **I took a bit of a different approach for the story. I haven't read many Ouran stories that included what's about to happen, and I just thought I'd try it and see where it goes. I know I'm being vague, but read the chapter and you'll see! Let me know how you feel. Review please!

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There were two things you needed to know about Haruhi's father: one, he was a very misleading man. Anyone who met him could truthfully say he was a cheery, optimistic, and accepting person. But he wasn't always. There's only so much a man can endure before he snaps, and goes partially insane. He had lost his wife - and with her, he'd lost a part of his heart - and now, he had to watch as his only child, his beautiful daughter, went through some kind of crisis, and she wouldn't talk to him about it. He knew why, it was because she didn't want to bother him with her problems. She probably thought what she was going through was insignificant compared to her father's problems, but that was so untrue. The whole reason for his living was because of her - she kept him alive and happy and healthy. And if there was anything he could do to make her own life more peaceable, he would do it without a moment's hesitation. The second thing, which kind of contradicted the first, was that he didn't know how to be a good father. He knew his lifestyle must have affected Haruhi when she was growing up. But he wasn't always a flamboyant transvestite. He was a completely normal guy, married to the most beautiful and determined woman in the world, and he had even been working his way through engineering school. He was just like everyone else. Then came Haruhi, the new light in his life, and he was forced to take time away from school to look after her while his wife worked hard and brought in the paychecks. Haruhi enchanted him in every way, with her bright eyes and high-pitched giggles. He watched her grow, and his heart became completely filled with her. Then, his wife had died. That day, he felt like a part of him had died too. His soul mate, his counterpart, had left him and he was back to being half a person - no longer whole. He needed money to support his child, and he needed it fast. Engineering school would just have to wait. He went through jobs like Haruhi went through nappies - none of them paid enough and he found himself extremely bored. On the way back to their small apartment, he came across a flyer. Help wanted at a new transvestite bar. Thus began his new life, as a woman, as something less than a father. He had sacrificed his relationship with his daughter, just to provide for her.

"Well, Haruhi, I'm out to work," said he, as he quickly ran his fingers through his hair in front of the mirror. "I won't be home until late, is that okay?"

Haruhi nodded absent-mindedly, not taking her eyes off of her textbook. Her father watched her for a few minutes, a sad twinkle in his eyes as he looked at the one person worth living for. He knew that fuelling her dreams - paying for her school tuition and providing for her in any way possible - was ultimately better for her than a relationship with her lousy, insane father. He steeled himself for another night at the bar, another night of dancing and prancing and drinking, just to entertain some sick perverts. He quite enjoyed it, since it made him forget all about the crumbling life he led, but in the end, it just didn't fill the hole in his heart.

As soon as he was out the door, Haruhi relaxed at the foot of the couch. She closed her textbook, since she couldn't endure another moment of studying and went to the kitchen. She prepared some tea and sushi for herself, and settled in for a night of lonesome television viewing. Personally she thought television dulled the mind and senses, but some of the programs she quite liked, like the ones where American men would attempt to make explosions with a chemistry set. She didn't understand what they were saying, but it was nice to imagine.

Just as she had sunk into the couch, the familiar and annoying ringtone of cell phone sounded from her room. Three guesses who - the twins.

She sighed, annoyed, and ran to her room to catch the call. Sure enough, a picture of the twins was flashing on the phone.

"This is Haruhi," said she, and she was humble enough to wince at her professional and business-like tone.

"This is Hikaru!" said a cheeky voice on the other line.

"Hello Hikaru," said Haruhi. "Why are you calling so late?"

"So late?" said Hikaru, surprised, "It's only eight!"

"Okay, well why are you calling?" said Haruhi, sitting on her bed, getting ready for a long and pointless conversation.

"I don't know, I was bored," said Hikaru, as if he just now realized there was no point in calling. "Our parents are back from their trip, and they're with Kaoru in the other room. They like to talk to us separately…they seem to think we're more mature without each other."

Haruhi stifled a giggle, because she whole-heartedly agreed. Put them together and they're the worst behaving five-year olds in the world; separate them and they're pretty decent teenagers.

"I know you're trying not to laugh," admonished Hikaru. Haruhi was surprised to know that this relationship went two ways. It seemed the twins knew just as much about Haruhi as she knew about them.

"Have you finished your homework? Have you studied?" said Haruhi, taking on the familiar role as nagging parent.

"Yes, mother," said Hikaru. "Kaoru is getting better at forging my handwriting."

"I should have known you wouldn't do your own work," said Haruhi. "Maybe someday."

"Or never," said Hikaru. "So what were you doing? Eating sushi and watching tv?"

"How did you know?" gasped Haruhi. This was getting quite creepy - she had always assumed she was the only perceptive one of the group.

"Because I stalk you and have video camera set up around your house," said Hikaru sarcastically. When Haruhi didn't reply - probably too stunned - he said, "Or maybe I just know you, Haruhi."

"Well if you _know_ me, what was I watching?" said Haruhi, trying to get the best of Hikaru.

"American television. Too easy. You like to pretend you understand what they're saying, and you someday want to learn to speak English," said Hikaru nonchalantly.

"How…" was all Haruhi could say, she was still too stunned.

"Honestly, Haruhi, I'm hurt. You really think I don't know anything about you?" said Hikaru, putting on his best offended voice.

"Well, yes, that's what I thought," said Haruhi as if it were obvious. "It's usually just me who picks up on things."

"Well, if the subject is interesting enough, I'm willing to learn. And Haruhi, the subject of you is quite interesting," said Hikaru.

"Okay, let's talk about the subject of _biology_, Hitachiin-san," said Haruhi evilly.

"Or let's talk about the Host Club, and how it's dwindling!" suggested Hikaru.

"Oh god, please don't start," said Haruhi. "What complaints have you today?"

"Hmm, let's see…we have two new _weird_ members. Tamaki is steadily going more insane each day. Kyouya's being all private and scary as usual. And then there's you."

"What about me?" said Haruhi indignantly.

"You're going off the eeeeedge," said Hikaru smoothly.

"What?"

"You're just a bit peaky these days. You okay?" asked Hikaru, switching tracks to the concerned friend.

"You're the third person to ask me that. My father was asking earlier today if I was having a crisis. And our biology professor had me stay after class. Am I looking different or something?" asked a confused Haruhi.

"A bit more stressed than usual. More spacey. More distant. Yeah, you're looking different," said Hikaru.

"I feel the same," said Haruhi, frowning.

"Then maybe feeling the same isn't working out for you," said Hikaru, showing an usual side of wisdom. "Be something different."

"But…I'm me. I can't be different," said Haruhi.

"Oh, Fujioka, you're so naïve. Do something different. Try something new," said Hikaru.

"Like what?"

"I know you're going to be mad," started Hikaru hesitantly, "But it makes you feel amazing. You feel so different and see things in an entirely different way."

Haruhi was getting nervous now. What was he talking about?

"Hikaru…" started Haruhi in a warning tone. "What makes you feel different?"

"Before you yell, it's not going to destroy me or anything. It's only once in a while, but it makes a difference."

"Hikaru! Tell me right now!"

"It's kind of like _shabu,_ but kind of stronger…"

"HIKARU! Please, please tell me it's not cocaine."

Silence.

"Hikaru?"

"Don't be mad. A family friend of ours introduced me and Kaoru to it. It's not unhealthy or whatever else the media says it is. It's not addicting, but it changes you. You'd be so different."

"I can't…I can't believe this. Since when?" said Haruhi, shocked to the point of tears.

"Only a month or so. Please believe me, Haruhi, it's not bad. Don't think less of me," begged Hikaru.

Haruhi's mind raced back to the past month, wondering if there were any signs that the twins were using. She couldn't recall any big differences - maybe a bit more jumpy or hyper than usual, but they were still the same twins. And even if they weren't the same, it was their decision. Haruhi was not at all a judgmental person. She inherited her father's accepting nature. After all, she was posing herself as a boy, was she not? She had no partial preferences about gender, so why should she about drugs? Haruhi was just an indifferent person, in nature.

"How does it make you feel?" asked Haruhi, curious in spite of herself.

She could hear Hikaru let out a sigh of relief on the other end. "It makes you feel impenetrable. On top of the world. It's not always easy being the funny, hyper ones. This just gives us a little boost."

Was it wrong for Haruhi to feel intrigued? It's not like Haruhi had been taught drugs were bad. Her father, she knew, dabbled in drugs and alcohol, as was a part of his job. He didn't seem insane or addicted. He seemed…happy, actually. She wondered if the reason he wasn't still depressed about her mother's death was because he had an escape - a place to go when he was sad or grieving. Did drugs give him that escape? And now that she thought about it, all the Host Club members were just so unrealistic sometimes. Were Tamaki and Kyouya also doing drugs? Why had no one ever told her about this before?

"Are you there, Haruhi?" asked Hikaru.

"Hikaru…do you think I could…try it? Just once?" said Haruhi timidly.

Hikaru paused before he said, "Are you sure? I don't want you to think I'm pressuring you."

"Just once," said Haruhi firmly.

"I…if you're sure it's what you want…" said Hikaru.

There was some background shuffling, and then she heard Kaoru's faint voice in the background. "Haruhi, I have to go, but I'll, I'll talk to you tomorrow, all right?" said Hikaru.

"Tomorrow," confirmed Haruhi.


	7. High and Dry

**Author's Note: **Yay reviews! They make me happy. And someone said they wanted to see things from Kyouya's point of view. I'm sorry, but this whole story is going to be from Haruhi's omniscient point of view. You'll still get the idea of how Kyouya's feeling, but it won't be as detailed as Haruhi. I'm entertaining the idea of maybe one chapter dedicated to Kyouya, but that's a big maybe.

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Haruhi had a nice weekend. It was short, sweet, and well-needed. After last night and that surreal conversation with Hikaru, Haruhi was looking forward to going back to school where her classes made sense.

Except for, of course, Hikaru was a part of the Host Club which meant she would have to see him sooner or later. She wasn't doubting her decision, she was genuinely curious and wanted to see what all the fuss about drugs was. Her father had come home late, drunk, and giggly. She wanted to be as loose and happy as him, though she vowed never to let an addiction develop.

"Hello Haruhi," said Hikaru solemnly from behind her.

She cursed the wretched day; it was only morning and she'd run into Hikaru already.

"So…" he said, thinking of what to say.

"I'm still…uh…positive about my decision," she said, wincing at the abnormality of her tone. She was talking as if this conversation were about the weather, or the decision to form a study group or something.

"Well, okay, that's uh…okay," said Hikaru, running a hand through his hair nervously. "I told Kaoru, of course. Whenever you're ready we can…um, just let me know."

"I don't want you to feel weird, Hikaru," said Haruhi. "I'm only trying it."

He gave a nervous laugh and said, "Of course not. It's perfectly okay; you'll be perfectly okay."

"Okay."

Silence.

"So, maybe tonight?" said Haruhi.

"Sure."

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The rest of the day went smoothly for Haruhi. She wasn't dwelling tonight like Hikaru was. To Haruhi, it didn't seem like a big deal. As previously mentioned, Haruhi was very open to new things. She was willing to do basically anything to feel happy and normal, so if there was a way, Haruhi would find it. Hikaru, however, was nervous all day. Although _he _firmly believed cocaine was okay and harmless, he was sure the other Host Club members would think so. Especially Tamaki. It wasn't as if Tamaki was a saint - he'd certainly dabbled in drugs - but he wouldn't be very happy to know his 'daughter' was doing them as well. Hikaru was unsure if Kyouya had ever done any sort of drug, but found it unlikely. Kyouya was too straight-laced and boring for that sort of thing.

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After school at the usual Host Club meeting, Haruhi was running a bit late. She had been asked to stay after school by her biology professor - again he was asking if everything was all right. Haruhi was tired of saying, yes, I really am all right, professor, thanks for your concern. She rushed up the stairs and slammed open the door to the Third Music Room suite, panting to catch her breath.

"There you are Haruhi!" squealed Tamaki. She noticed that the twins jumped on the other side of the room.

"Sorry I'm late, senpai," she apologized, but gave him no explanation. He didn't need to know. He seemed a bit upset that she didn't tell him why she was late, but he continued anyway. Haruhi flopped down beside the twins and listened to Tamaki's crazy new schemes for the Host Club. Kyouya, as always, was not paying attention, and was in his own little cyber world. Haruhi wondered if when he was on the computer, he wasn't really attending to Host Club business but business of his own.

The meeting finally ended 45 minutes later, and Haruhi collected her things. The twins lingered by the door for her, trying not to look suspicious. Tamaki was still in the room, waiting for Haruhi to leave, being the gentleman that he was. Kyouya had long since packed his things and headed home. Haruhi noticed Tamaki shooting the twins suspicious glances.

"Aren't you leaving, Haruhi?" asked Tamaki expectantly.

Haruhi glanced quickly at Hikaru and said, "Um, yes. I think I'll just use the washroom first."

She left the room and walked down the hallway. She heard the twins say their goodbyes before they came running behind her, ushering her to hurry up to the limo waiting outside. They got in, and Haruhi felt a weird adrenaline rush. Like they were doing something completely exhilarating and exciting, except they really weren't - running away from Tamaki could hardly be considered exciting. It was an everyday thing, truth be told.

"Okay, so you're sure?" said Kaoru once safely inside the limo. "I don't want you to hate us forever if you don't like what you experience."

Haruhi rolled her eyes. "Trying it once can hardly affect our friendship."

They rode mostly in silence, except for Hikaru's attempts to break the ice and make conversation. When they arrived at the Hitachiin estate, it was predictably empty except for the random maid or butler. The trio did not rush to the backroom; they ate a snack, chatted amiably, and basically put off everything as long as possible. Haruhi was getting agitated now.

"So, shall we?" she said inclining her head upwards.

The twins gave each other a meaningful glance before leading Haruhi upstairs. There was a door in the bedroom leading to another small, backroom where there was a table with lots of pills and weird contraptions. Apparently Hikaru had understated quite a bit. The twins took a seat on the floor by the table, and, hesitantly, Kaoru demonstrated to Haruhi. He chopped the rock with a razorblade until it was a fine powder, and arranged the white powder in a line on a silver tin tray. He did this so expertly that Haruhi was sure he had done it many, many times before. He took out a banknote from his pocket, rolled it up until it was a small tube, and took a deep breath before lowering his face to the powder, and inhaling the white stuff with the banknote. It went up his nose, he sniffed and blinked many times, and handed the banknote to Hikaru. It was all fascinating.

Timidly, Haruhi stepped forward and took the banknote from Hikaru's outstretched hand. She sat and lowered her face…

* * *

A half hour later, Haruhi was afraid to go home. She was hyper, on top of the world, _giddy_, for God's sake, and she could not possibly let her father see her like this. Hikaru, who was just as bouncy as she, handed her a phone.

She stared at the dials, and the numbers just seemed to jump out at her and scream, "Do it, do it!"

She quickly dialed in her number before she lost her nerve, and her father answered.

"Is that you, Haruhi? Where are you?" he asked normally. He had no reason to suspect anything.

"Well, dad, I…I was wondering if I could spend the night at a friend's house," said Haruhi quickly. Her speech, as a side affect, was quick and frantic.

"Oh? And which friend is this? Some _boy_ from the Host Club?" he asked, half teasingly and half sternly.

"Um…"

"I won't mind if it's Kyouya," said her father. "He's a respectable and sensible man."

"Yes, it's Kyouya," said Haruhi, lying through her teeth. "His father has invited me to stay. He's a very nice man and he has a lot of things to tell me about being a lawyer."

"That's great!" exclaimed Haruhi's dad. "Sounds like a good guy. Be sensible…and don't make me regret letting you stay there."

"Of course not," said Haruhi, cursing herself. She said goodbye and quickly shut the phone.

The truth was, she was only upset about lying. She wasn't upset about _why_ she was lying, because in her opinion, this cocaine thing wasn't bad. She still felt like the same exact person, albeit a little happier and freer and lighter and better. It made her feel alive.

"Hey Kaoru, do you have a blanket? I feel a bit feverish," said Haruhi, in a fast and slurred manner. She was currently drawing a picture on the same table where the rest of the drugs were stored. She wasn't sure what the picture was of…all she could tell was that it was colorful and pretty. She liked it.

"I like your picture! Is it a girl?" asked Hikaru from behind her.

Haruhi giggled madly, "Of course not, silly! It's…it's a house! With flowers and a lake and…and um…I don't know, but it's pretty!"

Hikaru giggled beside her, and tried to rotate the picture - no matter how he looked at it, it simply did not look like a house. It was most definitely a girl…a very pretty girl with short black hair, large brown eyes, and a cute button nose…

* * *

Haruhi woke the annoying sound of a loud alarm clock. She looked around her, confused, and realized the time was ten to nine. She had to be at school by nine! She jumped up, and found that she was on the floor, with a passed-out Hikaru lying beside her. She found Kaoru sleeping on the other side of the tiny room, snoring loudly.

"Get up!" she yelled, shoving Hikaru. He groaned, annoyed, and turned over.

"We have school! Get up, get up!"

After a few minutes of prying and shoving, she managed to get the twins up. They were equally as surprised as she, and they frantically scrambled to get dressed in time for school. Haruhi ran to the hallway washroom - which was probably larger than her entire apartment - and found spare toothbrushes in the washroom closet. She freshened up, noticed some horrible bags under her eyes, and scurried out to the waiting limo. She didn't have time to look at herself, but she knew she looked like a mess. Her clothes were wrinkled and buttoned the wrong way and her hair was sticking in every direction. The twins didn't look much better, but they were more focused on making it to school on time, to be honest.

After school at the Host Club meeting, Kyouya pulled Haruhi aside, asking to talk to her in private. Everyone was confused; usually Kyouya had nothing to say and if he did, he could say it in front of everyone. But something he had to say exclusively to Haruhi was puzzling. Haruhi was frowning, confused, as she followed him outside of the Third Music Room. She knew that Tamaki would be itching to hear their conversation through the door.

"Haruhi, where were you last night?" asked Kyouya, skipping all the formalities.

"What?" asked Haruhi, her eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Your father called me last night, asking me to tell you that you have to be at work right after school. He seemed to think you were staying the night at my house. Any ideas why?" he asked, looking at her mercilessly. She could sense he was either really angry or trying really hard to mask his curiosity.

Haruhi gaped at him nervously. She said, "I, I was spending the night at Hikaru and Kaoru's house."

"And why did your father think you were spending the night at _my_ house?" he pressed.

"Because my father likes you," said Haruhi truthfully. "He wouldn't have let me stay at the twins' house…he doesn't trust them."

"And he trusts me?" asked Kyouya, slightly surprised.

"I guess," said Haruhi, starting to redden. "He thinks you're a sensible gentleman, and he trusts you around me."

Kyouya chuckled, but there was no humor in it.

Haruhi was itching to ask him. "Kyouya-senpai, you didn't…tell my father where I really was, did you?"

"Now what kind of person would I be if I'd told him?" asked Kyouya.

Haruhi wasn't sure if he was being serious or not, so Kyouya elaborated, "No, I didn't. I just hope what you're telling me is the whole truth, so I won't feel guilty about it."

"I thought you didn't have a conscience," said Haruhi.

"I don't," said Kyouya flatly. "I'm just trying to save my own skin. I don't want your father to hunt me down and kill me. I wouldn't want to lose his trust now, would I? It might come in handy some day."

Haruhi wanted to ask him what he meant by that, but he was already walking back inside the Music Room, revealing Tamaki who's ear was against the door. He was upset because he still couldn't hear anything. Kyouya smacked the side of his head playfully and went back to his laptop, ready to play the role of quiet, cyber-boy once again.


	8. He Means Nothing, Dear

**Author's Note: **Ehhh my characters are starting to get a little OOC, but oh well. It works well with the overall story and hey, what works, works. Deal. : )  
I also changed the name of the fic, since 'A Faceless Love' was waaay too sappy for me. That's not how I do, y'know.

* * *

Haruhi, for all her intuitiveness, could never understand the concept of a motive. What motivated others? All she understood was her own motivation - which was to make her mother, wherever she was, proud. If she could accomplish just that one thing, she would feel fulfilled and satisfied for the rest of her life. But how could she ever know if her mother was proud? She very well couldn't communicate with the dead; and even if she could, how would she go about it? She wasn't even sure if she believed in life after death, but a small childish part inside of her wanted to believe it, because that would mean her mother was biding her time somewhere, waiting for Haruhi to come back to her. 

But others…she was slightly ashamed to admit that she wasn't as perceptive as she'd thought. She could pick up on things others couldn't, but there were so many things she still didn't know. She hadn't known that Hikaru and Kaoru were experimenting with drugs until Hikaru had told her. She hadn't known that Kyouya had an older sister who strayed from her father's wishes. Maybe these things didn't pertain to her directly, but didn't it affect their relationships? How could she be friends with people she didn't _really_ know? Everyone had a little secret, or perhaps many little secrets, and they kept themselves hidden away from the rest of the group, afraid of what the others would think. Haruhi knew that she was guilty of this as well, since hardly anyone from the Host Club knew much about her, but she wanted something that was _hers_. She wanted to keep a part of her life away from her father and the Host Club. Was it too much to ask for some personal memories? Things that others couldn't invade and contaminate? Like the time her mother had the day off from work and she took Haruhi to a small, almost-empty park. It wasn't glamorous or beautiful, but it was special to Haruhi because it had been just she and her mother. Her father didn't know, and nor would he care if he did know, but it was just that…thrill of having a secret that kept Haruhi going. She thrived off of it. And maybe, just maybe, the other Host Club members lived off that thrill too. She couldn't take that away from them, unless they were willing to give it up.

* * *

Haruhi bussed the tables at the bar, trying to keep herself as busy as possible. It was impossible to push the thoughts of last night out of her mind. She'd taken a risk by lying to her father and experimenting with cocaine…but hadn't she just said she lived off the thrill of secrets? She was excited and nervous at the same time. Every time her father said her name, her synapses had a little party…making her jittery and suspicious. The truth was, she'd really enjoyed that new experience. It was like having a superpower; super-hearing and sensitivity to everything. She was still herself, but without those troublesome restraints on her person. She was free as a bird and she liked that feeling. It gave her perspective as to just how uptight and sheltered she really was. Given the chance, she would definitely do it again, if only to feel free for a few more minutes.

* * *

Haruhi was lazing on a couch in the Third Music Room. No one really had anything to say. Even Tamaki wasn't as bouncy as usual, and she had a shrewd suspicion that he suspected _her_ of doing something. She didn't like it when Tamaki thought less of her, no matter how much she claimed not to care about him. 

The other Host Club members were quiet. The twins weren't even on the same side of the room today…Kaoru was reading through some sort of magazine and Hikaru was playing a game of marbles with a frustrated Nekozawa, who was still trying to learn the game. Hiroshi was studying through a mathematics book, of which Haruhi approved. Tamaki…well no one was quite sure what he was doing. He seemed to be in one of those depressed spells when he sits in the corner and mutters to himself, and no one had the heart or energy to ask him what was wrong. And then there was Kyouya.

To everyone's surprise, he arrived at the Third Music Room without his laptop bag in tow. This was the first day in Host Club history that Kyouya had not brought his laptop with him. What else was Kyouya going to do, if not type away madly? But, even more surprisingly, Kyouya could think of a number of things to do without a laptop. For a few minutes he excused himself into the adjoining room to make some 'business' phone calls; and when he returned, he sat in a most comfortable position on the sofa opposite Haruhi, and read through an English book.

"You can read English?" asked Haruhi, amazed and shocked.

He looked up at her, as if surprised that she had said anything to him, and said after pushing his glasses up his nose, "A bit. My father thinks it would be wise to learn such a universal language as English. He is fluent, himself, as are my brothers, and I wouldn't want to break the tradition."

"And what about your sister?" asked Haruhi, forgetting herself due to curiosity.

Apparently mentioning his sister was not a smart thing to do. His grey eyes clouded over and he snapped, "What about her?"

Haruhi felt trapped. What could she say to convince Kyouya she hadn't meant anything bad about his sister? "I…was just wondering if she could speak English also."

"No," he said curtly, and held her gaze, as if daring her to say anything else. Was he afraid Haruhi would make fun of Fuyumi for not being able to speak English? How awful of a person did he think she was?

"Maybe you should teach her," said Haruhi, obviously not quite getting the message, "I'm sure she'd like that."

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Kaoru smack his forehead as he pitied her. She was in a for a treat for being so blind.

"Well _I'm_ sure you wouldn't know _anything_ about my sister," spat Kyouya, losing sight of himself. "I don't pry into every detail of your life, so maybe you should return the favor and stay out of my private affairs."

With this, he got up and left the music suite without so much as a glance back at Haruhi. She was left shocked, confused, and for the first time ever, on the verge of tears. She was horribly embarrassed and didn't want to be in the music suite anymore. She saw Kaoru start to approach her, but she quickly grabbed her things and ran out of the room, with Kaoru's concerned shouts echoing in her mind. She turned the corner and slammed into Kyouya's retreating figure. She stopped abruptly and sucked in a breath.

She looked flushed and, she hadn't even noticed, there was a tear going down her cheek. Kyouya, of course, spotted it before he noticed who had even slammed into him.

"I'm sorry," she gasped, and continued running. She didn't stop until she'd reached the corner where the bus usually came to take her home.

* * *

Later that night, as Haruhi lay on her bed, her cell phone rang out. She wanted to throw it against the wall, thinking it was the twins, when she realized the name read 'Kyouya.' 

"H-Hello?" she said uncertainly.

"Haruhi."

"Kyouya-senpai?"

"I thought I should, ah, apologize," started he, "For being unnecessarily defensive earlier today. Although, it really is none of your business what my sister does, and actually, what any of my family does."

Haruhi couldn't believe it. The first part of his little spiel had been very uncharacteristic, and had made Haruhi feel a little better, until he went and opened his rude little mouth again, making things worse than before.

"I'm sorry?" said Haruhi, angry at the injustice, "I wasn't prying into your personal affairs. I asked you a simple question. You were the one who mentioned your father and your brothers in the first place, so it's really not rude of me to ask about your sister, whom you conveniently forgot to talk about."

"This is _my_ family, Haruhi," said Kyouya, the steel back in his voice.

"I'm not saying otherwise! It's still yours, whether I ask a question about it or not," said Haruhi, starting to feel like she was talking to a simple-minded child. How thick could you be not to understand her argument?

"There are certain things I'm just not comfortable about discussing with others," said Kyouya.

"_Certain_ things? How about _all_ things?" said Haruhi, unable to restrain a snort.

"Once again, it's none of your business what I choose to keep to myself. What's mine is mine," said Kyouya.

And there it was. That regurgitation of what Haruhi had thought earlier - that people want to keep what is theirs to themselves. They want to protect it from prying eyes, they want to keep it clean and safe.

"I can't argue with that," said Haruhi slowly, "I feel the same way about everything in my life…but it's unhealthy to keep _everything _bottled up."

"Bottled up?" scoffed Kyouya. "You make me sound like a person incapable of feeling or controlling his emotions. I am very capable of feeling, and very capable of controlling my emotions. I don't 'bottle up' what's inside of me; I'm simply very good at controlling and rationing it in daily proportions."

"What?" said Haruhi. She didn't even know what he was _talking_ about now. "That…none of that made any sense. You're not a robot, senpai, you can't 'ration' your actions. That's just stupid."

"This is obviously making things worse," said Kyouya. "I called to apologize, you know, be the bigger person, but it appears you're not ready to handle such, ah, complex situations yet."

"What?!" spluttered Haruhi. "How dare you…The only complex is your inability to act like a human being. Everything you just said about controlling yourself…it's all robotic and mechanical. When you can, ah, you know, handle _real life_, let me know." And with that, she hung up. Simple as that.

Haruhi really didn't want to think about what happened. It was very unlike her to let her temper get the best; and even more unlikely that she would lose her temper on _Kyouya._ Between the twins and Tamaki, there were plenty of reasons for her to lose her temper, but Kyouya had never annoyed her in the slightest. So why was it he was suddenly the only one who could rile her?

She stared at her biology textbook, and then at her booksack. Her father was still at work, so she had some time. She leaned over the side of the bed and out of the front pocket of her booksack, she pulled out a baggy of white powder…


	9. Standing In The Way Of Control

**Author's Note: **I'm glad I'm getting more reviews! But I'm getting a little busy with midterms coming up, so I'm not going to update the next chapter until I get some more reviews. I know it's silly and egotistical of me, but I want to know who my audience is, and what my audience thinks.

**Warning: I've changed the rating to Mature, for adult themes and sexuality to follow. From here on out, read at your own discretion**.

* * *

"Where's Kyouya?" asked Kaoru the next day.

Everyone was making a big production out of Kyouya's absence from the Host Club meeting that day. Haruhi had the shrewd suspicion that they were all avoiding looking at her; she knew she looked like hell, and she knew that they had some shred of an idea of what happened between herself and Kyouya last night.

She was a little more than annoyed about the commotion over Kyouya. He didn't run the Host Club, it was Tamaki's, so why did they absolutely need him to have a meeting? All he did was tap keys annoyingly on his laptop, anyway.

"Can't we have the meeting without him?" asked Haruhi with little venom in her voice.

No one answered.

Oh, honestly. Now Haruhi was positive they knew something.

"Hello?" said Haruhi to a seemingly plastic audience.

Tamaki, never very good at pretending, was obviously avoiding her gaze. She stared at him until he finally cracked.

"Kyouya's upset with you."

"He's upset with _me?_"Haruhi said incredulously. "Why, because I've mean a mean, horrible person lately? I think I have the right to be upset with _him._"

"Is there something going on between you and Kyouya?" said Tamaki, narrowing his eyes. "Because it is completely inappropriate for a mother and a daughter to have a _relationship_."

Haruhi tried really hard not to burst out laughing. She really did, but it didn't work. Tamaki was still not over the fact that Haruhi and Kyouya had been on a bed, in a dark room, together, despite their earnest attempts to tell him it was nothing. Right now, this was his way of dealing with insanity while at the same time trying to remain calm.

"There is nothing going on, I assure you, senpai," said Haruhi, wiping stray tears from her eyes. "Kyouya is too self-centered, conceited, inhuman, and boring."

"Why, thank you for that lovely introduction, Fujioka."

Haruhi froze.

She closed her eyes and cursed her stupid, large mouth. She didn't want to turn around - at all - but her pride was forcing her feet the other way.

"I never knew you had such strong feelings for me," Kyouya continued in a cold, sarcastic voice. His eyes were steel grey and his jaw was set. "All this time I thought you hated me, but alas! You think I'm charming, warm, and intriguing!"

Haruhi still didn't say anything - what _could_ she say?! - and continued to be berated by Kyouya.

"But you know," said Kyouya conversationally, "I don't think I can return your sentiments. I've never liked the nagging, prying, hypocritical, transparent types. So, I'm sorry, but I'll have to end this weird infatuation you have with me."

The twins, having no clue what was going on, were absolutely eating all this up. How juicy! Oh, how his words are lashing!

Haruhi only needed a little more provocation. Just one more stupid word from Kyouya's stupid mouth.

"What, still have nothing to say?" said Kyouya. "I'm sure I could get you to talk. Why don't we talk about your white little problem?"

And snap. All shreds of sane restraints were, of course, long gone now.

"SHUT UP!"

"Ah, she speaks!" said Kyouya tauntingly. He had taken her words from last night to heart. He was going on like a broken record, relentlessly testing Haruhi's tolerance. "You know it's true, Haruhi. You're on the steep, slippery road towards _addiction_."

She couldn't believe he _knew._ And that he was completely rubbing her face in it. Throwing large amounts of salt into her stinging wound.

The Host Club, formerly silent and astonished, had sprung to life now. What on earth was Kyouya talking about addiction for? Oh no…_addiction_? Was Haruhi…no!

"Kyouya…" started Tamaki in a timid yet warning tone.

Kyouya disregarded him.

"You want to stoop so low as to throw that in my face?!" yelled Haruhi. "I can do that too! Let's talk about how pathetic you are! Trailing after your father, hoping he'll notice what a poor, sensitive boy he's got. 'Oh, he'll never notice me, I'm not important enough!' Oh, poor Kyouya, it's about time you figured it out."

There was a split second's look of indecision and disbelief in Kyouya's eyes before he spat, "What about _your_ father? You don't even know the man. All you know is he's a roaring transvestite who works at a bar. Did you know he's so hopelessly addicted to drugs that when he smiles at you, all he thinks about is how much money you'll make him some day. Money for more drugs! And when he's out until 4 in the morning, he's not just working, he's with other _men. _Showing them a grand old time in a hotel bedroom." When Haruhi's eyes got wide from shock, he said mercilessly, "Aw, little Haruhi didn't know?"

"Kyouya!" Tamaki roared, finally taking on his role as 'father' of the group. He had heard _quite _enough. He was surprised that his best friend, however unusual he may be, could be so heartless to such an innocent girl. And what on _earth_ was Haruhi's 'white little problem'?!

Once over the shock, Haruhi stomped over to Kyouya, a murderous glint in her eye.

"You-" she slapped his cheek "-are-" she slapped his other cheek "-a bastard."

She stalked out of the room, leaving a completely shocked Host Club, and an indifferent Kyouya who was touching his cheek in lost thought.

She heard footsteps behind her.

"Haruhi!" yelled Hikaru. "Haruhi!"

She stopped, rolled her eyes, and turned around. Kaoru was trailing behind Hikaru and stopped abruptly behind him.

"What is going _on_?" Hikaru said.

"I want more," said Haruhi.

Hikaru was at once on guard. "More what?"

"You know what. I'll take anything," said Haruhi, her eyes boring into his.

Beside Hikaru, Kaoru's foot was tapping at a fast rate. Haruhi had begun to notice some symptoms in Kaoru. It seemed he was progressively becoming more jittery and alarmed. He looked paler and sicker than Hikaru, and Haruhi knew he was rapidly succumbing to the dark side of drugs, and that she would soon be joining him if she didn't stop soon. But she didn't want to stop soon. Nothing seemed worth it anymore. She would have argued that her father was worth it, but after Kyouya's defacement of her father she just didn't know anymore. She knew everything Kyouya said was probably true, and she probably knew it all along but she was just trying to lie to herself by making her world seem innocent.

And now Hikaru was looking indecisive as well. He was really craving a little pick-me-up, Haruhi knew it. He was trying to be a gentleman by getting Haruhi out of drugs, but he wasn't doing her any favors. If he was as caring as he claimed, he would let her drown her sorrows in whatever he had. Did he _want _her to suffer like this? Wouldn't it be twice as good to have another friend beside's Kaoru to throw his life away with?

Hikaru was taking too long. Kaoru had already whipped out a brown paper bag from his booksack and was leading Haruhi outside of the school's gates, with a resigned Hikaru following behind.

"We're not going to your house?" Haruhi asked.

Kaoru shook his head, his eye twitching. "Parents are home. We don't want them to get suspicious."

Haruhi didn't know where they were going, but she followed blindly down a shabby alley, and into a side door off the street. Kaoru led her up a set of rickety stairs, down another hallway, up another flight of stairs, and finally into a dingy room with no lighting except for a single yellow light bulb hanging from the ceiling. There was a small mattress on the ground, littered with magazines and cigarette stubs, and a black-haired man in his twenties sucking on a lollipop in the corner.

"Hello boys," he said lazily, winking at Haruhi.

Kaoru said nothing but gave a curt nod. Hikaru gave the man a weak smile and said, "Jiro, hello."

Kaoru spilled the contents of the brown paper bag onto the dingy mattress and starting assorting through small containers, all the while explaining, "This is Jiro. He's…a friend."

"You sound so loving," chuckled the man. He winked at Haruhi again and she pointedly looked away.

"He's the washed-up son of one our father's friends," elaborated Hikaru, picking at chipped paint on the walls.

Jiro chuckled again and drawled, "Daddy didn't approve of my lifestyle. Kicked me out, emptied my bank account, and haven't heard from him since. The bastard."

"Your lifestyle?" questioned Haruhi, curious in spit of herself.

"Drugs, sex, occasional bisexuality," said Jiro airily. "But I figure, you gotta make something out of your life, don't you? I said screw the hell out of corporations and businesses. Just have fun. You're gonna end up without a soul anyways."

Haruhi was starting to find this man charming in his own, scary way. He was funny and bitter and the complete opposite of Haruhi. She found herself hanging on his every word.

"And you don't see your father?" asked Haruhi.

"No," said Jiro. "He's too busy fucking people over, robbing poor people of their jobs, stepping on the disabled, and cheating on my mom. He's a great guy once you get to know him, trust me." Jiro smiled and revealed a gold front tooth. Cheeky little devil.

"Got any ice?" said Kaoru from the mattress.

"Room next door," said Jiro before firing up a cigarette and taking a long drag.

"So what brings you to this neck of the woods?" said Jiro. "You seem like a good little kid."

Haruhi didn't know how to say, "I'm not a good little kid but I'm not a bad kid either," so she stayed silent.

"Haruhi's different," said Hikaru, taking the cigarette from Jiro and sucking on it at length, then handing it back to him.

"Different is she?" said Jiro with a twinkle in his eye. "We'll change you, _Haruhi_, we always do. I'll show you how to have fun."

Haruhi smiled weakly at him. Kaoru returned with glass beaker filled with clear bluish liquid.

"Needles?" he said.

"Underneath the pillow," said Jiro absent-mindedly. "Does _Haruhi_ know what this stuff is?"

Haruhi wasn't sure why Jiro kept emphasizing her name.

"Hasn't really got a name," continued Jiro. "A little something a friend and I invented a couple of years ago. Don't really care for a name, as long as it's works. And baby, it _works_. It's my personal pick-me-up, sunflower-daisy-field, grade A alcohol, it's my love."

"Why do you need needles?" said Haruhi tentatively.

"How else are you gonna stick it in you?" said Jiro slyly, showing off his single gold tooth again.

Oh dear. Haruhi didn't like needles. At _all. _

Hikaru could sense the indecision in Haruhi's expression and said, "You don't have to. You can just…try to block out Jiro's stupid remarks and we'll give you a ride home, scot free."

Hikaru cleared his throat and Kaoru promptly said, "Of course. Just give me a second to get a dose and we'll leave right away."

The fact that Kaoru was itching to get some of this liquid stuff made Haruhi curious to try it.

"No, no" assured Haruhi, "I want to."

"Atta girl," said Jiro, "You won't regret it."

"Shut up, Jiro," said Hikaru, going to help Kaoru with the syringes.

"Are you sure those are sterile?" asked Haruhi.

"I don't know," said Jiro honestly, "Care to find out?"

"Yes, they are," Kaoru said, "That's why I wanted the ice. Don't worry, Haruhi, we won't let this idiot do anything to you."

Jiro gave a low chuckle and said, "I'm always the idiot of the party, aren't I? Well, at least I'm a happy idiot."

Haruhi gave a small laugh. Jiro's random babblings were starting to grow on her.

"Alright, all set," said Kaoru.

Jiro sprung to life, quickly leaving the corner and coming to sit beside Haruhi, a hungry lust in his eyes. "I'll go first," he said eagerly, stretching his hand out.

Kaoru handed him the syringe and Jiro rolled up his sleeve, feeling around the inside of his elbow for a tender spot. Haruhi saw small bruises and previous shot-holes on his arm. He put the needle flat against his inner elbow, and closed his eyes. Haruhi was shocked that he was about to inject a syringe into his arm with his eyes closed. But thankfully he opened his eyes after a moment and sucked in a breath as he pushed the needle in carefully, making sure not the puncture the vein from the other side. Haruhi had to turn away for a second, but eventually got used to the sight. She watched Kaoru and Hikaru next, each sterilizing the needle again before using it. Then it was her turn.

Her hand was shaking as she held the syringe and she had to steady herself before she could plunge it into her vein. She felt for a tender spot, just as the others had, and made sure to go for a noticeable vein. She dabbed the spot of injection with a cotton swab and alcohol before piercing her skin. Jiro was kind enough to guide her through it, telling her all the actions and signs she should look out for. He warned that if she felt a burning sensation, she should take the needle out immediately to prevent a blister from forming. Apart from his warning, she felt slightly confident that she would be fine. And she was. Shaking aside, she felt perfectly fine. However, her stomach started to turn and she ran to the window, flinging it open, and threw up out of it. Luckily no one was walking in the alley underneath. She heard Jiro and Kaoru laughing from behind her, and a giggling Hikaru ask if she was okay. After that, she was. She felt a surge of euphoria and every worry melted away. Jori whipped out a pack of playing cards, and giggling madly, suggested they play a game of cards to further enjoy Haruhi's first injection. She cheered and played, and her speech became slow and slurred. She felt suddenly sleepy, and before she knew it, she was drifting off into an alternate slumber.

She awoke two hours later, without a shirt on, and Jiro's legs on top of hers. He was snoring loudly, and Kaoru was smoking a cigarette by the open window. She disentangled herself from Jiro's legs and searched for her shirt frantically. Hikaru was slumbering on top of the magazines on the mattress.

"Don't worry, you didn't do anything like that," said Kaoru as if reading her mind. "And it's only 6 in the evening, so it's doubtful your father has alerted the police yet."

Haruhi sighed, relieved, and joined Kaoru by the window. The cold air felt good against her warm skin.

"So how did you like it?" asked Kaoru, smiling at her.

"I liked it," said Haruhi sleepily. After a few minutes, "Why did you keep this whole life of yours a secret from everyone?"

Kaoru, who had never really shown much maturity - except when compared to Hikaru, said, "Everyone has secrets. The Host Club…it's not just roses and smiles. Everyone's got their own dirty secret that they don't want anyone else to know, but the thing is, everyone _does_ know. We just don't tell the others we do. I'm sure Kyouya knows about what Hikaru and I do, and I'm sure Tamaki does too. I'm sure Tamaki knows that we know that he had sex with one of his French maids, just like his father, when he was only 14. Everyone knows how Hunny got so mad at his father one day, that when they were fighting for practice, he really meant to harm him. His father was in the hospital for two months, and Hunny kept saying it was an accident when it wasn't. Mori…he's got a whole life of regret and secrets. We're just _sympathetic_ enough not to mention these things." Kaoru snorted sarcastically. "And now you have a dirty secret too."

Haruhi looked out of the window at Japan. Down the street was the prestigious Ouran Academy, but just a few blocks down was a neighborhood of crime and filth. It was funny how two parts of her life were so well integrated.

"You don't think…people will think less of me?" asked Haruhi.

"How can I tell?" said Kaoru. "As long as you don't tell anyone, you'll be fine. It's kind of fun, having a big secret."

"And about Kyouya…"

"Kyouya's a jackass," snapped Kaoru. "He's the most fucked up out of any of us. He's just so damn _private_. He probably has a thousand things to be ashamed of, but no one knows. It's too bad he can't keep his shitty personality a secret too. I'm not even sure if the Kyouya we see at the Host Club is the real Kyouya." And then he said, "Don't think over what he said to you. He's just a petulant little snot who says whatever he can to make others feel just as miserable as he is. Truly fucked up kid, I'm telling you."

"I don't hate him though," said Haruhi thoughtfully. "I really should, and I bet he probably hates me, but I can't bring myself to hate him. I've never hated anyone before."

"There are a lot of things to dislike about Kyouya, but not many to hate," said Kaoru. "He's tolerable to an extent, but today was just weird…he's never blown up like that before. You must have struck a nerve."

"I don't know what nerve," said Haruhi. "But you're right: there's a lot more to Kyouya Otori than meets the eye, and I want to find out."

Hikaru mumbled something in his sleep, causing Haruhi to jump, but he only rolled to his other side.

"Was Jiro the one who got you into this?" she asked.

"I guess, yeah," said Kaoru, taking another drag on the neglected cigarette. "Technically we're not supposed to see Jiro anymore. Once you're kicked out of your family, you're kicked out of the entire rich society. But we liked him - he was funny and unusual and a good laugh. He lives here most of the time, but it's only his drug refuge or whatever. He bums at his friend's places and he's trying to get enough money to buy an apartment of his own. Hikaru and I needed some kind of release. Things were just so messed up. I mean, our family is not perfect, our school grades definitely aren't, we hardly had any friends, and we were so sheltered and cut off from everything. We've met people, been places thanks to Jiro. He's a good guy."

"I'm not ashamed of any of this," said Haruhi, as if to reassure him. "I feel the exact same way. Like I just didn't know anything, but here I am. I'm enjoying these new experiences and it's like Jiro said, you have to make something of life. I have my whole life to be serious and practical, so why can't I take advantage of being a kid and have fun?"

"I'm glad you're getting some insight out of this," said Kaoru. "Most people just fuck up and get addicted, all for nothing. If you're going to do drugs, they have to mean something to you. Something more than a perk-up; that's just a stupid excuse."

"Mm."

They stood like that for another hour, quiet and peaceful as they watched the sunset, before they woke up Hikaru and it was time to leave. Jiro winked at Haruhi again, and she found herself smiling at him and saying she wished to see him soon. She had a feeling she would.

When she arrived home, Haruhi was not surprised to find that her father wasn't home yet. Her first thought was that he was still at work, but Kyouya's words floated back to her - was he _really_ at work?

She cursed herself for letting Kyouya get to her, but it was just so unusual for someone to get under her skin like he did that she couldn't dismiss him immediately. She was willing to give Kyouya a second chance, if he was smart enough to take it.


	10. All I Know Is Tonight

**Author's Note: **A reviewer asked if I did drugs, and if that's why I knew all about them. No, I do not. I don't love Ouran enough to do drugs just for research haha. But most of my friends are great priggish druggies, and when I'm bored I observe them.

* * *

Haruhi was beginning to wonder why Kyouya was in the Host Club. She understood his role as financer and such, but why was he a _Host? _He displayed no particular charms or gentleman qualities, and yet all the girls swooned over his Shadow King self. In all fairness, Haruhi had never actually seen Kyouya in action as a Host, as she was always so busy being one herself, but she vowed to remedy that. Maybe seeing the many different sides to Kyouya would help figure the one true Kyouya out.

So it was lucky then, that on Thursday afternoon there was a Japanese tea party to celebrate the wonderfully orange season of autumn. It was planned in haste, as many of the customers were getting restless, but the planning was still impeccable. Tamaki and Kyouya had locked themselves in the back room of the music suite for two hours, whispering to each other.

In the front gardens of Ouran, many low floor tables were set up with royal purple velvet pillows for the girls to sit on, and black pillows for the Hosts to sit on. Haruhi was wearing a long kimono and dramatic stage make-up, as was Nekozawa. She thought he couldn't look more absurd or out of place, but many of the girls were fawning over him already.

While pouring tea for a petite brown-haired girl who was chattering wildly, Haruhi glanced to the other side of the garden where Kyouya, in his own set of white dazzling robes, was charming a green-eyed beauty. He flashed the girl a 1000-watt smile, his grey eyes were positively sparkling, and there was red color on his cheeks. It took Haruhi a while to realize that the color was all natural - it was a blooming blush. Being nice suited Kyouya. So, apparently, Kyouya was a Host for a reason. He was just as charming and charismatic as any of the other Hosts, if not more so because of his odd personality.

* * *

"Say Haruhi," said Hikaru, after the tea party and the Hosts were clearing up, "My father's throwing a lavish party to celebrate the opening of his corporation in Germany, and I was wondering if you wanted to come? It'll be a really fancy thing, but afterwards we're going to a club with Jiro and some of his friends. It would be great if you came."

Haruhi wasn't really looking forward to a lavish party with rich people, but going to a club with Jiro afterwards sounded like fun. She was beginning to think of Jiro as that cool older guy, kind of like a brother, but much cuter and more playful.

"That sounds fun," said Haruhi, chewing her lip. "Will this last very late?"

"Well, yeah, my dad's party won't end until midnight, at least," said Hikaru, "And Jiro's a late-night kind of guy. We could all spend the night with Jiro. But don't worry, we can probably afford a nice hotel room or something."

"I'll have to talk my dad into it," said Haruhi, "Got any good lies?"

* * *

Later that night, while she and her father were sharing a very rare meal, Haruhi chewed on her food thoughtfully, trying to think of something believable. She probably couldn't use Kyouya as an excuse again, since he wasn't even talking to her, and her father would start to get suspicious if she was spending the night at a boy's house too often. It was too bad she didn't have any female friends. Or maybe she did.

"Father," started Haruhi, and he looked up at her with shining eyes. Haruhi had to struggle to continue, unable to look at eyes that might be lying to her every night. But then again, she was lying right back, wasn't she? "I don't know if I've ever talked about her, but I have a friend named Renge. She's my only female friend."

Her father positively lit up at the mention of a new friend. "Haruhi! Haruhi, that's so nice! What is she like? Is she very girly or is she like you?"

"Um, she's very girly," said Haruhi, "But she's very nice. Gets top grades and helps me with things I don't understand. But anyway, she invited me to sleep over tomorrow night. A lot of her other girl friends are going to be there, and she said she would introduce me to them."

Oh, Haruhi was an amazing liar. She could have kissed herself, honestly. If there was one thing her father wanted for Haruhi, it was to have lots of normal friends, with normal lives, who included Haruhi in those lives. And for Haruhi to finally have female friends was an even bigger thing. She knew exactly what to say, and throughout it she was amazed that she didn't roll her eyes. She was making herself sound like a real social loser.

"Oh, Haruhi!" gushed her father, "That's so wonderful! Of course, of course, you can go!"

She almost winced from the guilt, but this was in Haruhi's best interests. She may not be getting the social interaction her father wanted, but it was still social interaction, wasn't it? Even if it involved drugs, clubs, boys, and lavish parties.

* * *

The next day, Haruhi lugged her usual booksack to school, along with a smaller bag filled with her clothes for the night, and left it in the Music Suite. After classes, she hurried to the Host Club meeting to discuss the next big event.

Tamaki was having a hard time running his ideas past Kyouya.

"But it's not that expensive!" he quipped, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"Actually, Suoh, it runs 120,350 yen over our budget," corrected Kyouya.

Tamaki paused, no doubt trying to weasel his idea into Kyouya's brain, before he sighed and said, resigned, "Any one else have some _cheaper_ ideas?"

No one said anything. The twins and Haruhi were bored and anxious to leave for their own festivities, and Nekozawa and Hiroshi were still trying to learn the ropes of the Host Club.

"Anyone?" persisted Tamaki, looking around the room hopefully.

"What a lazy lot," muttered Kyouya under his breath.

Haruhi was itching to snap back at him, but she sensed the meeting was coming to an end and she didn't wish to prolong it with her childish arguments.

"So, we're done?" said Hikaru, sounding far too excited.

"I suppose," said Tamaki, looking at Hikaru suspiciously. "What are you doing, anyway?"

"Just grabbing a bite to eat with _Haruhi_," said Kaoru, a wicked glint in his eyes as he smiled at Tamaki with his arm around Haruhi's shoulders.

Tamaki was dumbfounded. "But…Haruhi…daughter…"

"Good bye, father!" said Hikaru cheerfully, grabbing his things and making a dash for the door.

"Come back here! Daughter!" yelled Tamaki after the threesome.

Hikaru and Kaoru were giggling and running as fast as they could, feeling something _alive_ coursing through their veins. It was a weird feeling, and maybe it was only the wind against their faces, but they suddenly felt full of energy - energy they hadn't felt in a long time. Haruhi was struggling to keep up with them, wondering why they were running in the first place. But she saw something different in them, a wonderful and fresh something, that she ran faster to catch up with them.

They stopped at a shiny black convertible car, and Haruhi wondered if it was theirs. Hikaru fished out a pair of keys from his bag and Haruhi said, startled, "_You're_ not going to drive, are you, Hikaru?"

Hikaru only grinned.

"But you're not of age! You don't have a license!" she protested.

"Au contraire, my naïve little friend," said Hikaru, also taking out a small, plastic card with his picture on it, "I do."

Haruhi rolled her eyes and said, "Jiro?"

"A friend of Jiro's," explained Kaoru. "But don't worry, we know how to drive. We paid our driver to take the day off and not tell our parents."

"So, you coming?" asked Hikaru, dangling the keys with his index finger.

Haruhi looked at the car is if it were about to explode, thinking about her options. Get in a car with crazy twins who didn't have their licenses, and have a potentially good time, or stay here while they drove away, and deal with Tamaki and Kyouya and feelings she wasn't sure about. Being a practical girl, the first choice was _obviously _safer.

The small smile on Haruhi's lips was all the answer Hikaru needed, and he unlocked the car and jumped into the driver's seat. Kaoru let her sit in the front, and he lounged lazily in the back with his feet up against the door.

As Hikaru drove and the wind blew through Haruhi's hair, she thought she might have an idea of what Hikaru and Kaoru had felt before, that alive feeling. Kaoru was closing his eyes in the back, letting the last days of sun and warmth caress his face, and a smirk formed on Haruhi's face. The twins were pretty unpredictable people. And, however much she tried to deny it, they were her best friends, if not because they were her _only _friends.

Hikaru pulled into a parking lot to a very large, expensive looking store.

"What are we doing here?" asked Haruhi.

"Well, you need something to wear, don't you?" replied Kaoru in the back.

"But I have clothes for tonight!" said Haruhi, "That blue dress I wear sometimes, remember?"

There was a slight pause before Hikaru burst out laughing. "_Haruhi_, this isn't that kind of party. This is a big, snobby party and you need to look like the rest of the guests coming."

"But I don't have any money to buy a dress," frowned Haruhi.

"Oh, Fujioka," sighed Kaoru, "We're made out of money for a reason."

It finally dawned on her. "I can't let you buy me a dress!"

"We've got the money, and we're buying you a dress whether you want it or not," said Hikaru with finality, getting out of the car.

She wasn't happy, but she had to go along with it, she supposed. She tried to rationalize it in her head by saying they had so much money as it was that they wouldn't miss a small amount of money for a dress. Right.

The store inside was just as lavish as it looked from the outside. They even had a _lounge_ for shoppers to sit and drink tea while the workers brought out dresses for them to look at. The shoppers didn't even have to shop for themselves! It was simply marvelous.

Kaoru instructed a lady who knew him quite well, it seemed, to bring out the best dresses they had in Haruhi's size. There was a slight look of disdain as she looked at Haruhi's figure, which was far too skinny and stick-like, and was particularly lacking in the chest department.

The woman brought out some truly beautiful dresses, and each time Haruhi tried one on, she tutted and threw it in the discard pile, saying it simply did not flatter Haruhi's figure.

"I've never met a girl with such a boyish figure," said the woman as she took Haruhi's measurements again. "Look at that! Absolutely no chest!"

Haruhi was starting to feel a bit insecure about her figure. She had never considered herself _lacking _in anything. Outside of the dressing suite, she could hear the faint giggles and chats of the twins. What she wouldn't give to publicly embarrass them as well.

"I suppose the best way to give you a figure will be to layer you up," said the woman, coming at Haruhi with a scary looking corset. Haruhi started to back away from her when the woman laughed good-naturedly, "That's right, you should be scared. These things are not pleasant."

She had Haruhi raise her arms while she tied the corset painfully tight. Haruhi was having a horrible time trying to breathe, but she braced herself each time the woman tied another knot. When Haruhi looked back in the mirror, her waist was practically non-existent, but she noticed that she looked pear shaped. Her chest was…noticeable.

"Does wonders, doesn't it?" chirped the woman, admiring her handiwork.

The woman left the room again, coming back this time with something much scarier than a corset. Haruhi wasn't even sure what it was, but it seemed to be a metal skirt type thing.

"What's that?" asked Haruhi cautiously.

"Hoopskirt," replied the woman, "It'll make you look more like a female than a…I don't even know what, less like a boy, I suppose."

Haruhi spared a brief glare at the woman before she put the hoopskirt on. The woman had picked out a golden-brown silk dress, with dark brown embroidery on it. It was had short, puffed sleeves and a wide neck-line. Haruhi had never seen a more beautiful dress, and she couldn't believe _she_ was going to wear it.

The woman gave her a pair of silk tan stockings, golden strap shoes that wouldn't even be seen from underneath the dress, and, lastly, a golden necklace. When Haruhi showed herself to the twins, they were both dumbfounded and at a loss for words.

She changed out of the dress back into her normal attire, and unwillingly obliged to purchase black hair extensions.

"Our parents don't really agree with the androgynous look," said Hikaru tentatively. "If you want them to like you, you'll want to look like a girl in all meanings of the word. They believe firmly in identities of sex and all that."

When it came time to pay for all the things, Haruhi looked away pointedly so she wouldn't have to see the total price. She told the twins she really didn't want to know how much the cost was, and they teased her relentlessly as they drove back to their mansion.

One of the maids was outside waiting for them.

"Hello Hitachiin-san," said the maid to Hikaru as he got out of the car. She gave Haruhi a courteous nod as well. "Your parents are having tea with the Tanakas, and wish me to tell you they will be back in time for the party. They expect you and your guest to be at the party at the designated time."

"Thanks," said Hikaru, "And will you help Haruhi get ready when it's time?"

"Of course," said the maid, and went back inside.

* * *

Haruhi winced. She deplored corsets.

"I'm sorry, miss, I've never done this before," said the maid apologetically.

"It's fine, it would be painful either way," said Haruhi, gritting her teeth.

* * *

When Haruhi descended those grand stairs with a Hitachiin twin on either arm, she felt, for the first time ever, like a beautiful _girl. _She had never felt a particular pull to either gender, but tonight she felt like a blossoming female. Maybe she could be a suitable girl after all.

"You look wonderful," Hikaru whispered in her right ear, and Haruhi smiled, flattered.

Meeting the twins' parents was the most nerve-wracking part of her night. Their mother, although very nice and courteous, seemed as though she didn't consider Haruhi a part of the group. She also smelled heavily of alcohol, and Haruhi wondered if she might be an alcoholic. Their father was curt and to-the-point, which the twins had forewarned her about. Over all though, everyone was making an effort to invite Haruhi into their little club.

"Hikaru! Kaoru!" shrieked a skinny, red-haired girl. She had the most astonishing green eyes Haruhi had ever seen, and Haruhi noticed that she did not look particularly Japanese.

"Lola!" cried Kaoru, embracing her. Behind the girl's back, Kaoru motioned being sick, to make damn sure that he did not like this girl at all. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine!" she said in her choppy Japanese.

"Haruhi, this is Lola," explained Kaoru, "She comes from England."

"Hello," said Haruhi politely, nodding her head. "I've always wanted to learn English."

The girl now switched to English. "Oh, it really is a lovely language. Of course I don't think it's nearly as hard as Japanese, but who am I to say that, eh!"

Haruhi had no idea what she had just said. Lola gave a quaint little laugh and said in Japanese, "I hope that you learn to speak it someday."

She looked around the party, then said, "Isn't Kyouya coming?"

"Oh, no," said Hikaru, "This is strictly a business party, or so my father says."

"What a shame," said Lola, frowning. "It's been a while since we've…_seen_ each other." She winked at Haruhi, as if trying to relay a message. However feminine Haruhi felt, she still had not mastered the art of female communication. She frowned back at Lola in confusion.

Lola gave that quaint laugh again, which Haruhi was beginning to find annoying. "Kyouya's a very skilled bedmate," she said, winking again. When Haruhi still didn't reply, she said exasperatedly, "My goodness, girl. Kyouya gives me great sex."

Haruhi almost choked on the drink she had, and Hikaru had to thump her on the back unceremoniously.

Lola's eyes widened. "Oh god, please don't tell me you're his girlfriend or something. I would just die, absolutely die!"

"No!" said Haruhi almost too quickly. This conversation was now starting to frighten her.

"Phew, that's good," said Lola, her shoulders becoming more relaxed. "I wouldn't want to give up Kyouya now."

"You know it's not exlusive," said Kaoru, frowning at Lola.

"Oh yes, yes," said Lola airily, "We know it's not. My friend, Ayame, was just telling me last week how she had such a wonderful time with him. And then Miki, you know her - the shy little girl - was telling me about the time last month, she said it was absolutely wonderful. Oh, it was hard not to be jealous of course, but that's life, innit?"

What was going _on? _Just how many people had Kyouya slept with?! Didn't he say he never did anything unless he got some kind of sick merit out of it? What could all these girls possibly give him?

"Does he…get anything out of it?" asked Haruhi timidly.

Lola looked at her as if seeing her for the first time. Well, that certainly made Haruhi feel important.

"Well, besides an incredible night with moi?" said Lola, laughing, "Only joking! Sometimes he'll go on about merits and benefits or something, but I usually tune him out. Not the sort of thing you talk about when you're going at it, am I right! Ha-ha, well anyways, he's not the most talkative person. He'll talk sometimes but mostly he's just physical, and I'm not complaining, eh!"

Haruhi really, really, REALLY, didn't want to hear about Kyouya's sex life. God, she didn't even know he _had_ a sex life, but she should have known. It was just like him to have some sick little secret, and his just happened to be being a perverted womanizer who took pleasure in sleeping with various women, not caring about them in the least. He made her so _sick_ sometimes.

After the encounter with Lola, Haruhi didn't know what to think. She knew, deep down, that it was none of her business what Kyouya did - he could do whatever he damn well pleased, and it shouldn't affect her. She, herself, was doing something despicable with the drugs, but she never thought of drugs as badly as sex. It wasn't even the act of sex itself, it was the abandonment. Kyouya clearly didn't think twice about who he slept with - did he even care what the girl's name was? Did he bother to find out anything about her?

And what hurt most of all was the realization that Kyouya probably held Haruhi in the same regard. Maybe he didn't care about her at all; maybe the only reason she saw so much of him was because of Host Club. Would he even look twice at her otherwise? Most likely not. His choice of girls seemed to be the pretty, obviously effeminate, and easy ones. Haruhi was none of those. She might as well just be a boy to Kyouya. She didn't know why she cared all of a sudden, but knowing he didn't think anything of her hurt like hell.

"Ready to go, Haruhi?" asked Hikaru, standing beside her by the bar.

Haruhi snapped out of her reverie and nodded eagerly. As she went back upstairs to change, she saw Lola give her another wink and wave before leaving through the grand glass doors. Haruhi never wanted to see her again, no matter how nice she was.

* * *

She and the twins were back in the black convertible now. Haruhi had changed into jeans, tennis shoes, and a short cotton dress on top. She felt comfortable in her regular clothes again. She left the hair extensions, liking the way they made her feel. She left all her make-up on as well, thinking it was suitable for a club environment.

"You okay?" asked Kaoru.

"Yes, why?"

"I mean…about Kyouya and all," said Kaoru.

"Oh," said Haruhi, frowning. "I don't know, to be honest. It's not like I care, or should care, but I kind of do."

"Have you ever thought that you might…like him?" said Kaoru quietly, so Hikaru wouldn't hear.

Haruhi was alarmed. Of course she'd never thought that! That was like, the tortoise falling for the hare, or a shark falling for its prey. Did such an attraction even exist?

"No, I've never…thought about that," said Haruhi. "I know it would never amount to anything. He only does things for his own benefit, and there is absolutely no benefit in being with me."

"Maybe there are sides of Kyouya you don't know about. He might do things just for the sake of doing them," suggested Kaoru.

"Well I'll never know, will I?" said Haruhi bitterly, "He's so secretive. I never would have found out about his _promiscuity_ if it weren't for Lola and her big mouth."

Kaoru sighed. "Well, Haruhi, I don't know. You're both stubborn and it's so hard to tell sometimes."

They arrived outside of Jiro's dingy apartment building and waited for him to come out. He sat in the back with Haruhi and said, "What, I don't get a hug?"

She hugged him awkwardly.

"You look different, Mary," he said. "I like this look though, don't worry."

"Mary?"

"As in Virgin Mary," said Jiro, giving her a Cheshire grin. "I find the irony in it impossibly funny."

"So let's get this party started!" he cried into the whipping wind. "I'm ready to completely fuck myself up and throw my life away. What about you, Mary?"

When she didn't reply, he persisted, "Something the matter, little angel? Tonight you're supposed to be a wild vixen, ready to rock and roll."

"My life's at a kind of stand-still right now," admitted Haruhi.

Jiro sighed and put his arm around her shoulders, in a familiar loving kind of way. "So is everyone else's. The truest thing you'll ever hear in your life is this: life sucks. It sucks balls, if you'll excuse my frankness. You could waste it trying to be happy or whatever, but you'll get no where. I gave up a long time ago, and I went down the 'road of sin' as my father calls it. So what? For fuck's sake, I'm at least _somewhat_ happy this way. Yeah, drugs fuck me up and having sex with random people isn't always safe, but who wants _safety_, anyway? Isn't that just so boring?"

Haruhi liked Jiro's random philosophies. They weren't the most thought-out or intelligent, but they were incredibly relevant to real life. Since when did you have to be smart to understand life?

"So what do you say, angel?" he said, "Are you going to spend tonight trying to be rational and safe and boring?"

Haruhi thought about it for a moment. No, she really didn't want to be the kind of drab figure Jiro was talking about.

"No," she said, gaining momentum, "I'm going to be a wild vixen."

"That's a good girl!" he said, pinching her cheeks playfully.

They arrived at a club called Moxie. Haruhi could feel the vibrations of the music coursing through her body, even before the reached the sidewalk. There was a long line, but Jiro only flashed the security guard a smile and was promptly let in.

Inside was the most incredible thing Haruhi had ever seen. There was color and sound and movement everywhere. It was dark, but there were colored fluorescent lights, and lots of people were wearing glow-in-the-dark necklaces. There was a large bar on the other side from the entrance, and Haruhi noted lots of glowing liquid bottles.

"Fancy a drink?" Jiro asked loudly over the club music. He handed her a small shot glass filled with deep blue liquid. There was a time when Haruhi would have questioned what was in the glass, but now she didn't care. She downed it and basked in the sweet sourness of the drink.

Hikaru was tapping his foot to the music, enjoying himself. Kaoru was whispering things in his ear - no doubt rather naughty things - and they were enjoying each other's existence. Jiro tried to get Haruhi to dance, and succeeded after several failed attempts. He held her hands tight, teaching her how to move without any awkwardness.

And then he kissed her.

It was a sweet, deep kiss on the lips, but Haruhi knew it didn't mean anything. Jiro was just this kind of person; he was a very physical and unabashed being. So she smiled at him, to let him know she didn't think anything of it, and he left for a little while to the back rooms of the club.

Haruhi felt weird dancing on her own, so when she looked back to find the twins still immersed in their own world, she followed to the back rooms where Jiro had disappeared to. The club outside was nothing compared to the back. Every which way people were in various forms of undress, some making love standing up, on the ground, or simply kissing. There was smoke in the air, and Haruhi could make out the faint smell of marijuana. She noticed that one of the couples making love included Jiro. He was with a random girl, no doubt clueless as to her name or age.

And suddenly Haruhi understood Kyouya's motives. Maybe, just like Jiro, he just did not like being alone. She knew for a fact that Jiro like physicality and hated being alone, because it made him think of all the stupidity he had done in his life. Maybe it was the same for Kyouya. Maybe when he was alone, he was reminded of his life, and if he simply wanted to forget, he would find a girl. That was the merit, she realized. Being able to forget about the mess of a life he led was merit enough for him.

"Are you just going to stand there?" asked a male voice behind her.

When she turned around, she came face-to-face with a 20-something man, who had dyed blue hair and large oriental eyes.

"There's plenty to go around if you're interested," he said, offering her a square sheet of paper which looked like a stick-on tattoo.

"What is it?" she asked, interested.

"LSD," he replied. "Like this." He stuck out his tongue and placed a square sheet on it, and let it dissolve.

Haruhi cautiously followed suit, feeling an unusual sensation. Within the hour, she was seeing flying monkeys and imagining she could hear colors and feel sounds. It was surreal but eye-opening.

* * *

The next morning, Haruhi had absolutely no idea where she was. In fact, she couldn't tell for sure if it was even morning, as the shades to the window were pulled. She looked down at herself and was glad to find herself fully clothed. She was shocked, however, to find that Hikaru and Kaoru were both naked and lying on a bed together. Kaoru's arm was around Hikaru's waist, and they both looked peaceful. On the bed next to them was Jiro. He too, was naked - at least from the waist up, and was slumbering beside the same girl he had been with at the club. There were various other people around the room, whom Haruhi imagined to be Jiro's friends. There was an open baggy of coke, but Haruhi had no desire to be under the influence of drugs at the moment. She looked out the window and found it was still dark. She looked down at the digital clock on the night stand and it read 4:49.

She sat back down, unsure of what to do. It didn't look like anyone was going to be waking up soon, and Haruhi certainly didn't want to be the only one awake. She knew she would over think last night's festivities, and do something rash, so she took the baggy of coke, and snorted some from the dresser. With that, she lay back down on the floor with a soft pillow under her head, and attempted to sleep, even though she felt jittery and awake.


	11. Brighter Discontent

**Author's Note: **Hello all! Thanks SO much for the great reviews. This chapter's a bit short, but I'm dead busy lately and I still have so much studying and reviewing to do before my mid-year exams. I promise I'll be back in full swing by the end of next week!

* * *

What separates humans from animals? Surely it's not just one thing, but a whole web of things. It used to be that whenever this question was asked, at least one person out of a crowd would say it was our ability to be rational. But _are_ we rational? Rationality would imply that we are reasonable and logical, and while a fair few of us are, what about the majority? How can there be murderers, drug-addicts, rapists, and such if we are _rational?_ So obviously, that theory has to be discredited. What, then, separates us? Why do we allow ourselves to believe we're anything more than primal and instinctive?

**Two Nights Ago**

Haruhi was having a horrible time rationalizing her acts. There simply was no way to justify doing drugs and as being careless as she was last night. Never in her entire mundane life would she imagine herself waking up in a hotel room with mostly strangers in varying states of undress around her. She would never have imagined Hikaru and Kaoru to be _sexually_ active with each other. Surely they had some morals, even if they were immature and emotionally stunted?

After waking up to that awful, pungent-smelling room once again, and finding all its residents still asleep apart from herself, she couldn't force herself to stay there anymore. Her head ached, she smelled of vomit, and she felt no sense of home. This last bit hit her hardest, for wherever she went, she always had some sense of direction, and now it was gone. Where did she _belong_?

She left a brief note to the twins explaining that she had gone home, and kindly asked them not to call her for she needed some alone time to recollect herself. She left the hotel room, nodding politely to the concierge, and wandered down a street she'd never been on before until she reached a bus stop. She managed to scrape all the change she had out of the pocket of her jeans, and caught a ride home.

* * *

**Present**

"You look sick, Fujioka," said Nekozawa on the following Monday.

"I'm fine, thank you," said Haruhi, desperately looking for something to do with her shaking hands.

"You know…there are other ways to have fun," continued Nekozawa mysteriously.

Haruhi finally looked at him, and said, "What?"

"You don't have to lose your head completely in order to have fun," he repeated differently.

"What are you talking about?" asked Haruhi wearily, not wanting to decipher Nekozawa's cryptic message.

"I know what you've been doing," he said, "It's not good. Whatever the twins told you, it's not good for you."

"You don't know what you're talking about," said Haruhi defensively, walking away from him.

"Drugs," he said after her, making her stop abruptly and turn around to face him. "The Hitachiin twins might be able to stomach all that, but I don't think you can. They've got no cares in the world, you see. They just have each other, and that's all they want. If they really cared about you, they wouldn't have involved you in their world."

That felt like a slap in the face. Being told the only friends you had really didn't care about you felt like a _slap in the face_.

"Why would you say that?" said Haruhi in a small voice, suddenly feeling like a deflated balloon.

"I just thought someone should stop you," Nekozawa said. "It's harsh, but sometimes people need a huge red light to know when to stop. Take care, Fujioka."

He walked away, leaving her there to go crazy.

* * *

"Haruhi, Haruhi!" Hikaru chanted. "We're going for a drive after school, do you want to come?"

"I don't know," snapped Haruhi.

"It'll be fun!" said Hikaru, and then he whispered, "Jiro replenished our stash last night."

Kaoru wasn't saying anything, just sitting opposite his brother and Haruhi.

"No, I really don't want to come," said Haruhi. "I've had enough of that for a while."

Hikaru looked really disappointed, and said to Kaoru, "Well, come on then."

When he was out of earshot, Kaoru laid a hand on Haruhi's shoulder and said, "Good for you, Haruhi."

* * *

The next day Haruhi wasn't feeling like herself. Maybe it was the sudden stop in drugs, because she felt anxious and jumpy all day.

"Are you okay, Haruhi?" asked Hikaru, concerned.

"I'm fine," she snapped.

She didn't know why she was suddenly pushing Hikaru away. Maybe Nekozawa's words meant something to her after all. If Hikaru _really_ cared about her, as he was always claiming, why would he involve her in his sick world? His world where he had sex with his own _brother_, and abused the hell out of drugs. Was he getting some kind of sadistic satisfaction out of corrupting Haruhi?

"What's wrong with you?" retorted Hikaru, annoyed. "You've been snappy all day."

"So?" said Haruhi waspishly, starting to get very angry. "It's not like you care, right?"

"What the hell," said Hikaru, narrowing his eyes at her.

Haruhi glared at him. "Don't act offended. I know you don't give a damn about me."

Hikaru looked around the study room, not wanting to cause a scene when everyone was busy studying quietly. He grabbed Haruhi's arm and pulled her out, despite her loud protests.

"What the _fuck_ has gotten into you?" hissed Hikaru.

Haruhi choked on a dry sob. "It's your fault I'm like this! You got me into your stupid drugs and your stupid, dangerous lifestyle!"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me! If you really cared anything about me, you would've kept me away from all this!" Haruhi accused.

"Let's get something straight," said Hikaru, his grip on her arm tightening to the point where Haruhi's eyes were starting to water. "I _do_ care about you. Caring about you doesn't mean I have to protect you all the time. I'm your friend, not your father, all right? I can't make decisions for you, I can't control your life. You said you wanted a change in your life. Okay. I wasn't going to judge you, I was gonna let you figure your life out for yourself."

And suddenly Haruhi felt like the biggest hypocrite in the world. She felt so incredibly _ashamed_ of herself, because she doubted Hikaru. She just wanted someone to blame, someone who wasn't her selfish old self. What Hikaru had given her was what she wanted most in the world: respect. He respected her to make her own decisions, the right decisions.

She flung herself at him, hugging him so tightly because she was afraid to let go. He instinctively held onto her, letting her cry on his shoulder.

"Oh Hikaru," she cried, "I'm so, so sorry! Please forgive me, I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay," he consoled her. "You can stop my stupid drugs and my stupid lifestyle any time. Just say the word."

Haruhi let go of him and wiped her eyes. She said, "But the thing is, I don't think I want to stop. I've been enjoying it all. It's just that everyone _else_ keeps telling me what a mistake I'm making. They don't respect me to live my own life, like you do."

Hikaru sighed, frustrated that what Jiro had said to her on Friday night apparently had no effect on her at all. "Haruhi, how many times do you need to hear it? Forget what everyone else wants. It's not your responsibility to please others, all right? The sooner you realize that, the sooner you'll be free."

* * *

"You were wrong, you know," said Haruhi the next day. "About Hikaru."

Nekozawa didn't turn around.

It was just the two of them in the music suite. The music suite was a kind of refuge for anyone in the Host Club, anyone that needed to get away. Haruhi sat opposite of Nekozawa and looked him square in the eye. There was an amused glint behind the blue eyes.

"Really?" he said.

Instead of being mad at him, which she had been up until now, Haruhi smiled. "I think I know what you did. And…I thank you."

"I didn't do anything, Fujioka," said he, with the faintest hint of a smile on his face.

Haruhi gave a small laugh. "Well thank you for doing nothing."

"So is everything the way it should be?" asked Nekozawa. He had a weird way of talking. Everything he said sounded like it had great meaning to it.

"Well, no," admitted Haruhi. "I haven't talked to Kyouya-senpai since…well, you know."

"Do you want to?"

"Well, I don't want things to continue the way they have," said Haruhi, "I'm going to have to see him everyday, and it's not worth the energy to be at odds."

"And what do you propose to do, Fujioka?" asked Nekozawa, leaning back in his chair.

Haruhi slouched in her seat, frustrated. "I don't know. I'll let him deal with it. I'm not going to bother myself over him anymore."

Nekozawa gave her "a look," as if to signify that was the right answer. The way the sun was reflecting off his blond hair made Haruhi think he looked like an angel of sorts.

She stared at him for a moment before saying, "You really have changed, you know. Just think of what you used to be last year. You were dark and sinister and now you're like…my guardian angel or something."

He almost smirked. "Guardian angel?"

She rolled her eyes and said, "You know."

* * *

During Haruhi's hour-long break after mathematics, she decided instead of studying she would go outside with Hikaru. Kaoru had to finish his biology exam and could not accompany them.

Hikaru lit up a cigarette, took a long drag, and said, "I've never really liked cigarettes. They're so gross and tame to me now."

"Then why do you smoke?" asked Haruhi, leaning against a metal bar.

Hikaru thought about it for a moment, then said, "Well I guess it just gives me something to do. A pre-show, something leading up to the main event. Like eating a toffee right before you scarf down a chocolate cake, you know?"

Haruhi laughed and said, "You're full of surprises, Hikaru, full of surprises."

"Is that good?" questioned Hikaru, genuinely curious.

Haruhi glanced at him sideways and smiled, "Why? Do you care what I think?"

"Yeah," said Hikaru, looking at his feet. "I care what you think. Just you."

Haruhi wasn't sure how to reply. She had a vague idea that Hikaru liked her last year, and that he still might carry feelings for her, but she couldn't force herself to reciprocate his feelings. She had tried over the summer to find some part of herself that might like Hikaru in a romantic way. She thought about the things she liked about him, but it didn't help. He was, and always would be, just Hikaru.

"It's good," she said neutrally. "You keep things interesting, although admittedly things are interesting enough at the moment."

In that simple sentence, Haruhi had managed to convey what she felt for Hikaru. He was interesting, but there was already enough of that in Haruhi's life. She didn't need any more interest, and if Hikaru couldn't decipher the meaning of her sentence, then it wasn't her fault. She'd done her part by voicing her feelings, even if it was cryptic and hidden, and the rest was up to him.

"Well that's good," said Hikaru enthusiastically, which proved that what Haruhi had said had no effect on him. She sighed internally, knowing all along he wouldn't understand. As long as he had Kaoru, maybe he wouldn't get hurt.

* * *

There was no Host Club meeting after school that day (Tamaki had to get a cavity filled, which so reminded Haruhi of Hunny.) However, she had left some of her belongings in the music quite earlier when she was studying before school. She hoped no one would be in there, she just wanted to be in and out as quick as possible so she could catch the next bus home.

Her things were in the back room, so she strode quickly. When she opened the door, however, she stopped in her tracks.

There was Kyouya, wearing a woman's dress and a long black wig, applying lip stick in front of a mirror. He didn't notice her until after she saw him, and when he saw her through the mirror he froze.

Haruhi burst out laughing. She couldn't remember ever laughing so hard in her life. There were tears in her eyes and she had to slump down to the floor because she couldn't support herself.

"Uh…Haruhi…" mumbled Kyouya. For this first time in his life, Kyouya couldn't think of anything to say.

"Oh my god…" gasped Haruhi, who was still laughing and rolling on the floor. Her stomach was beginning to ache.

"It's not what it…what it looks like," Kyouya stumbled over his words, "Tamaki's new idea for a Host activity, it, he…oh bugger."

Just like that, all the tension in their relationship was gone. Their inhumane rows from the previous week were forgotten, all because Kyouya was now dressed as a woman.

Haruhi was still laughing, gasping and weezing air whenever her uncontrollable laughter would allow her.

"Very funny, Haruhi," said Kyouya dryly, but he was still blushing.

Haruhi laughed and laughed and laughed.

"I'll increase your debt if you don't stop laughing -" Haruhi howled " -I'm warning you…" Haruhi continued "-Oh fuck it, I look ridiculous, don't I?"


	12. Say Anything Else

**Author's Note: **As usual, THANK YOU to all the great reviewers! Your reviews truly, truly inspire me to write more. My mid-year exams are finally over (and they were all very easy!), so I'm back to a schedule of school, homework, and fanfic writing. Unfortunately updates will not be as frequent as they were. Probably one update a week, or even less, because I'm trying to make the chapters longer with more content. It's also hard to come up with ideas for the story sometimes (yes, I too suffer from writer's block), so it's just easier to write as ideas come to me. As always, keep reading and reviewing!

And here's a question for you, if you'll kindly answer it in a review. What do you think of the made-up characters, like Jiro and his new friend introduced in this chapter? Do you feel the add to detract from the story?

* * *

Haruhi could not begin to explain how good it felt to be at peace with everyone in the Host Club. She hadn't realized it until after they reconciled, but being on bad terms with Kyouya had been hard. She pitied anyone who became an enemy of Otori Kyouya.

She was at a good place in her life. She wasn't too stressed, she'd been seeing her dad a bit more than usual, and she was speaking to Kyouya again (although, to be honest, 'speaking' was a rather strong term. They hadn't really talked even before their feud). She was still, much to the chagrin of her conscience, experimenting with drugs, but Haruhi managed to rationalize every minute of it. She was a clever girl, after all.

With so much ease finally in her life, she found she could make time to do things she'd wanted to do her whole life, like learn to speak English. She'd purchased an English-Japanese dictionary from the bookshop around the corner from her apartment building and had been struggling to learn something for the past week.

She sat quietly, her legs folded neatly underneath her, in the music suite, desperately trying not to rip her hair out. She was struggling with the word 'angular.'

"Un-gah-ler," she sounded out. She winced, positive that she had butchered the word.

The twins were amused and watched her from a safe distance since she was known to lash out and throw things when she became angry. Kyouya lay comfortably on the couch opposite Haruhi, paying no attention to her as he flipped through his Business textbook. Hiroshi was slumbering peacefully in a chair by the window, the sun reflecting off his black hair. Nekozawa and Tamaki were not yet there for the Host Club meeting.

"An-garler," she tried again slowly.

Kyouya finally put down his textbook and asked, a slight hint of annoyance in his voice, "What are you doing, Haruhi?"

"I can't pronounce this word," she said, frowning at the useless book.

Kyouya didn't know she was trying to pronounce an _English_ word and said, "It's your native language."

Haruhi looked at him, confused, before she understood. She giggled and said, "This is an English dictionary, senpai!"

"Let me see," he said. Haruhi made way for him on the couch and he sat next to her, leaning over her shoulder.

"An-gyuh-lar," Kyouya said articulately.

"An-gyuh-lar," repeated Haruhi. She said it several times under her breath. "Angular! Okay, I've got it. But what does it mean?"

Kyouya tried to explain it as best he could. "You know, it pertains to angles. You could have an angular body, like bones sticking out in places. It has to do with angles."

"I see," said Haruhi, looking back down at the dictionary.

"So you're trying to learn English?" asked Kyouya.

"Mm," said Haruhi. "It's proving to be very difficult, though."

"Most things are difficult, Fujioka, you just have to work at them," advised Kyouya. "Learning English wasn't easy for me either, but luckily I had a teacher to help me."

"Eh, it's too bad I don't have a teacher!" said Haruhi.

Kyouya fidgeted in his seat. This was an opportunity for him to do something "good." He could choose to be selfish and ignore Haruhi's indirect plea for help, or he could, for once in his life, choose to help someone other than himself. Despite the smallness of the situation, it was a big step for Kyouya Otori.

"I could…help you, if you want," offered Kyouya in a strained voice. He had never offered to help anyone before, so he felt awkward and odd.

Haruhi's large eyes brightened. "I would love that, senpai! That's very kind of you."

Kyouya nodded curtly. "It's nothing, Haruhi. Just let me know when you'd like to study."

"Well…how about right now?" asked Haruhi.

"Oh, uh, sure," said Kyouya, caught off guard. "That's fine."

So Kyouya taught her, unaware of the twins' presence in the room. No one, except for maybe Kaoru, noticed the dark glint in Hikaru's eyes that signaled jealousy. Haruhi laughed often and after a while Kyouya managed to loosen up himself. His shoulders were relaxed and he leaned in closer to Haruhi. They remained this way for another half hour, when finally Tamaki and Nekozawa entered the room looking grumpy, followed by Renge. Apparently she had sent them on a quest, in order to test Nekozawa's abilities.

* * *

That night Haruhi's father came home looking distraught. When asked why, he simply responded with a sigh as he flopped down on the sofa with a cup of sake.

"Father?" asked Haruhi, putting down her English dictionary. "Are you alright?"

He cradled his cup gingerly before replying, "Oh, it's nothing too bad. My good friend, Yori, from the bar is getting married next week. He's moving to London after the wedding because his fiancée has a business there. The old fool went straight on me."

Haruhi was secretly relieved it wasn't something more serious, but she felt her father's sorrow all the same. His friends mostly came from the bar since he didn't have much of a life outside of work.

"I'm sorry," said Haruhi, trying to sympathize with him as much as possible.

He drank deeply from his cup before saying, "I'll tell you something, Haruhi. When you get married, you better make damn sure that you're committed to the other person. Sometimes you have to sacrifice your whole life for love and it would be such a waste if it were for nothing."

What her father said got Haruhi thinking later that night. She had just settled herself under the covers of her bed and turned the bedside lamp off when his words came back to her. She was, of course, too young to think of marriage seriously, but it never hurt to think ahead. Didn't most girls fantasize about their weddings when they were little? With flowing white dresses, wind blowing in their hair, and pale pink flowers lining the aisle. Why hadn't Haruhi ever thought of marriage when she was little?

She supposed it was because she didn't have a mother growing up. She had lost her at such a young age that the underlying feelings of romance and love were gone. Maybe this was why Haruhi was so androgynous now; she hadn't had that guiding, soothing female voice to lead her through life's obstacles. She used to resent her mother for leaving, as if she'd left on purpose, but maturity and age had caught with Haruhi in the end, perhaps too soon. She couldn't remember ever doing little kid-like things. She never imagined her wedding or played with dolls. She never liked making her own little garden or watching cartoons. She had been, quite honestly, a somber and sullen little girl.

Thinking now, as a 16-year-old girl, what would her wedding be like? Who could she see herself marrying? Her first thought was Tamaki, but not because she had romantic feelings for him. He was just the only boy that she knew of who held feelings for her. She couldn't imagine ever meeting anyone else who might like her as more than a friend. Certainly no one had expressed such feelings besides Tamaki. It never occurred to Haruhi that there might be people who liked her but didn't voice their feelings like Tamaki. She imagined she would have an outdoor wedding, not in a church. She was not particularly religious, and besides, the religion of Christianity generally looked down upon people like her father. She wouldn't want her father to feel uncomfortable at his only child's wedding. She wasn't sure she'd wear one of those large white dresses. First, because she would never be able to afford one of those and second, because she knew she would trip in such a long dress. But it was no use fretting over such minute details so far ahead of time.

All these thoughts of weddings and futures made Haruhi sleepy. Her eyelids drooped lazily, and as she took in a last look at her surroundings - shadows playing on her closet door, the ticking of her wall clock, the sound of her father in the kitchen - her last thought was of a tall, black-haired boy with glasses…

* * *

"Haruhi, Haruhi, we haven't seen you in a while!" chimed Hikaru. "You're going to play with us today, aren't you?"

Haruhi was positive that when Hikaru said 'play' he didn't mean dolls and fake stethoscopes.

"What did you have in mind?" she asked, slightly weary.

He glanced at her sideways, a Cheshire grin on his face. "It's been a while since you've done a line, hasn't it?"

It was true. It had been almost a week, and ashamed as she was to admit it, Haruhi had been pining for some kind of sustenance to calm her. Anything would do, really. She wasn't picky when she was anxious.

"I suppose," said Haruhi lightly. "Are you driving?"

"Nah, our parents are here this week. We didn't want them to get suspicious," said Hikaru. "I thought we could walk to Jiro's since he's just down the street from here."

"That's sounds nice," said Haruhi, "The fresh air will do us good."

So after the Host Club meeting, the twins and Haruhi headed for Jiro's apartment. The way there was familiar to Haruhi; she knew where to turn and which staircases to go up, and she even guessed which door lead to Jiro.

"Ah, my playmates!" said Jiro happily when the three of them entered. He was standing by an open window, allowing the wind to come in. He was smoking a cigarette with another man. This man was tall, very skinny, and had yellow skin. His teeth were yellow also (quite like horse teeth) and he had a long, gaunt face. His eyes looked dead but he grinned with such intensity that it still brought energy and exuberance to his face.

"Lady Haruhi, meet my best friend, Sho," said Jiro by way of introduction. Sho grinned at her and bowed courteously.

"Sho, it's been a while," said Hikaru, striding forward to shake Sho's hand.

Kaoru followed suit, but he embraced Sho like a brother instead of shaking his hand. Clearly Kaoru had a closer relationship with Sho than Hikaru did.

"Hello Ruffian," said Sho affectionately, ruffling Kaoru's hair. "Where've you been, darling?"

"So how are we corrupting the lady today?" asked Jiro, staring at Haruhi with an almost scary smile on his face.

"She gets to choose," said Hikaru. "It's her day today."

Haruhi felt flattered. Jiro showed her his stash, telling her about each item and its affects. She picked up a bag of white crystals and asked, "What are these? They're pretty."

"Meth. Standard stuff to make you happy," explained Jiro. "I'm surprised you haven't tried it before. Would you like to?"

She didn't know how a bag of crystals was going to do anything. It looked virtually harmless. What she supposed to sniff at it?

"I suppose so," said Haruhi, handing him the bag.

"Well boys, we've got ourselves a meth party!" Jiro said loudly, crawling towards the table in the middle of the room on all fours with the bag in his mouth. His friend, Sho, cheered and laughed, showing off his horse teeth.

Jiro took out one large crystal from the bag and placed in on a tray. He looked around quickly for something heavy, and finally settled on a tatty hardcover book to smash on the crystal. It beat at it for several minutes until the crystal turned into a fine powder.

"S'basically like coke," said Sho. It was the first thing he'd said since Haruhi met him. "You've done coke, yeah?"

Haruhi nodded, watching Jiro work. She always found the preamble just as fascinating as being under the influence of drugs.

"Why don't we let the special girl go first?" said Jiro, passing the tray over to her with a neat line of white powder on it, and handing her a rolled up piece of paper. "Gosh, it feels like it's your first period or something, doesn't it? Baby Haruhi is becoming a woman."

Haruhi was only a little shocked at his bluntness. This was Jiro after all. "How would you know about things like that?" asked Haruhi, her eyes narrowed suspiciously.

Jiro laughed easily with her. "Baby, I respect the female body in _all_ its glory."

He received several stares, and one smirk from Sho, who probably knew what he was talking about.

"An ex-girlfriend of mine, total bitch, once needed me to buy her tampons. It was a fascinating errand, I tell you," he said, a sleazy grin on his face.

Haruhi only rolled her eyes, trying to hide her repulsion. There were just some things that guys did not need to know about. Menstruation was one of those things.

She dipped her head down, back in familiar territory. It may be a new drug, but the intake was familiar. She knew what to do, as if it were routine. She felt each individual particle flying up her nasal cavities. She coughed slightly, since it had been a while. It didn't take very long for the effects to start. By the time everyone had had their first round she was energetic and talkative. She found everyone changed in some way under the influence, except for Jiro. Maybe it was because, after so many years of hard drugs, drugs were who he became. He was the same, with or without drugs. But with everyone else, it was as though they had suddenly been jolted to life. Like someone had put a coin into their machines and they sprung to life, like puppets in a play.

After their second round, which was approximately an hour and a half later, things became calmer. Sho and Kaoru were sitting alone in a corner, laughing and enjoying being in each other's company. Jiro sat by himself on his old mattress, flipping through porn magazines unabashedly and Hikaru gazed into space, unaware of his surroundings. He looked tired.

Instead of going to sit by Hikaru, Haruhi went towards Jiro, and sat beside him on the mattress. It felt like such an insignificant decision, but later on she would find out that it meant a lot to Hikaru.

"You shouldn't look through those," said Haruhi, forever the naïve one, "Those are bad."

"Little Red," started Jiro sweetly, "I, am 25 years old. You, little girl, should not be looking at naughty magazines with naked people just yet. Maybe when you're 17."

"Being older doesn't mean you get to look at stuff like that," said Haruhi.

"Baby, they make these for a reason. Someone's gotta be looking at them to make a profit. And me, I'm a pervert, I'll admit it. I like sex and thinking about sex and hey, if I don't have anyone to have sex with, I'll have sex with myself. Sometimes I just need some encouragement from these lovely ladies," he said, gesturing to the women on the page.

Haruhi was confused. "How could you…do that with yourself?"

Jiro let out a loud laugh and surprised Haruhi by kissing her hard on the mouth. "Ah, my little love, you are always full of funny surprises. I wish I could bottle your innocence and wear it like a perfume, but come, I mustn't think of you in a naughty way - you're my salvation! Darling, there are only two things one needs to have sex with oneself. One, an incredible lust for sex, and two, a nice bottle of lube. That is all I shall tell you, because even I'm not soulless enough to tell you these things. How about I give you a homework assignment? You find out how to have sex with yourself and tell me. I promise not to think naughty thoughts while you tell me, but I will give you another kiss."

He promptly kissed her again, but this time on her eyelids. Haruhi disagreed, she thought Jiro was the one full of funny surprises. He was by all standards a truly despicable human being - perverted, infatuated with all things dirty, and a true drug addict - but Haruhi found herself loving him more each time she met him. She was also certain she would not complete his 'homework assignment.'

* * *

When Haruhi was alone or things were relatively quiet, she found herself thinking back to some of the things that Jiro said. He talked about a wide range of things, most of which Haruhi had no experience with. He talked about sex, promiscuity, and love, among other things. Haruhi had never encountered any, except for maybe sex, but only when she had been in the hotel room full of strangers. She felt, even though she'd been opening her eyes to new things, that she was still lacking. She found herself incapable of feeling _emotion_ of any important kind. She could be riled, annoyed, and angered, but these were all the same root emotion: unhappiness.

She felt selfish and ungrateful when she thought she might be unhappy. What was there to be unhappy about? She had shelter, food, clothing, a good education, and a relatively healthy relationship with the only remaining family member she had. She wasn't rich, and therefore wasn't decadent or wasteful. She took advantage of what she had, and rarely complained. But wasn't this what Jiro would call a 'half-life'? Haruhi could imagine him taunting her, telling her she needed to step out of her comfort zone. He would ramble eloquently about taking chances, doing things simply because she wanted to, or even taking a day off from all the stresses in her life. She knew that nothing Jiro would say would be impossible - indeed the things she had just thought of were not unheard of, they were common occurrences, but they just seemed so outside to her, and that was what worried her. Maybe she wasn't really living after all. Something so simple as living - breathing, eating, sleeping - was what she was lacking. Living didn't just consist of bodily necessities, it consisted of fulfilling one's desires, playing out one's dreams, and living symbiotically with one's natural surroundings. If there was no life afterward, which Haruhi was starting to believe, then this was her only chance to be great in every sense of the world. It was her only chance to take risks, to be a child, to be careless and free.

* * *

The next day, Haruhi felt constricted. These sudden realizations came at her when she was caught off guard, when she was unprotected. She felt nauseous, too big in a too small place, and desperately wanted to shrink down to a miniscule size.

She saw Hikaru and Kaoru leaning against the brick walls of the school, looking cool and intimidating. Hikaru was smoking a cigarette behind the Adviser's back and Kaoru was playing with his twin's hair. Haruhi, for some unexplainable reason, felt that no matter how much she tried, she would never be one of them. She wasn't sure she wanted to be in the first place, but she knew that, despite Hikaru's feelings for her and Kaoru's protectiveness of her, she would never have what they had - which was closeness; a sense of belonging.

"You don't look very happy," Kyouya observed, surprising Haruhi. She had been sitting on one of the grand staircases during her lunch block, with her elbows on her knees and her head resting in her hands. Kyouya was standing behind her.

"Well, you can't be happy everyday," said Haruhi glumly.

"That," said Kyouya, sitting down beside her, "Is probably one of the smartest things you've ever said."

"That's funny," said Haruhi, with absolutely no humor in her voice. "When I'm finally cracked and cynical, you think I'm being smart."

"Well, Fujioka, why are you cracked and cynical?" asked Kyouya neutrally.

"Why, do you suddenly care now?" asked Haruhi, some malice in her voice.

Instead of retaliating, Kyouya gave the faintest hint of a smile. "I wouldn't dream of furthering angering an already angry woman. Hormones and all that are a very tricky business to get mixed up with. So tell me, what has made you cracked and cynical?"

"Do you promise not to laugh?" asked Haruhi tentatively.

"No," said Kyouya bluntly.

Haruhi rolled her eyes but continued anyway. "I don't know."

Kyouya looked at her inquiringly. "You don't know?"

"No," said Haruhi, shaking her head. "Isn't that strange? I really must not know myself if I can't figure out what's bothering me. And that's what bothers me."

"That's…strange."

"Has that ever happened to you?" asked Haruhi, some hope in her eyes. She desperately hoped she wasn't alone in feeling unsure. "Have you ever felt like you didn't know yourself at all?"

Kyouya looked at her weirdly, as if she should've known the answer. "I don't mean to be unsympathetic towards you, because a lot of people suffer like you do, but I'm me. I know myself inside and out, and maybe that's just because I've been so reclusive all my life, but I've never doubted myself."

Haruhi frowned down at the floor. "I don't understand you, Kyouya-senpai."

"What's not to understand?" he asked.

"You seem to be impenetrable. You act like nothing can harm you, like nothing affects you the way it does anyone else. But you're not inhuman, senpai, you're a person like everyone else. So I don't know what your secret is, how you avoid being hurt and avoid being touched, but it's not…normal. You're not really living either."

That last sentence was more to herself than to Kyouya, because Kyouya had no idea what Haruhi was thinking in her head. He didn't know that she was barely living, as he barely was.

Kyouya seemed to take his time in finding a suitable answer. "I don't do this often. Actually I've never done it before, I don't think. I don't try to justify myself or redeem myself, because I've always thought that what others thought of me was unimportant in the long run. True, what others think of me is what my father is always preaching, but deep down in the crevices of my black, heartless soul, there is a small marble of humanity which yearns to be my own person. So, Haruhi, when you tell me what you think of me so blatantly without restraint or concern for any retaliation, I'm forced to tell you what you want to hear, which is the truth about me: I'm inadequate."

Haruhi wasn't quite sure what he was saying. "Inadequate?"

It seemed to pain Kyouya to continue. "I'm an inadequate human being. I'm flawed, I'm imperfect, simply because I do not feel things."

Now Haruhi was getting thoroughly confused. "But everyone feels things…even the bad feelings."

"I don't," said Kyouya. "I can force an expression on my face, I can appear to feel things but it's pretend. They're just reflexes and an empty hope that someday I'll be a real person."

Silence.

"So I guess we're two fucked up people, huh? You don't know who you are and that scares you. I know exactly who I am and I don't know how to feel."

Haruhi frowned at the ground, feeling worse than before, but slightly comforted that she wasn't the only person in the world with problems. She looked across at Kyouya, at his passive neutral face, and reached out to touch it. She barely brushed her hands against his face, but she felt a cold chill and she took back her hand, looking back down at the ground.


	13. She's Attracted To

**Author's Note: **Just wanted to say thanks again for the great reviews! Keep reading and reviewing.

* * *

This new piece of information that Kyouya had divulged about himself left Haruhi feeling empty; confused. She couldn't understand how a person could _not_ feel anything. Surely Kyouya had felt something, at some point in his life. Had he never experienced happiness, fear, anger, hate…love?

Haruhi stared at the ground, unsure of what to say. Kyouya had a way of making her feel speechless. She never knew what to say around him, because what was one _supposed_ to say around a completely fucked-up person?

"I'm not a bad person, you know," said Kyouya after a while.

Haruhi looked back up at him. "No," she said, "I suppose not."

"But you have to understand, Haruhi," he continued, "My father…and…and, my brothers, they're just so…I mean, I'm not exactly explaining it too well, am I? Oh, shit, I don't know, Haruhi. Maybe I am a bad person or something. Fuck it, this is too hard to say."

Haruhi didn't think twice; she laced her fingers through his and squeezed reassuringly. "You don't need to explain anything to me," she said, "I'm not a judgmental person, you know. You should never have to explain yourself to anyone."

"Don't I, though?" asked Kyouya. "It's not exactly like I have a choice in the matter."

"Of course you do. Anyone can be strong and brave and all that, but you have to ask yourself if you want to be. Being brave isn't easy; it means giving up a part of yourself, a part that you probably don't want to give away."

"And what part of me is that?" said Kyouya, looking at her intently.

"You tell me."

And so it began. Finally, after a year of struggling with him, Haruhi had finally torn away all the false layers to Kyouya Otori, and seen him in his primal, natural state. She thought it was the most beautiful thing to see, Kyouya being Kyouya. And so now, since Haruhi had seen a vulnerable side to him, Kyouya was trusting her with himself. A friendship of sorts.

* * *

"Cho Masa said she saw you and Kyouya holding hands," said Hikaru, an accusatory tone in his voice.

"Who the hell is Cho Masa?" asked Haruhi.

Hikaru rolled his eyes. "That's beside the point. She's in our biology class. But _were you holding hands with Kyouya_?"

"What's it to you?" retorted Haruhi. "He was in need of a friend and I just happened to be around."

"That doesn't mean you hold his fucking hand!" yelled Hikaru, surprising Haruhi. "I mean fuck, Haruhi, what were you thinking?"

Haruhi was now starting to feel like she was being wrongly accused of something. "God, what's the big deal?"

"What's the big deal?" repeated Hikaru loudly, "The big deal is Kyouya is bad news. He's a fucking bad person, Haruhi. If you get mixed up with him you'll regret it, trust me."

"He's not a bad person!" snapped Haruhi. "You've never even bothered to get to know him, you hypocrite! So don't judge people you don't know."

Hikaru barked out a laugh. "Oh, and you know him, do you? You think just because he said one or two words to you that you're now best friends or something? He'll screw you over, Haruhi, that's all he's good for."

"You're way out of line, Hikaru," seethed Haruhi. "Just mind your own business for once in your life."

"I'm looking out for you!" said Hikaru, shaking Haruhi's shoulders. "I care for you, and Kyouya doesn't!"

"Well I don't want you to care for me!" screamed Haruhi. "I know how you feel about me and I don't feel the same fucking way about you! All you're doing is isolating me from the rest of the world because you don't fucking want me to be with anyone else! You really think that by hiding me away from every other guy I'm going to suddenly fall in love with you? Well I'm not! I'm not going to let you do that to me, like you've been doing it to Kaoru for his whole life!"

Hikaru went pale. Perhaps because no one had ever said something so hurtful to him before or because what Haruhi said was actually true. Maybe he was the reason why Kaoru was so dependant on him. How could he live with himself if he knew he was the reason Kaoru didn't trust anyone? Now, looking at Haruhi, he saw himself as a monster, trying to hide the wonderful girl's potential away from the world.

"Look Hikaru," said Haruhi, slightly calmer. "I love you, I love you like a _brother_, and I will never, never have those kind of feelings for you. I think the sooner you understand that, the better things will be between us, because I can't keep being your friend if you think I'm leading you on. I don't want you to have false hope that someday I'll fall for you, because I won't."

Hikaru nervously fumbled through his pockets, finally producing a pack of cigarettes and stuck one in his mouth.

"Yeah, um, I'm sorry," he said, his fingers shaking as he lit the cigarette, "I've got to go."

She watched him walk away, with his shaking hands down at his side and the lit cigarette in his mouth. She hoped he'd come back someday. But right now, things just weren't right. Everything was going too fast for Haruhi to stop and take a look at what was becoming of her life.

* * *

"You hurt him."

Haruhi signed. Kaoru called her that night, while she was reading through her English dictionary to discuss the events of that day. She didn't know what to say to Kaoru.

"Are you going to…apologize?"

"Of course I'm not going to apologize. I meant everything I said, Kao, and God, I don't even know anymore. I don't want to think about it."

"Look, I understand you're going through something, but I don't know _what_. Just let me in, okay? Talk to me."

She didn't say anything.

"Okay, how about you just tell me what happened today. Exactly as it happened."

"I don't know…Hikaru was getting overly upset about Kyouya and he wouldn't let me _breathe_. He was smothering me and it was like he owned me or something. He doesn't own me, Kaoru."

"Why did he get upset over Kyouya? What does he have to do with this?"

"I was talking to him today. Just _talking_. He confided in me and I held his hand, that was it. Some stupid gossip told Hikaru she saw us holding hands and he blew up."

"Haruhi…you know that Hikaru has feelings for you, right?"

"…Yes."

"And you know that he's protective of the both of us, because we're all he has."

"Yes."

"And when he heard you were holding hands with another guy, maybe he overreacted, but it wasn't because he thought he owned you. He thought he was losing you. You have to understand that Hikaru's not the most stable person. He's never been good at controlling himself or being rational, so when something like you and Kyouya having a heart-to-heart hits him in the face, he's not going to sit down and think, 'Okay, let's be calm about this first'; he's going to jump to conclusions and think you're abandoning him."

"That's so silly though! I know he's hot-headed and short-tempered, but he has no right to try and limit my friendships! It was a big step for Kyouya today, confiding in me like that. How dare Hikaru think that he was some kind of hold over me? He's my friend, I love him, but he's just a _friend_."

"He's your friend, you love him, so you have to accept him for everything he is. He's an annoying, emotionally stunted prat, but I love him unconditionally. He's my brother, my best friend, and sometimes something more. Don't think he doesn't get on my nerves too. We argue and fight, but I have to love him, because I know I'd be miserable without him. So ask yourself, Haruhi, do you love him unconditionally, or are you just a fair-weather friend?"

Haruhi's first instinct was to reprimand Kaoru for asking her such an obvious question. Of course she wasn't a fair-weather friend. She wasn't using Hikaru for anything; she was his friend. But she didn't understand the concept of unconditional love: accepting people for who they were, and loving them in spite - or even because of - their mistakes and flaws. Haruhi wasn't sure she could embrace Hikaru's faults and love him just the same. She loved him when he was friendly, fun, and easy-going. She didn't when he was angry, unreasonable, and tyrannical. Kaoru just explained that he loved Hikaru even when he was being the latter three, but could Haruhi find it in herself to love Hikaru the same way?

"I have to go, Kaoru."

* * *

The next day Haruhi didn't see either of the twins. She walked through her day, not ingesting anything. It was a series of blurs and fast pictures, some with audio, some without. She looked up every time someone with glasses walked by, not really sure why. She avoided anyone with blond hair, and ran when she saw the first sign of red. What she wanted was a woman of middle-height, in her early 40s, with a warm, accepting smile. She was dead, of course, but it didn't hurt to dream. All Haruhi had left was energy to dream.

After school at the bus stop, Haruhi caught sight of Jiro on the other side of the street, exiting the Chemist's. He waved to her, a bright smile on his face.

"Hello Haruhi!"

"Hi," she responded glumly.

"What's the matter with you, angel?"

"I don't know," she said, "I'm just feeling dejected. Say, would you happen to have a pick-me-up on you?"

Jiro looked down at her sternly, and produced a little baggy of white powder from his jacket pocket. When Haruhi reached for it, he moved his hand out of her grasp.

"Hey!"

"You know, Haruhi, sometimes you need to ride out the storm," he said.

"What on earth are you talking about?" asked Haruhi.

"If you dope yourself up every time something goes wrong, pretty soon you won't feel anything anymore. And that's the worst thing to happen to a person: complete and total numbness. You'd just be a dead soul inside a physical body. So no, Haruhi, you can't have any of this."

"Give it to me!" she yelled, slashing at him. He beat off her slaps and punches, finally catching both of her wrists firmly.

"Go home, Haruhi," he said through gritted teeth, for the first time ever acting like the responsible adult. "Take a shower, read a book, live."

"You're the one who's always telling me not to care what others think!" snapped Haruhi, glaring at him.

"That's a completely different concept! Right now you're hurting, and if you start doing this to yourself when you're hurt, you're never gonna feel hurt again! It may seem like a great thing, never to be hurt again, but trust me, when you're incapable of feeling, anything looks great. You'll start wishing you could feel something - anything - and you'll do whatever it takes. I don't want you to go down that road, Haruhi, because it sucks. It sucks like fucking hell."

He let go of Haruhi's wrists and she snatched them back, looking down at the ground.

"Come on, I'll give you a ride home."

"No, I'm fine."

"That wasn't a suggestion - let's go."

Haruhi followed him back to his apartment building parking lot, and looked at his banged-up old car. She got into the passenger seat reluctantly and allowed him to take her home.

When he pulled up beside her apartment building, he said finally, after a whole car ride of silence, "When I first met you, I thought you were a bit…blank. So I had some fun with you, strung you along, but I never thought you'd captivate me the way you have. I used to look at you as a toy to amuse me, but now I see you as a real person, with real feelings, and real problems. I'm sorry I didn't see it before - maybe I could've stopped you from going down this road of self-destruction, but I know I couldn't force you to. So, just take it easy, okay? Use discretion and all that, and maybe I'll see you around. Maybe we can hang out without drugs and all that stuff; we could just…talk, get some coffee."

He kissed the top of her head and unlocked the door for her, and watched her leave. She stopped at her front door from the second landing, and gave him a small wave to show no hard feelings.

* * *

True to his word, Jiro showed up at school the next day to take Haruhi out to coffee. She welcomed the idea, wanting to talk, let loose, and be normal. He took her to a small, nameless café on the other side of the city; the rich side.

"Okay, so I like to visit my rich life sometimes," said Jiro with a smirk on his face.

A pretty young woman seated them and smiled warmly at Jiro. "Ah, Jiro-san! It's so good to see you!"

"You too, Sayuri," he said timidly, a twinkle in his eyes.

After Sayuri served them coffee and walked away, Jiro was still looking after her with a dreamy smile.

Haruhi had a faint idea she knew what was going on. "So who is she?"

Jiro's eyes snapped back to her and he shrugged. "I used to come here a lot when I was still living with my parents. She's always been nice and warm to me and it's good to see her again."

"You like her?"

"Why - why would you say that?" he asked nervously.

"Because in all the time I've known you, you've never been shy or timid in front of a girl. Now you're suddenly fixing your hair and sitting up straight," teased Haruhi.

"I might have…liked her, when I was younger. I won't deny that she's incredibly pretty," said Jiro sheepishly.

"You know, you're always sleeping around with random people, but you've never settled down, have you? Have you ever had a steady girlfriend?"

"Once. I was 11 and it lasted for two days. Probably the best relationship in the history of relationships."

Haruhi laughed. "Well, maybe this Sayuri will beat that other girl. Give her a chance, won't you?"

"I don't think you should be giving me relationship advice," said Jiro, turning the tables, "Little Miss Anti-Love."

"I'm not anti-love!" protested Haruhi.

"Hikaru likes you, you turn him down. I hear that Suoh kid is in love with you, you turn him down," said Jiro, starting to put down fingers.

"I just haven't found the right person," said Haruhi, looking away. She could feel a blush creeping up her neck.

Jiro stared at her thoughtfully. A smile played on his lips as he said, "Yes you have. I can tell."

"How?"

"I just can. Who is it, then?"

"Well, I don't know! There isn't anyone that I can think of," said Haruhi, racking her brain.

"Anyone from your Host Club?" asked Jiro.

Haruhi thought of the boys in the Host Club. Definitely not Tamaki or Hikaru. Probably not Kaoru, even though he was the sweetest boy she'd ever met. Not Hiroshi, even though he was smart and polite. Not Nekozawa, because although he was helpful and great to talk to, she couldn't see herself with him, years from now. Not Kyouya, because…because…

Haruhi's eyes widened.

"I think you just found out," said Jiro, sipping his coffee and looking at her delightedly.

She couldn't like Kyouya, could she? She hardly talked to him, save for that time a few days ago. History proved that they could not get along - they were always arguing and disagreeing. He set her insides aflame with his arrogance and secrecy, but wasn't she still curious about him all the same? Didn't her mind wander sometimes, and thoughts of him would come flooding to her? And whenever she saw a black-haired boy with glasses she would look up, expectantly…

"How - how do you know when you've found…that person?" asked Haruhi, aghast.

Jiro gave her a small shrug. "I wouldn't know, I've never been in love. But I think I might know. I think it's just…a feeling you get around that person. You feel scared, nervous, happy, and excited all at the same time. But you know, sometimes I disagree, because you can fall in love with anyone, and you don't always have to feel that way. It's just compatibility, like pieces in a puzzle."

"And Sayuri?"

"Sayuri…makes me feel scared, nervous, happy, and excited at the same time," admitted Jiro with a small smile.

"Well, what are you going to do about it?" asked Haruhi, feeling excited for him. "You should ask her to dinner. But you'll have to clean up a bit, Jiro. No girl wants to date a bum, and Sayuri looks like a decent girl."

"She'd never date a guy like me," he said somberly. "Sure, I've got a rich background, but I'm not a clean, decent kid. She deserves a rich businessman…someone from Europe or something. I mean c'mon, what can I give her? I'm a washed-up drug addict who lives in a dingy, one-room apartment."

"Oh, don't be so quick to judge," Haruhi admonished, breaking a piece of her muffin and popping it into her mouth. "Don't speak for her. Speak _to_ her. And here's your chance! She's coming this way."

Sayuri, with a tray of food in hand, was walking towards them, her hips swaying and a pretty smile on her face. She stopped at the table and said, "Anything else I can get you?"

Haruhi nudged Jiro's foot under the table and he swallowed nervously. "I…uh…would you, um, perhaps want to, uh, get dinner sometime?"

Sayuri's face was blank for a few seconds, and in those few seconds Jiro swallowed and fidgeted and stopped breathing.

Finally her face brightened and she said, "Of course! That sounds lovely."

She wrote down her number and address on a napkin for him, and with one last bright smile, she walked away.

"That wasn't so hard!" said Haruhi gleefully.

"Fuck."

"What's wrong?" Haruhi asked.

"I've never been on a date. I'm into fucking, not dating," he said, as it dawned on him that he would have to take a girl out on an actual date…with conversation.

"It'll be fine, I promise," said Haruhi, squeezing his hand. "You'll have fun, she'll see what a great guy you are, and you two will be happy together forever. Or something like that."

Jiro sunk down in his seat and groaned. "Fuck fuck fuckity fuck."

* * *

"We're going out tonight," said Jiro's voice two nights later.

"You and Sayuri?"

"Yes, damnit! What do I wear? What do I _do_?" he moaned.

Haruhi was currently in Kyouya's living room, surrounded by books. Kyouya had kept his word, and he was helping her learn English. They'd been at it for over an hour, and Haruhi was frustrated, while Kyouya seemed amused.

"You have to help me!" said Jiro from the other side of the phone. "I don't own nice clothes or anything!"

"Well…are you taking her somewhere fancy or casual?" asked Haruhi. She didn't think Jiro had any money.

"My mother wired me some money last week, plus I got a wad of cash from a drug deal I did last night, so I thought I'd splurge and take her to Atsuko's."

"What's Atsuko's?" questioned Haruhi.

"It's a very swank restaurant a few blocks from Tamaki's house," said Kyouya absent-mindedly.

"Oh dear," said Haruhi. "What are you going to wear?"

"I don't know!"

"Can I talk to him?" asked Kyouya suddenly, surprising Haruhi.

"Um…sure," she said, cautiously handing him her mobile.

In the time that Haruhi spent quizzically looking at Kyouya, he was already done speaking with Jiro.

"He's coming over here," he said nonchalantly. "I said I'd help him find something to wear."

"You know Jiro?" asked Haruhi, amazed.

"Haruhi…it's my job to know anyone worth knowing. His father is an important contributor to my father's medical empire, so naturally I know who his children are. Admittedly, I haven't kept up with him since his father disowned him," said Kyouya thoughtfully. "I also didn't know you were friends with him."

Haruhi was suddenly nervous. She didn't want to explain how she knew Jiro. "I am," was all she said, and went back to the books before Kyouya could further question her.

When Kyouya's doorbell rang twenty minutes later, Haruhi made sure to get to Jiro first, to warn him not to mention Haruhi's involvement in drugs.

"Naughty Haruhi," he admonished playfully, "Keeping things from your friends."

"Hello Jiro," said Kyouya cordially from the hallway, "It's good to see you after so long."

Jiro, never one to be cordial or formal, enveloped Kyouya in a hug. Kyouya looked mortified and disheveled and Haruhi giggled. One could always count on Jiro to break the tension or awkwardness.

After Jiro released Kyouya and he fixed his glasses, he said, "So you're taking a girl to Atsuko's? Which girl, might I ask?"

"Sayuri, from that one café," said Jiro.

"Mahuto's daughter?" said Kyouya, raising his eyebrows. "I didn't think she lived here anymore. Didn't her family move to the United States?"

"They did," replied Jiro. "Over 10 years ago. Sayuri was still at Ouran so she lived with her aunt's family until she could move out and get a place of her own. Her father offered to continue sending money, but she wanted to get a job and support herself. Last I heard she wanted to go to art school, but she's still trying to get enough money to go."

"Well, there's your compatibility, Jiro," said Haruhi. "You'll have plenty to talk about."

"Like I said, Haruhi, I'm into fucking, not dating. Kyouya knows what I'm talking about, right?" said Jiro, nudging Kyouya's side. Kyouya looked away.

"Kyouya?" said Haruhi, looking right at him.

He refused to meet her eyes, but finally said, "Well, I'm not a virgin, Haruhi."

"Of course not…" said Haruhi softly, remembering Lola and all those other girls.

Jiro was now looking at Haruhi oddly, as if he'd just realized something, but Haruhi was too busy avoiding anyone's gaze to notice. The air was heavy and tense now.

"So, uh, have any ideas to make a street rat look like a gentleman?" said Jiro with a laugh.

Haruhi and Kyouya snapped out of their reveries and looked at Jiro, then looked to each other. This would be a hard task.

* * *

Two hours later, Haruhi and Kyouya emerged from Kyouya's bedroom looking exhausted. Following them was an impeccably dressed gentleman, in a black suit. Everything was black save for a silver tie. His hair fell stylishly bellow his ears, with some short hairs hanging over his eyes. Unless closely expected, no one could tell that this gentleman was, in fact, Jiro.

Jiro looked at the wall clock and said, "Blast! I'd better leave now if I want to catch the tram to Sayuri's apartment."

"Take my limousine," said Kyouya.

"What? Really?" Jiro hugged him once again, and Kyouya lost his composure under the pressure. "Otori, I underestimated you! After this, we are definitely hanging out!"

Jiro quickly pecked Haruhi's lips and, with final farewells and well wishes from Haruhi and Kyouya, he left. Haruhi and Kyouya were standing in the open grand doorway, watching Jiro enter the limousine and roll away.

"I think they'll have a nice time," said Haruhi dreamily, caught up in the romance. "It was very nice of you to help him, Kyouya. Who knows? There might be hope for you yet." She playfully squeezed his hand.

Kyouya said, "Well, you might not think I'm so nice after tonight. You, Fujioka, have neglected your English lesson. You're in for a rough night tonight."

Haruhi groaned as Kyouya shut the front doors. She felt her last hope for freedom was crushed as the doors slammed shut. She unwillingly followed Kyouya back to the living room, fully prepared to tease and annoy him as much as possible.


	14. Sink to the Bottom With You

**Author's Note: **I didn't get quite as many reviews as I was hoping for when I posted the last chapter. I'll admit it: I'm a silly, little perfectionist who needs constant reassurance and feedback. All writers are this way. So if you're reading my fic and haven't left a review yet, DO IT NOW! I don't mind if it's only a word; I don't mind if it's constructive criticism; just let me know that you're reading!

Also, I hate admitting it, but I sometimes watch Gilmore Girls when I'm really really bored, and I caught an episode the other day with a quote that I liked a lot, so if any of you are die-hard GG fans who have quotes memorized, be on the lookout in this chapter! It's not a direct quote because I tweaked it a little, but it's still easily recognized.

* * *

"How was your date?"

"Absolutely perfect. And mortifying," said Jiro.

"So you'll be seeing her again?" asked Haruhi.

"I hope so. I mean, I still don't get why she'd be interested in a guy like me, but I figure I should make the most of it, while it lasts."

"Oh, don't be so cynical, Jiro," Haruhi admonished. "If she didn't like you, I'm sure she'd let you know."

When Haruhi thought about friendships, she automatically thought of the Hitachiin twins. They were her first friends at Ouran. They had accepted her without question: they accepted the fact that she was an androgynous girl from a poor neighborhood, who was currently passing herself as a boy to pay off a debt. They accepted that she was straight-laced and studious, and not exactly the most fun person to be around. They introduced her to new things, things that she wasn't ashamed of anymore, and to new people, with whom she was now close. Jiro, her sturdy shoulder to lean on, was all she had these days, besides Kyouya.

Kyouya. Haruhi still couldn't believe that she and Kyouya talked on a regular basis, in and out of the Host Club. She couldn't believe that she felt comfortable in his home, after two weeks of visiting every other night. She couldn't believe that he had actually become something of a friend to her. The very thought of it scared her.

With these two new friends, Haruhi felt herself feeling for the Hitachiin twins. They had been her sturdy - albeit crazy - shoulders too, once upon a time. They had been her brothers, her confidantes, her best friends, and she wanted them back. She was done being childish and avoiding them: today, she planned to confront them and solve the problem.

Today, she didn't run away from the first flash of orange hair. Today, she hunted down that orange hair, her senses sharpened.

There! Hikaru was exiting the building, probably on his way out for a cigarette, and Haruhi wasn't going to miss her chance. She ran after him, through the sea of chattering students, and emerged into a sunny, chilly December afternoon.

"Hikaru!" she shouted, breathless.

He stopped in his tracks, but did not turn around. No doubt he knew that it was Haruhi - he knew her voice so well. Slowly, reluctantly, he turned around.

"Hikaru," Haruhi began, having rehearsed her apology so many times in her head. "Please listen to me. Don't say anything, just listen."

She took a deep breath. Suddenly having an audience was scarier than saying it in front of a mirror.

"I miss you. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being an awful friend before. I never realized how much you cared about me; how much you looked out for me. I took you for granted, just like I take everything for granted. I'm a mess without you in my life. Without you and Kaoru, and I want this…this _thing_ between us to end. I never meant what I said, I was just scared of…of the way you felt for me."

He only looked at her, a dead soul staring back at her through green eyes.

Finally he said, "You shouldn't have to apologize. Everything you said was true, and I don't want to bother you anymore."

This wasn't what Haruhi was expecting. She had no idea that Hikaru was purposefully distancing himself from her, because he thought it was _his_ fault.

"Hikaru, no!" she pleaded, "You're not bothering me! I'm your friend and it's time I started acting like one! Please, please, come back. We can talk it out or do whatever you want, I just want things to be normal between us."

"Normal?" said Hikaru. "Haruhi, I'm in _love_ with you. I don't know how I can be just friends with you, especially since I know you don't feel the same way. How can things ever be _normal_ between us now?"

This couldn't be happening! She had thought, being the naïve, little girl that she was, that Hikaru would accept her apology and things would go back to the way they used to be. She hadn't anticipated Hikaru being serious about anything. He was really in _love_ with her!

Now she was backing away, unsure of what to say. "I…I thought we could…"

"Thought we could what?" said Hikaru miserably. "It might have been fine for you, but it wouldn't have been for me. I would have to live with it everyday. I'd wake up thinking 'I love Haruhi.' I'd see you in school and think, 'She doesn't love me back.' I'd go to sleep at night and think, 'I have Kaoru, but I still love Haruhi.' I can't put myself through that."

There were tears running down her face. What on earth was Hikaru expecting her to say? She had two options: give in to Hikaru's desires and make him happy, but be miserable the whole time. Or once again, turn down Hikaru's advances and leave him miserable, along with herself. It was a lose-lose situation.

"Please?" she tried again, "Let's start all over. It will be different now, I promise."

"No it won't," said Hikaru. He came forward, kissed her gently on the lips, and said, "Bye Haruhi."

He walked away, and continued to walk away even when Haruhi sobbed and shouted, "Hikaru, please!" She sank to the floor, for the first time letting herself be completely vulnerable. For the first time crying outrageously in public. For the second time feeling completely abandoned.

* * *

"Haruhi?"

Haruhi didn't even look up. She didn't want to look up. She knew it was Kyouya and she knew what he'd think: he'd think she'd gone soft. He'd think she'd let the world get to her. So she cried and cried and cried, and Kyouya could only stare in awe, wondering what on earth could make such a strong girl cry like that.

"Would you like some more soup, Haruhi?" asked her father that night. He could tell something was wrong, but his dulled parental senses couldn't tell him what.

"No thank you," she replied somberly, looking down at her bowl.

"Is…everything alright?" he tried again.

"Everything is fine," she replied tonelessly.

Her father sighed inwardly. It was one of the worst things for a father to see: his little daughter feeling pain. He didn't know what he could do.

"I know we haven't been close," he started, "And that…when your mother died, you lost a valuable confidante, but I'm still here, Haruhi. You can talk to me about whatever you want, and I won't get angry."

She looked up at him with dead eyes similar to Hikaru's, and repeated, "Everything is fine."

She was lying. He sighed again, outwardly this time, and accepted it. He would never have a cinematic relationship with Haruhi. The kind where they're best friends and tell each other everything, the kind where Haruhi can trust him with anything, the kind where he can trust her too.

* * *

Haruhi was at Kyouya's home again, sitting in the same place she always sat. Kyouya hadn't said much that night, so Haruhi was left to browse through her English books by herself. She wondered why he wasn't so talkative tonight. She was grown accustomed to Kyouya's random babblings about business and economy, and rather missed the sound of his voice.

"Why were you crying yesterday?" asked Kyouya after twenty minutes of silence.

Haruhi was surprised. She hadn't thought that Kyouya cared. She thought he would want to forget about it, not bring it up again.

"Are you sure you want to know? Or are you just asking to be nice?" she said, genuinely curious about his motives.

"You should know by now that I don't do things just to be nice," said Kyouya. "If I want to know something, I find out."

Ah, so he was still the blunt, unemotional Kyouya.

"Hikaru told me he loved me," said Haruhi, feeling surprisingly empty. She couldn't find it in herself to be sad anymore. "I…I didn't feel the same way. I lashed out at him, angry at everything. I tried to apologize to him yesterday, but he said things could never be the same between us. I think…I think I've lost him forever."

She was expecting him to be somewhat sympathetic. Or at the very least understand where she was coming from.

"Well I hope that taught you something," was what he said instead.

"What?" asked Haruhi, unprepared for that.

"You don't _need_ people, Haruhi. You don't _need_ love. It's good that you let him go after he confided his feelings for you, because they're just a nuisance."

Haruhi was gaping at him. "How can you say that? How can you think you don't need love, or need people?"

"It's a sign of weakness," he said matter-of-factly, "Things like that bring you down."

"Kyouya, you do need love. It's everywhere, and you can't stop it from spreading. Parents and their children, friends who love their friends, romances, even mere acquaintances…love is all around," said Haruhi, trying to make him see. "Even you've experienced love, I know it."

"Let's hear it then," said Kyouya, amused.

"You must love your parents…you must love your mother, your sister, your brothers. It's inhuman to be incapable of love," said Haruhi.

"You think my father got to where he is today because of _love_?" spat Kyouya. "You think love is going to get you ahead in life? Love's not going to pay your university tuition. Love's not going to make you a lawyer. Love can't do _anything_ to help you."

Haruhi, for all her naiveté and innocence, secretly thought Kyouya was right.

He must have noticed the crestfallen look on her face for he said, "Well, it might be able to do something for you…"

"No," said Haruhi, looking down at the floor.

"What?" said Kyouya, surprised. He hadn't anticipated Haruhi being so compliant.

"You're probably right," she said, "I know it's foolish to still believe love is everything. It's everywhere, but sometimes I think I'll never have it."

"Have it?" repeated Kyouya.

Haruhi sniffed loudly. "Yeah. It. I hate admitting it because I like to think I'm impervious to all that heartfelt nonsense. I hate it so much, because I want _it_ - the whole package, and I'm never going to have it. You know, the white picket fence and the family dog and all of that. I look around and it's like everyone has someone. And sometimes I get filled with so much hate that it scares me."

Behind Kyouya's slightly widened eyes, his brain was spinning on overdrive. He was having revelation after revelation about Haruhi. It was as though she were suddenly a real person with real problems. Kyouya had never regarded her as a person before - someone with emotions and feelings and setbacks. He had only seen her as a two-dimensional character who didn't like breaking the rules.

"You'll have it. The whole package," said Kyouya, once again surprising himself. He didn't know why, but all he wanted at that moment was to make Haruhi smile again.

Haruhi looked up at him with red eyes. "How do you know?" she croaked.

"I just do," said Kyouya, "You're not as cynical as you might think. There's a guy out there who's feeling the same way as you, thinking he'll never find anyone. Maybe you'll meet him one day and he'll change your mind about…l-love."

"How are you so sure I'll find someone, but you won't? How do you know there isn't a girl who is completely in love with you, willing to sacrifice anything for you?"

"Haruhi…Renge doesn't count," said Kyouya, a slight curl in his mouth.

Haruhi burst out laughing. "I'm serious, though. If I, the loveless wonder, can find someone, why can't you?"

Kyouya sighed. "You misunderstand me. I'll get married, Haruhi, because it's expected of me. It's only proper for me to have a wife and a family if I wish to inherit my father's empire. And I have sexual needs, just like any other teenaged boy. So, really, I have girls…just not _the_ girl, because I'm not sure such a girl exists."

Haruhi looked at him curiously. "Well, who is _the_ girl for you? What's she like?"

Kyouya honestly hadn't thought about this before. He took his time in answering. "I suppose…well, she must be smart. I want to talk about things without having to explain them thoroughly. I want her to have a goal for herself, some ambition. I don't want her to be like any other rich bitch - money without the mind to spend it. I suppose I just want to be comfortable around her. I want to know she's not cheating on me, I want her to know I won't cheat on her."

It was a good thing Kyouya and Haruhi were oblivious sometimes, because he had basically just described her.

"There are lots of girls like that," said Haruhi, "And you'll find one of them. She'll be smart, rich, beautiful, and the perfect girl for you."

"And what about you?" asked Kyouya.

Haruhi smiled pitifully. "I'll have anyone who will have me. Anyone who is tolerant enough to put up with me. I just don't want him to be abusive or the kind to cheat."

Kyouya frowned at her. "You're really not asking for much. You underestimate yourself, Haruhi, because in all honesty, you deserve someone a little better than what you described."

"Beggars can't be choosers, Kyouya," said Haruhi wisely. "I'm not rich, I don't come from a decent family, I'm too selfish and focused on my own life, I'm certainly not beautiful, and I hardly qualify as womanly."

"Stop."

"Stop what?"

"Stop putting yourself down. It's not attractive. You're perfectly fine the way you are…you're better than fine, and this will be the last time I tell you: you will have it someday. That whole package. I promise."


	15. Aht Uh Mi Hed

**Author's Note: **Wowwwww, I'm so sorry I haven't a chapter in forever. I had total writer's block and there were so many things going on. Over the past couple weeks I was re-thinking the fic and where I wanted to go with it. I'm totally not abandoning it, but updates will be kind of scarce until I get over this writer's block. I hope you'll all stay with me.

And to **a745:** hahah I'm not Filipino, I'm a Pakistani-American.

Without further ado, here's chapter 15!

* * *

Over the next month, Haruhi's proficiency in English became better and better. She prided herself on being a fast learner. She tried to hide her excitement every time Kyouya appraised her, and she didn't know why.

Her relationship with Kyouya often confused Haruhi. They were at a good spot; they didn't argue as much as they used to, and Haruhi wondered if it was because they were both growing together. They were just two people, alone and misunderstood, who needed consolation and comfort, but most of the time Haruhi didn't get that from Kyouya. What he gave her was English lessons…and the occasional piece of advice.

Haruhi found Kyouya's advice amusing. He was always straight-forward and curt, but he tried to relay meaningful advice. It was entertaining watching Kyouya struggle with his words as he tried not to give away too much of himself. For even after a month of solid interaction, Kyouya refused to let his guard down, and that was one of the things Haruhi regretted most. She just wanted a glimpse of who he was…for even a fraction of a second.

One night, a week ago, Haruhi thought she'd seen him for the first time.

It was a Wednesday, the day they'd set aside to work on Haruhi's English. She didn't feel the need to call ahead anymore, because it was something of a routine then. Coming and going, talking and listening. It was uncharacteristic, then, to find Kyouya disrupting the schedule, disrupting the course of the universe.

No member of Kyouya's family was home, save for the maid or butler here and there. Haruhi led herself to Kyouya's room, knowing the way now, and opened the door to reveal a sweaty, topless Kyouya, on top of a girl.

Oh.

Kyouya hadn't seen her. He was too busy panting with his eyes closed, as the girl underneath him moaned pleasurably. Haruhi watched for a minute, entranced, as if seeing sexual intercourse for the first time. She didn't think she'd been this surprised when she discovered Hikaru and Kaoru laying naked together, and it worried her to think she was calmer then than now. Suddenly the girl had moaned his name, just one word, and the spell was broken. Haruhi backed away from the door slowly, and shut the door softly before running down the stairs, and running straight. Running for ages, until she couldn't run anymore.

The next day at the Host Club meeting, Haruhi met his eyes as if she hadn't seen anything. She smiled at him once, as if to say nothing's wrong. His steely eyes mirrored hers, and in that moment Kyouya knew something was changed, but his metal heart closed itself to her.

And so now, a week later, when Haruhi was hard at work at Kyouya's house, she tried even harder to place last week in the past. She tried to forget, tried to smile, but for some unexplainable reason, it bothered her that _someone else_ had been with Kyouya.

Perhaps, because of their circumstances and growing relationship, Haruhi thought she had some kind of a right to him; that she knew him better than anyone else, but she had to constantly remind herself that she really didn't. There were countless other people that Kyouya knew, and maybe all of them felt the same way. The only thing that consoled Haruhi was that she would see him every week, and maybe she could try to strengthen their relationship, because right now he was all she had.

Jiro and Sayuri were always together, it seemed. Jiro would tell Haruhi stories about her; about how much she captivated him, with her art and her kindness and her motivation. Jiro was a changed man, Haruhi noticed, and Jiro accredited all to Sayuri. Haruhi was happy for him - for both of them - but suddenly Haruhi was watching someone else's life from the sidelines. She watched the two of them fall in love, while she waited for her turn at love. She watched them do all the things she had wanted to do - like shop together on a Sunday morning, and lounge lazily on a sunny afternoon.

"You're very quiet tonight, Haruhi," commented Kyouya from his seat. He didn't sound concerned or even interested.

"Just thinking," replied Haruhi, biting on her pen as she tried to translate the sentences.

"About anything interesting?"

Haruhi sighed. "Just things. Jiro and Sayuri, Hikaru, life."

"Nothing interesting, then," said Kyouya.

She glared at the paper, wishing it were Kyouya's face. Sometimes he aggravated her so much she didn't know how to release the anger.

"It's my life, Kyouya," said Haruhi, trying to remain calm, "Whether it's interesting to you or not is irrelevant."

"Really?" said Kyouya, sitting up in his seat to face her now, "Because you sound rather agitated."

"Of course I'm agitated!" snapped Haruhi. "The things you say, Kyouya, you have absolutely no tact."

"What would you rather, Haruhi? Would you rather I was sweet?" asked Kyouya.

Haruhi would have thought the answer was obvious.

"Well, of course," said Haruhi.

Kyouya got out of his seat and sauntered slowly to Haruhi. He took hold of her chin, forcing her eyes to meet his. Haruhi's breath caught in her throat.

He spoke slowly, softly, almost a whisper. "Would you rather I was always kind, and encouraged you more? Would you rather I was a knight on a white horse, ready to save you whenever you needed saving?"

This had never happened to Haruhi before. She had never been tongue-tied because of a boy. But Kyouya was so close, and she couldn't breathe…

"I…"

Kyouya chuckled to himself and pulled away from her. "Of course you wouldn't, because then you wouldn't be able to argue with me. I know more about you than you think, Haruhi. You just wouldn't want me to be docile."

Now Haruhi was enraged at this injustice.

"I know what you're implying, Kyouya," she scolded, her eyes narrowed. "I know a lot about you too, more than you would think. So don't think you have me figured out."

"Is that so? Enlighten me, Fujioka. What do you know about me?" asked Kyouya, a glint of mirth in his eyes.

"You really want to know?" challenged Haruhi.

"Spare me the attitude, Haruhi. Yes, I want to know, so kindly tell me what you know, or else admit that you're lying."

"I know you're fake," said Haruhi heatedly. She wasn't angry at anything in particular, she was just angry at everything. "And that's something you take pride in - being fake and impervious to everything. To absolutely everything."

"What's your point?" said Kyouya, an amused glint in his eye. The fact that he wasn't taking her seriously made Haruhi even angrier.

"Well, my point is what good will it do you? What good is money going to do you if nothing makes you happy? What's the point in having friends if you can't enjoy their company? Why bother trying so hard to succeed when success means nothing to you anyway?"

"Those are some pretty thoughtful questions," was all Kyouya said. "Impressive questions, actually. But they're aimed at the wrong person. I know what you think of me, and how you think you know me, but you're describing yourself - not me."

Haruhi blinked. "What?"

Kyouya, now interested in the conversation, sat by her on the floor. "You see, you think you know everything about everyone, and that's something _you_ take pride in. It's natural to want to know everything, but you're trying to do this when you don't know yourself first."

"Of course I know myself," said Haruhi, frowning. "How could I not?"

Kyouya looked straight at her. "You'd be surprised. So many people go through life looking for answers to questions they don't know. They want to know other's secrets when they don't even know their own. And that's what really breaks a person, when you can't tell yourself apart from someone else."

"But I can," said Haruhi earnestly. She didn't know how, but these conversations always turned the spotlight on her, and her flaws. "I _can_ tell myself apart!"

"Describe yourself," challenged Kyouya. "Go on, do it. Make it mean something, because when I hear your description, I want to think of you and you only."

When Haruhi remained silent, Kyouya prodded her with his foot.

She opened and closed her a mouth a few times before saying anything. "I…I'm just me. I'm ambitious and smart but I still have feelings. My mother taught me that - that I have to be steeled against the world, but not against myself…but maybe I've been doing the exact opposite all along…"

He did it again. He even had that satisfactory grin on his face to show for it. Haruhi had no idea how he manipulated situations to his liking…but lately he'd been manipulating them to help Haruhi out.

In English, Kyouya said, "Very good, Haruhi."

She only looked at him, hoping - against her will - that he saw her differently than he saw the girls he slept with. Hoping, sincerely, that he held some kind of respect for her and her integrity.

"I saw you," she finally said, in the smallest voice.

Kyouya, who had deemed the conversation over many minutes ago, looked up at her expectantly. They never talked after they had their more serious conversations, and he was probably wondering why she was breaking this custom now.

"What's that?"

Haruhi was trying to hide her blushing face behind the black curtain of short hair. "Last week. I don't…I didn't…_mean_ anything…and it's your business…"

"You're right," said Kyouya coldly, "It is."

Haruhi now felt horribly embarrassed, and angry at herself for saying anything in the first place. She quickly put her things clumsily into her bag, wanting to leave that second.

"I should…go," she said hurriedly.

He didn't say anything until she was halfway out the room.

"You can't change me."

She turned around.

"Maybe you thought you could, but you can't. I give you English lessons, and that's it. We're not friends. There's nothing…between us. So, so I do the things I've always done, and I don't feel I owe anything to you. We're just two different people. Two different _classes _of people, do you understand? I could never have feelings for you."

Haruhi felt her face getting redder and redder with each word he spoke.

"I know," she said so quietly. "I'm sorry. I didn't think anything. I just saw. I didn't feel anything."

And she left. Kyouya's driver was waiting for her to take her home. The whole way there, she tried her hardest not to cry. And when she finally reached home to discover her father was, as usual, not at home, she let go completely, sinking to the floor with loud, unsuppressed howls.

She had been denying it all along, her feels for Kyouya. Or maybe she was too slow to realize she had them in the first place. She felt horribly vulnerable and wronged. She was crying over person she thought she'd never cry for. The person she never thought would have profound effect on her. But he did. He really, really did. He was "there" for her, when no one else was. And the harder she tried to hide her feelings, the more she felt them.

She just wanted someone to be around, for once. Someone reliable, that would always be there. The people in her life never stayed for long. Her mother was gone, her father was never there, Hikaru had left her for good, and now Kyouya was gone too. But maybe she'd never had him in the first place.

These thoughts threw her further into despair, until she couldn't control herself anymore. Her last shred of dignity was thrown to the winds. She suddenly didn't feel like herself anymore. Like _anyone_ anymore. She saw everything as new, as something threatening.

The household appliances were turning on her…whispering things in her ear, telling her to do things she didn't want to do. She didn't know what anything was anymore - what was the sky? What was the ground?

Everything was too loud, her ears were pounding, her own cries and howls were becoming quieter than the drums she was hearing from somewhere, somewhere. Everything was spinning and she felt dead…alive…a mix of both.

She couldn't take it, she couldn't see anything for what it was…Kyouya - who was he? - was in her head, his glasses - what were glasses? - were reflecting what she had becoming…he was slipping away from her, or maybe she was slipping away from him…

She felt something hard against her cheek…when did she get on the floor outside her apartment building? She moaned, everything was going black…

She heard sirens and felt herself being lifted onto a bed…no, a mat…

And she heard no more.


	16. The Streets Fell Into My Window

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the delay! I'm ecstatic that so many of you are sticking with me, and reviewing regularly! It's so pleasing as a writer to get reviews and to recognize some of the pennames, because you review so regularly! Some of you have reviewed every chapter and that makes me immensely happy.

I hope you stick with me even further, as the story is certainly not finished with this chapter. The updates will, as you might have come to expect, not be frequent. I feel quite horrible that I didn't take more advantage of this summer in order to write more chapters to the fic, but now my school is starting again and I shall soon be busy. Never fear though, because even though updates will be scarce, I will _never_ abandon this fic. I'm very dedicated and attached to it.

Without further ado, here is chapter 16! Please review and let me know what you think!

* * *

Haruhi's head hurt. A lot.

She groaned, trying to remember what had happened.

She remembered, to her utter embarrassment, the spat she'd had with Kyouya, and she vaguely remembered entering her apartment home.

She tried to open her eyes, but the light was blinding, causing her to squeeze her eyes shut again.

"I saw that."

Haruhi's eyes shot open, despite the pain the light caused them. She knew that cold, monotonous voice anywhere.

"You've been out a while," the voice continued.

Haruhi waited until her eyes adjusted to the light, then took in her surroundings. She was in a large white room with machines all around her. Various beeps were emitting from the machines. She was in a hospital room.

"How…what…" she started to say, but realized she had no idea where to start. She had so many questions and she wanted them all answered at once.

"To put it simply, your body couldn't handle all the drugs in your system, and your body turned on you. You've suffered many minor fractures to the skull, two broken ribs, and lots of stray scratches and bruises. You're a mess," he said bluntly and Haruhi winced.

"All this from drug overdose?" she asked incredulously, her voice sounding faint to her ears.

"You fell off the balcony of your apartment complex," he said flatly.

"Oh. Oh dear."

It was all coming back to her now, slowly. The surreal hallucinations and the ambulance finally taking her away.

"How long have I…"

"Four days."

"Oh dear."

Silence. There were still so many questions she was burning to ask.

"What about my father?" she asked suddenly, "Where is he? Does he know?"

Kyouya gave her a wry look before saying, "Of course he knows. He doesn't know about your drug problem, but he knows you're in the hospital. He's been in and out over the past few days to check up on you, overwrought with worry and grief."

"He…doesn't know how this happened?" Haruhi said uncertainly, a frown forming on her face. "Then why does he think I'm here?"

Kyouya let out a deep breath, frowning himself. "I'm not sure why I lied to him, to be honest. You deserve every ounce of the wrath he would've had, if he'd known. You were silly and foolish to think you could just dabble in drugs and come away unscathed, and your father, as a _parent_, has every right to know about the mischief you've gotten into."

Haruhi almost snapped at him; he was quite obviously avoiding saying something.

"_And_, Kyouya?" she said rather pointedly.

"_And_ so I told him you tripped down a flight of stairs," he finished.

Haruhi winced again.

"He believed that?"

"I'm a very capable liar," was all Kyouya offered as an explanation.

It dawned on Haruhi then, that _Kyouya_ was standing in front of her.

"Hey!" she said loudly, "What are _you_ doing here?"

Kyouya smirked. "Well, being the caring person I am, I called your apartment after you left my house. You didn't answer, and I tried calling again an hour later, but you still hadn't answered. I figured something must have happened to you so I drove to your place to see you… lying there."

And as he said this, his smirk slid right off his face, to be replaced with a distant look of horror. He struggled to control his face, to control the flow of emotions that were just itching to get out. To Haruhi, it looked as though he were battling inner demons, trying to appear nonchalant when things were clearly in turmoil in his head.

Haruhi felt like she could have cried. She remembered her last conversation with Kyouya vividly.

She could recall the exact amount of embarrassment she'd felt when Kyouya had told her they'd never have a chance, because they came from completely different _classes_. He shot her feelings down with as much indifference as he could, and she'd felt shattered.

"Is she awake? Haruhi, oh my gosh, you're awake!" cried a voice from the doorway.

There was a flash of blond hair, and Tamaki was immediately at her side, examining her with large, worried eyes.

Behind him, standing timidly in the doorway, were two pairs of green eyes. In one pair, there was worry and concern, in the other there was worry, concern…and shame.

Haruhi wasn't looking at Tamaki, nor was she responding to his exclaims of joy. She was too busy staring at Hikaru and Kaoru, as she felt the tears well in her eyes.

"Tamaki, come on," said Kyouya, making Haruhi tear her eyes away from the twins.

Tamaki stared at him with his mouth open. "Are you crazy? Haruhi's finally awake! I'm never leaving her side again! I've failed her as a friend and a father! I'm never, ever, ever leaving her side!"

Kyouya was already dragging him - forcefully - towards the door. The twins stepped carefully out of the way, and they didn't come forward until Kyouya had firmly closed the door.

"Hi," said Haruhi softly.

Kaoru was the first to approach Haruhi, taking her hands in his and squeezing them tightly.

"How are you?" he asked her, peaking at her with eyes like Tamaki's - large and worried.

She frowned, finally having the time to feel upset with herself.

"I've been better," she said wryly. She sighed then and closed her eyes, as if pained. "It's my own fault."

"Of course it's not," snapped Kaoru. "You have no idea how t-terrible we felt when we found out why…because of the drugs…and we'd introduced them to you. I'm so s-sorry, Haruhi…"

"Don't be," said Haruhi firmly, looking him straight in the eyes. "I mean it, it's not your fault. Don't feel guilty."

No matter what she said, Haruhi knew there was no talking the twins out of something they believed in, and right now they believed they were at fault for Haruhi's condition.

Haruhi looked past Kaoru, to the figure in the shadows. She stared at him, determined to make him face her.

Kaoru sensed this and stepped back, but not before swooping down to give her a quick and gentle kiss on the forehead.

Hikaru hesitantly stepped forward, still not looking her in the eye.

"You're…you're not in pain, then?" he mumbled, looking down at the floor.

"Hikaru, look at me," Haruhi pleaded softly.

He looked up at the sound of her voice.

Haruhi couldn't describe the weird joyful feeling she felt in her stomach, at being able to look at Hikaru…and have him look back. She felt like it had been years since she'd seen him. She hadn't realized just how much she missed having him in her life. She missed his smile, and she hoped that he would smile for her sometime.

He sighed, running a nervous hand through his hair.

"I've been a jerk," he said flatly. "I don't think I could ever tell you how sorry I am for treating you the way I did. You didn't deserve it. You deserved it less than anyone else in the world, because you're my best friend."

Haruhi's eyes brightened. "Am I still your best friend?"

There was a hint of a smile on his face. "If you'll have me."

Haruhi flashed him a truly brilliant - and truly rare - smile. "You're an absolute pig! I told you that day that I'd always be your friend!"

He winced at her raised voice. "I said I was a jerk, didn't I?"

Kaoru joined them again, looking joyful.

"I always knew things would work out," he said wisely, trying to suppress the large Cheshire grin on his face.

Hikaru punched his arm playfully.

"I can't tell you how good it feels for all this tension to be gone," continued Kaoru, become chattier. "Therapy was an absolute _nightmare_, it was so dull and serious and -"

"_Therapy_?" Haruhi spluttered.

"Oh yes," said Kaoru factually, though he sounded vaguely terrified at the thought. "Losing you, and then finding out you were in the hospital…and then even Hikaru and I weren't as close anymore…all of it was too depressing. Our parents made us go to therapy."

"I made you go to therapy?" said Haruhi, horrified.

"Oh, don't look so frightened!" said Kaoru, "You should be flattered that you're so important!"

"And we're loads happier now," said Hikaru, piping in, "The therapist gave us lots of happy pills. Don't worry, we're very serious when we say drugs are bad, but these happy pills make everything lighter."

"It was fun, in its own way," said Kaoru thoughtfully, "The man made us talk about our _feelings_."

"And of course we had lots of fun playing with his head, making up psychoses for ourselves," said Hikaru.

"In the end I think we drove him a bit mad," said Kaoru, looking almost guilty.

Haruhi laughed. It hurt her side to laugh, but she laughed anyway. It had been a while since she'd been in the twins' company, without the help of drugs or clubs. It was nice just to hear them talk and finish each other's sentences.

"By the way," said Kaoru, becoming serious, "Why is Kyouya here 24/7?"

Haruhi was startled by this piece of news. "What?"

"He hasn't left your side once," said Kaoru, "Even your father leaves the hospital for a couple hours, but not Kyouya. He's always, always here."

Haruhi couldn't imagine why. After their row the other night, she couldn't find any logical explanation for his constant presence. Maybe, now that she was awake, he would stay away?

"We have a theory," said Kaoru.

"And?" said Haruhi, not sure if she wanted to know what it was.

"We think Kyouya's in love with you," he said.

Many thoughts raced through Haruhi's head. The first was that it could not possibly be true, especially after the fantastic way Kyouya had turned her down. The second was a feeling of uncertainty about Hikaru. She wasn't sure if they should be discussing love in front of Hikaru, considering his feelings for her.

Hikaru apparently noticed this.

"Don't worry," he said, half-seriously and half-cheerfully. "We talked about this in therapy, as well. According to my therapist, I'm obsessive about my possessions, and he thinks I saw you as a possession. Thanks to intensive, and I mean _intensive_, therapy, I have realized that you are not 'one of my possessions and that even though you will always be my first love, there is room for different loves in my life.'"

Haruhi smiled at him timidly. "I'm glad you've come to realize that."

He smiled back down at her. "Me too."

"Let's not forget about Kyouya!" said Kaoru.

Haruhi had been secretly hoping they _would_ forget.

"You guys, Kyouya can't be in love with me," said Haruhi, unintentionally sounding very glum about it. "The night that I…that this happened, we had something of an argument. He all but said I wasn't good enough for him."

The twins were eyeing her suspiciously now.

"I think I might have to rephrase that theory," said Kaoru. "I think _you_ are in love with _Kyouya_."

"I am," said Haruhi miserably. "I won't bother denying it, either."

They gaped at her.

"Fujioka Haruhi!" gasped Kaoru. "You're…you're actually sounding like a _woman_."

Haruhi glared at him. "I am, despite my unemotional exterior and my very flat chest, a _woman_, thank you very much."

Kaoru was getting teary-eyed.

"Did we really miss so much?" he said to Hikaru. "She's g-grown up so much in so little time!"

Haruhi rolled her eyes.

"I have not," she said stubbornly. "I'm exactly the same."

"Well what are you going to do about Kyouya?" said Hikaru, putting his arm firmly on Kaoru's shoulders to shut him up.

Haruhi was taken aback. "Nothing, of course. If you can get over me, I can get over Kyouya."

"That's different," said Hikaru, "There's no steamy sexual tension between us."

"_Sexual tension_?" Haruhi exclaimed. "I've been unconscious for the past four days! What kind of _sexual tension_ could we possible have?"

"Exactly!" said Hikaru. "You know it's serious when an unconscious hospital occupant can have steamy sexual tension with Kyouya. You've got it bad."

Haruhi groaned. "I can't believe I'm listening to this."

Hikaru and Kaoru suddenly stood very straight and saluted her.

"Sergeant Hikaru and Sergeant Kaoru reporting for duty," said Kaoru, winking at her. "We'll make Mission Haruhi Love happen!"

"Mission Haruhi Love?" repeated Haruhi, wrinkling her nose in distaste.

"Oh yes," said Kaoru, grinning wickedly.

This was how Haruhi spent the rest of the day: surrounded by the twins and their wild schemes to get Kyouya to fall in love with her.

As annoyed as she was, she couldn't help but smile every now and then, because she had her two, crazy, quirky best friends back, and that was the best thing to happen to her in ages.

The only interruption they received was from a nurse, who administered more pain medication into her IV. She was happy to see Haruhi awake, and she informed her of all the extensive injuries she'd received. She told Haruhi that she would have to stay another week under the scrutiny of the head doctor and the other nurses, and Haruhi couldn't suppress a groan. Then when the nurse was finally walking out the door, she turned around and said with a twinkle in her eye, that the charming dark-haired, bespectacled boy sitting in the waiting room had requested to sleep in the hospital yet again that night.

The twins smiled knowingly at this piece of information, and Haruhi couldn't help but feel a glimmer of hope - and the flurry of butterflies - in the pit of her stomach.


	17. Won't Go Home Without You

**Author's Note: **Hi everyone! Happy Thanksgiving, if you celebrate it. Here's a little Thanksgiving present for you all…

Remember to review at the end!

* * *

Kyouya never came to visit Haruhi again, despite spending his nights in the hospital.

The twins and Tamaki were faithful and visited her everyday after school, one day also dropping off all the coursework she had missed.

Haruhi's days were long and uneventful. Her father worked more than before, if that was even possible, to pay off Haruhi's hospital bills. When he came, he came in the mornings before Haruhi was awake, or well into the night when Haruhi was fast asleep. The time in between, when she was awake, was spent watching television. Haruhi had watched more television in one week than she ever had in her entire life, and that scared her. There was just nothing else to do. She had long since finished the work she missed for school, and even the nurses stopped coming by to chat with her.

Her bones ached and she felt tired all the time. The doctors administered her with pain medications every hour, which made her drowsy and weak, but not enough so to make her sleep.

She had a lot of time to think about her life. To think about Kyouya, and why he had stopped coming to see her since she'd woken up. The nurses told her that when she'd been unconscious, Kyouya never left her side for more than a few minutes at a time. But ever since she woke up, he'd disappeared.

"How are you feeling, Haruhi?" asked Tamaki softly one afternoon.

The twins were held up at school - detention, for throwing water balloons at the underclassmen - so Tamaki was here by himself.

"I'm better, I suppose," replied Haruhi quietly, looking down at her clasped hands.

"You look tired," he commented.

Haruhi sighed and finally looked up at Tamaki. "I am, actually. Being in a bed all the time just makes me tired."

There were a few moments of silence between then, in which Haruhi marveled at Tamaki's ability to remain quiet. Usually Tamaki was bursting with energy and concerned questions, always asking whether Haruhi needed anything.

"How's the Host Club?" asked Haruhi finally. She was secretly hoping Tamaki would mention Kyouya, and what he'd been up to.

Tamaki let out a dramatic sigh. "Well, we're all very devastated without you…but we've been getting even more visitors, because everyone wants to know how you are! So we're actually making a lot of profit, which keeps Kyouya busy, having to count all the income."

Haruhi's ears perked at the mention of Kyouya.

"How is Kyouya?" she ventured, nonchalantly.

Tamaki shrugged, unconcerned. "He's Kyouya. I actually haven't seen too much of him these days, now that you mention it…who knows? Maybe he's got a girl…"

Tamaki trailed off, thinking to himself.

Haruhi's heart fell. What if Kyouya really _did_ have a girl?

"Has Kyouya ever had girlfriends?" Haruhi asked again, breaking Tamaki's train of thought.

"He's had…_conquests_, and his father has set him up with the daughters of his business partners, but he's never actually _cared_ for a girl, the way I care for you, Haruhi!" said Tamaki.

Haruhi rolled her eyes at him, becoming sulky.

"What makes you think he might have a girlfriend, then?" pressed Haruhi.

Tamaki gave her a brief sidelong glance, showing his suspicion, but continued, "He's being his annoying, reclusive self again. He won't even talk to _me_, his best friend!"

"Does he usually?" asked Haruhi carefully.

Tamaki was miffed. "_Yes_, he does usually talk to me! He needs to talk to someone, you know! I'm not sure how to explain it…he's almost…_cheery_, these days."

Haruhi gaped at him. "_Cheery?_ Kyouya? How so?"

Tamaki thought about it for a second. "He was whistling yesterday during our Host Club meeting. And he smiles now. He never smiled before."

Haruhi thought about it for a moment. It would seem, given Kyouya's new disposition, that maybe he did have a girl to make him happy. And that girl was definitely not Haruhi, as she was currently in a hospital bed and couldn't make him happy even if she wanted to.

"He - he hasn't been in to see me," said Haruhi, frowning slightly, "Not since I woke up. He stayed the night once after that, but he's completely disappeared."

Tamaki shrugged. "He just wanted to be sure you were alright. When you woke up, he didn't feel the need to be around anymore, I suppose. He just doesn't care about you the way that I do," he sighed dramatically.

Haruhi felt her face get hot and her eyes start to water. He really _didn't_ care about her.

* * *

Two days later, Haruhi was allowed to go home. She had her abdomen tightly and uncomfortably wrapped with ace bandages to allow the two ribs to heal, and she was given strict instructions not to strain her head or neck, because the minor fractures in her skull were still vulnerable. Other than that, she was allowed to stay at home in the comfort of her own bed.

"I don't know what we're going to do," said Haruhi's father worriedly, as they rode the public bus back to their apartment building. "Someone needs to stay at home with you but I can't take off work and I can't afford a private nurse."

Haruhi looked down at her feet respectfully. "It's okay, father. I can manage."

Her father scoffed. "Don't be ridiculous, Haruhi, look at yourself. What if you fall and hurt yourself again? Or what if your bandages need changing or you bump your head? Oh lord…what are we going to do?"

Haruhi bit her lip, wondering if she really wanted to lie to her father. She convinced herself that she was only lying to make him feel better. Her father had been put under so much stress as it was.

"Father…Kyouya-san was offering one of his father's private nurses to me the other day. Free of charge," she said slowly.

Her father looked up at her with startled eyes. "_Really_, Haru? That's _wonderful_! I should call Kyouya and his father and thank them!"

"No!" said Haruhi quickly. "K-Kyouya doesn't like to think of it as a favor. He's very modest. I'll call and tell him I accept his offer, but please, father, don't embarrass him."

He looked doubtful, but in the end her father agreed. Haruhi was thankful that he was so easy to manipulate and so willing to believe everything she said. In the back of her mind, she felt guilty for taking advantage of her father's trust.

* * *

Early the next morning, before he left for his first job, Ranka-san came in to check on Haruhi.

"Haruhi, sweetie, where's the nurse?" he asked, worried.

Haruhi peeked out from under the covers and said, sleepily, "She'll be here in a half hour, father. She lives far away and has to travel. I promise she'll be here in a half hour, and I'll be fine by myself until then."

Ranka looked doubtful. "Maybe I should go to work late…"

"Please, father, I'll be fine. I'll just sleep until the nurse gets here," said Haruhi softly, trying to placate her father.

"Okay…but if anything happens, you call me right away, understand?" he said sternly.

He left quietly and Haruhi let out a long breath.

After another 20 minutes, she carefully got out of bed, wincing at the moderate pain. She would need to take her pain medications soon.

She wasn't sure if she could manage showering on her own, so she took a warm, wet cloth and doused it in soap, rubbing it over her body gently.

That was how she spent much of her day - taking small, gentle steps in accomplishing her everyday needs. Making breakfast was a long, slow process, having to move around the kitchen to grab various ingredients. A couple times throughout the day she would have to sit down because her head would start to ache horrible.

Her father called once, between jobs, and had asked to speak to the nurse. Stammering, Haruhi replied that the nurse was in the washroom. Her father sounded disbelieving, but didn't press the issue any further.

It was evening now, and Haruhi was about to prepare her dinner. She wasn't expecting her father before 3 or 4 in the morning, and it was only 6:30 presently, but she was surprised to hear a knock at the door.

She steadily made her way to the door, clutching her side along the way.

She was practically knocked off her feet to see Kyouya standing in front of her, leaning against the doorframe casually.

Without a word he walked into her apartment, kicking the door closed behind him.

"So, Haruhi, where's this nurse that I offered you?" he said smoothly, looking around the room.

Haruhi's face became red and she averted her eyes quickly.

"Oh," he said softly, as if he'd just realized something, "That's right. There _is_ no nurse."

"Kyouya, I can explain - " Haruhi began, even though she really _couldn't_ explain.

"Save it, Haruhi," Kyouya cut her off harshly. "Do you have any idea how stupid your little plan was? I'm honestly shocked that you came up with this."

Haruhi was too ashamed to reply. She continued to look down at the ground, despite the growing ache in her neck and head.

"I mean, really. You're in a bad state right now, lying to your father about some non-existent nurse is _not_ the best thing to be doing. Especially since you really do need someone to look after you. What if something had happened today? What if you needed help and no one was around? Well, Haruhi?"

"I'm sorry!" replied Haruhi. "There was nothing else to do. My father had to work and he couldn't afford a nurse. I didn't want to make him feel worse than he already did."

"Why didn't you call me, then?!" said Kyouya, practically shouting now. "I could have helped you, gotten you a real nurse! You didn't have to lie to your father!"

He sounded so angry. Haruhi was afraid and her neck was _really_ hurting. She tried to lift her head to look Kyouya in the eye, but she felt a sudden intense pain shoot up her neck and she cried out, clutching her head and crying.

He was at her side immediately, half-leading half-carrying her to the sofa.

"Are you alright?" he said anxiously. "When was the last time you took your pain medications?"

"This morning," said Haruhi in a small voice, tears staining her cheeks.

Kyouya rolled his eyes. "Haruhi, you're supposed to take them every two-to-three hours. Where are they?"

Haruhi weakly pointed in the direction of her bedroom, and Kyouya disappeared before she could say anything. He was back in a flash, a glass of water and her pills in hand.

He watched her take them, never letting his eyes leave her face, and she felt horribly exposed.

"Well?" he said after she was finished.

She sighed. "Well what?"

"How long were you planning on living this lie? Did you think your father wouldn't find out? Did you think _I _wouldn't find out?" he said, his gaze penetrating through her.

"How _did _you find out?"

Kyouya smirked. "After school I received a phone call from Ranka-san. He wanted to thank me for my kindness and he said he would never be able to repay me for all that I've done for he and his daughter."

Haruhi winced. Hadn't she told her father not to call Kyouya?!

"So he probably knows I lied to him, then…"

"Actually," said Kyouya factually, "I played along. I figured, I need some entertainment, why not?"

"Well, no harm done then, right?" said Haruhi brightly. "We don't have to tell him otherwise, and he'll be worry-free."

Kyouya frowned at her. "That's not the point, Haruhi. The point is you're not taking care of yourself when you really _need_ care. Your father's conscience should be the least of your worries right now."

"What am I supposed to do?" said Haruhi, frustrated. "I can't ask him to take off work. I - I'm such a nuisance as it is, and I can look after myself. I did fine on my own today, until you showed up."

"Haruhi!" Kyouya said, pulling at his hair. "You can't look after yourself! You shouldn't _have_ to look after yourself! You're hurting and you're supposed to be on bedrest. How do you expect to get better if you're up making your own food and cleaning the house?"

Haruhi didn't say anything. She didn't know what to say.

Finally Kyouya said, "I'm getting you a nurse."

Haruhi looked up, startled. "What?"

"Well, it's not as if your father doesn't already think I got you a nurse. This way you won't be lying, and I can rest assured that you won't accidentally kill yourself because no one's around."

"But we can't afford a nurse…" said Haruhi lamely, feeling her face go red again.

She hated admitting she was poor, especially after the way Kyouya had turned her down because of their different _classes_.

He waved her off. "My father owns his own medical empire, Haruhi. One nurse will be no skin off his back, I assure you."

He suavely flipped out his phone and dialed a number. He spoke in fast English - too fast for Haruhi to understand - and then hung up.

"Her name's Suzume. Short, rotund, and silent. She's a good nurse. She'll be here tomorrow morning, before your father leaves for work," said Kyouya, as he put his phone away.

"Th-thank you, Kyouya-san," said Haruhi, bowing her head to him. She felt another spasm of pain in her neck, and although she tried to hide it, Kyouya noticed.

"Don't strain yourself, Haruhi," he said sternly.

He got up from his seat across from her and moved to sit beside her on the sofa. He gently put his hands on the back of her neck. His hands were cool and felt wonderful on her aching neck. She closed her eyes as he slowly, carefully applied pressure.

She involuntarily let out a moan, surprised at how much better her neck muscles were feeling already.

"Are you tired?" he asked, his face so close behind hers that she could feel his hot breath on her neck and shoulders.

She let out another moan, unable to form coherent sentences.

"Come on, I'll help you to bed," he said, pulling her up gently. He placed a protective arm around her waist and walked her to her bedroom. When she had trouble lying down, he put an arm under her knees brought her down, so that he was hovering on top of her as she sunk into the comfort of her bed.

She fell asleep almost immediately.

What seemed like hours later, she heard her father's voice outside her bedroom, and Kyouya conversing with him.

Then there were footsteps inside her bedroom, and someone kneeling beside her.

She felt cool hands brushing her face, and a sweet voice say, "You're a good girl, Haruhi. Call if you need anything."

She felt soft lips press against her forehead before she fell back into a deep slumber.


	18. Finer Feelings

Author's Note: I knowww, I knowww, it's been like forever since I updated

**Author's Note:** I knowww, I knowww, it's been like forever since I updated. And those of you who are crazy enough to still be following this story must hate me for not updating in a long, longgg time. I apologize wholeheartedly. This story is just so difficult though, because every chapter has to have something significant and I know how this story is going to end, but the getting there is the problem. Anyways, without further ado, here is your new chapter. Enjoy and don't forget to review!

* * *

Two months later Haruhi felt rejuvenated, completely fresh and new. Occasionally there was a dull headache and she still had a long, faint scar across her abdomen but she felt, for the first time since her accident, contented.

Her nurse, Suzume, had proved to be thorough in her proceedings. She cared for Haruhi's health with such intensity that her quick recovery came with no surprise. She was sad to see Suzume return to her regular job after taking car of Haruhi. They formed a friendship, almost. And most of all, Haruhi had felt comfortable discussing feelings she usually kept hidden.

* * *

A few nights before Suzume returned to the hospital, they had discussed _him_.

Kyouya had visited her earlier in the evening, checking up on her and, surprisingly, bringing her the work she had missed from school. He had only come to see her three times in those two months, and each time Suzume was present and observant of the dynamic between Kyouya and Haruhi.

After he departed, Suzume, although usually quiet and professional, had a small smile on her face which Haruhi just had to question.

"Nothing, Fujioka-san, nothing," she replied as she took Haruhi's dinner tray back to the kitchen.

"Please tell me, Suzume," said Haruhi imploringly.

When she returned, Suzume sat on the edge of Haruhi's bed, and stared at her for a moment.

"Otori-sama."

"What?" asked Haruhi, surprised.

"It's not my place to say," said Suzume delicately, avoiding Haruhi's gaze.

"No, please, you must tell me now," said Haruhi, wondering why she was suddenly so desperate to know Suzume's thoughts.

"It's…I sometimes feel I have a good sense about things," said Suzume vaguely, "You know, I can just tell. Like a gut feeling."

When she didn't continue, Haruhi prodded her with her leg.

"And, please, _please_ excuse my directness, but I have, maybe, some gut feelings about Otori-sama and yourself."

Haruhi swallowed hard. "And?"

"I just see the looks in your eyes…the looks in his eyes," said Suzume, trailing off again.

"Suzume, please!" said Haruhi, her voice rising and the desperation evident in her eyes and face, "Just tell me!"

Suzume sighed and finally said, "Maybe…have you considered…your feelings for each other?"

Haruhi snorted. "Oh please, that's what you had to say? Don't take offense to my reaction, but honestly, Kyouya-san is in a completely different league. He's too rich, has too many plans for his life, and is too socially upstanding to like me."

"I notice, Haruhi-san, that you haven't _denied_ you having feelings for him."

Haruhi's face became red. "Yes, well, there's no denying, that I suppose."

Suzume beamed beatifically. "Hearing you say that brings me great pleasure."

"Why?" asked Haruhi.

"Because, Haruhi, I know, in my heart, that Otori-sama holds you in high regard," she replied patiently. "Working for his father, I have heard much of youngest Otori son. I have come to know of his reclusive, self-destructive ways. I know of his promiscuous habits with young women, and that he has never bedded the same woman twice. Nor does he ever speak to the same woman twice. But you, Haruhi, you have captured his heart, whether he realizes it or not. He has visited you, conversed with you with great interest and as an equal, and, most of all, I see that he cherishes his moments with you. Not once has he ever asked anything sexual of you, has he?"

Haruhi was taken aback. "Of course not. I assume that must be because, as I said before, he has no interest in me. And why should he? He can have any beautiful woman he wants, and why would be lower himself to me? Someone with no money and no looks to speak of."

"Money you may not have, and that is something you cannot be at fault for. But no looks? Why would you think that?" was Suzume's answer, a furrow in her brow.

Haruhi almost laughed. "Look at me. I'm not being pitiful, I'm being honest. I have the body of a boy, I have collar bones that stick out and make me look sickly. I have boyish hair and I wear no makeup. Tell me, Suzume, what kind of girl is that?"

Suzume looked distressed. "You are beautiful, Haruhi-san. You have the biggest, most beautiful brown eyes I have ever seen. You have a mouth most women would die for – perfectly plump and shaped as a cupid's bow. And your cheekbones, high and prominent as a mountain. And all this I can see when you wear absolutely no makeup. With the right makeup, it would only enhance what you have – and what you have is beautiful."

Haruhi, despite herself, smiled. She had never allowed herself to dwell on her physical features, not finding them important. Lately, however, and she knew it was because of Kyouya's visits, she had found herself wishing she could look like the models in magazines or on billboards. Maybe, just maybe, Kyouya would rethink his previous rejection of her if she were beautiful.

"I have a cousin who works in cosmetology," said Suzume, "She owns her own small salon in the city. If you ever want to look special for an occasion…or just to show a certain someone what you have to offer, just let me know."

There was a twinkle in Suzume's eyes after she said that. She tucked Haruhi into bed and went back out to the kitchen to wash the dirty dishes.

* * *

Since that night, Haruhi had seriously considered Suzume's offer. She told the twins of her conversation with Suzume, and they wholeheartedly agreed. They were still working on their Mission Haruhi Love, and were working diligently at that. Every chance they got, since Haruhi returned to school, they would try to create situation in which Haruhi and Kyouya could be alone together.

One day during lunch hour, Haruhi was in the library going over her notes. She couldn't believe how much school she had missed, and every spare moment she had was spent pouring over texts.

"Hello Fujioka," came a pleasant, cool voice from behind her.

The hair on the back of Haruhi's head stood, her whole body become tense and nervous. When did she become so nervous around him?

He strode forward and sat in the seat opposite her, his eyes calculating.

"Kyouya," she said with a nod, acknowledging him.

"I have an offer for you," he said, skipping the formalities.

Haruhi quirked an eyebrow. "Really?"

He smirked familiarly at her. "Yes, really. Tomorrow night – my father's friends are coming from abroad. A few from Germany, a few from France, and one, in particular, is a lawyer from England. I think it would be a very good thing for you to meet him."

"And why is that?" asked Haruhi coyly, despite herself.

Kyouya shrugged nonchalantly, his smirk becoming wider, pleased that Haruhi was bantering with him. "It'll be good for you to practice your English, and also, he is an acclaimed lawyer. Never lost a case. He's had some interesting struggles on his journey to law. It might give you some insight."

Haruhi smiled warmly at him. "That's awfully selfless of you, Kyouya."

He met her gaze. "What is?"

"Being concerned for my future," she replied, a slight blush creeping up her neck.

He tried to be unconcerned. "Yes, well, I wouldn't want it on my conscience if you ended up homeless in the future."

"I thought you didn't have a conscience."

Kyouya froze. "I don't."

Haruhi grinned at him. "Okay."

Kyouya blinked a few times, trying to regain his footing. "Okay."

Haruhi was still grinning at him, making him shift in his seat, just slightly.

"I'll send a car for you around 6," he said tonelessly.

Haruhi's grin came back down to a small smile. "Alright."

Kyouya got up to leave and Haruhi heard his footsteps moving behind her before she said, "Thank you, Kyouya."

He stopped and turned, "For what?"

Haruhi thought for a moment and surprised him with a smirk quite like his own. "For…_not_ having a conscience."

Her meaning was not lost on him, and his eyes lingered on her for a few seconds longer before his lips quirked upwards and he continued to walk away.

* * *

Haruhi stared at the small sheet of paper in front of her. Seven numbers, that's all it was. Seven simple numbers.

It was the telephone number of Suzume's cousin. The one who owned the salon, and the one who would transform Haruhi completely for free.

On the one hand, she wanted to look beautiful for Kyouya's dinner. Not only for him, but to show his family that she wasn't entirely low-class. But then, she didn't want Kyouya to think she was dressing up for him, even though she was. She didn't want to give him any indication that what she felt for him was anything but platonic. Even though it _definitely_ was.

And at this point, Haruhi realized she was over-analyzing everything, and the only way to live for the moment was to do and not think. She dialed the number before she could stop herself, and was relieved when someone answered before she could hang-up.

There was noise in the background and the woman's voice came through the phone loud and urgently.

"Manamo's."

"Uh…hi," started Haruhi awkwardly, not knowing what to say or how to introduce herself. "Hi, this is Fujioka Haruhi…I, uh, Suzume…"

"Ah, yes, yes," said the woman rapidly, understanding dawning on her. "Suzume's house patient, Haruhi, hello. You want something done?"

Haruhi paused. "It – I, yes. I have…a dinner…tonight."

"Good, good, you come to me around 4, okay? I see you then."

She gave Haruhi the address and promptly hung up, leaving Haruhi to wonder if she'd made the right decision. It was 2 in the afternoon, leaving her about an hour and a half before she should leave for Manamo's.

Haruhi sighed. She was so nervous about tonight, about meeting Kyouya's father's friends from abroad, all of whom were probably as obscenely wealthy as Kyouya himself, and most nervous about meeting Kyouya's father. From what she'd heard, he was a stern, calculating, and emotionless man. Basically, an older, colder version of Kyouya, and if Haruhi thought Kyouya was intimidating at times, she was in for a treat, she knew.


	19. The Start of Something

**Author's Note:** I seem to always start off new chapter by apologizing for the delays in updates. So once again, let me apologize. I have no excuse this time, I have simply been lazy. But I'm finally dusting off the cobwebs in my mind and I'm ready to write. And I also apologize in advance for the long, descriptive paragraphs in this chapter, but I feel they are necessary and give some unique insight into Haruhi's mind. So, without much more stalling, here is the 19th chapter. I hope it lives up to your expectations, and please remember to review!

Haruhi's dress looks like this: www . storeappeal . com /images/WineDress.jpg

* * *

In the long run, Haruhi knew what she wanted. Because, when it came down to it, she was a teenage girl and ultimately, they all want the same thing. What she wanted, in particular, was security. The _comfort_ in security, in knowing that out there, there is a soul mate who's looking for you, just as much as you are for him.

So when she stepped off the bus outside of Manamo's salon, she _knew_ it was okay to be self-indulgent every once in a while. It was okay if for once she wanted to feel pretty and be deemed pretty by those around her. Maybe, just maybe, she was a little sick of being looked at and perceived as a boy. As someone without feelings. And maybe that was all her fault. Maybe she built those walls for a reason - and the reason was as of yet unknown to her. She knew, however, that it was time to pull back the curtains. Her soul was dusty, because for so many years it had been hidden, afraid of being hurt the way it had been when her mother had passed away.

And what she knew most of all was that, whether or not Kyouya had feelings for her, her soul yearned for him in a way she couldn't explain or comprehend. That, even if he rejected her, he still had the sole power of being able to make her happy, the way no one else in her life could. So she was willing to put herself out there, to dress up like a China Doll and maybe end up looking like a fool, because in the short time she'd come to know Kyouya, she got a glimpse of happiness, a kind of happiness she had never experienced before. She saw the future in his eyes, a future_ with_ him. And after everything she had been through, she didn't want her social class - something she had no choice in - to be what stood in the way of the life and happiness she knew she deserved.

Haruhi looked up at the little boutique in front of her timidly. She had never been to a beauty salon in her entire life. The building itself was cozy looking; it had a warmth and familiarity to it. Haruhi imagined that the customers were all regulars and everyone knew one another by first name and they all chatted about their personal lives. It was intimidating, to say the least.

* * *

Her hand hovered over the door handle, and before she gave herself the chance to run, she turned it and entered.

A bell rang somewhere overheard to signify someone had walked in.

"Be with you in a minute!" she heard someone call from the distance.

Haruhi looked around, taking everything in. The walls were painted a soft, light pink, and there were plants hanging from the ceiling in ceramic pots. Along two walls there were rows of dressers and mirrors, most of which were unoccupied. There were only a few people in the salon; two getting their hair done and one getting her nails done.

"Haruhi?"

Haruhi jumped, startled. She turned around and came face-to-face with a short, round-faced woman, looking to be in her 30's. She had dark red lipstick on and her hair was tied back in a pretty bun with flowers adorning it.

"You're Haruhi, yes? I'm Manamo," she said, her voice softer than it had been on the phone. "We were swamped earlier, I apologize if I sounded abrupt."

Haruhi's mind was drawing a blank.

Manamo laughed lightly. "You speak, don't you?"

Haruhi blinked. "Yes, I'm sorry. Hi, I'm Haruhi."

Manamo beamed. "Suzume told me you me a little about you; your features," she said, scrutinizing Haruhi's face, "She wasn't wrong. You're absolutely beautiful."

Haruhi blushed, looking down at the floor. If there was one thing she was not used to, it was being told she was beautiful. She was more often told how _handsome_ she was, and this was by the Host Club customers.

"Not used to being complimented, are you?" continued Manamo, proving to be incredibly perceptive. "Come with me, we'll make a woman out of you yet."

She was seated in a chair that swirled, directly in front of a large mirror. Haruhi wasn't comfortable being so close to her reflection. Thinking back, Haruhi had never spent more than two seconds in front of a mirror.

"So, what did you say the occasion was?" asked Manamo as she opened drawers and took out kits of make-up.

Haruhi hesitated. "It's…a dinner."

"Yes, but what _kind_ of dinner?" pressed Manamo.

"Well…I suppose, an important one," Haruhi said thoughtfully.

"Important how?"

"Well, it's at the Otori household. And there are guests coming from abroad…" said Haruhi helplessly.

Manamo's eyes twinkled. "That doesn't sound very fun. Why is it so important to you?"

Once again, Haruhi looked down at the ground, blushing and unsure of what to say.

"A boy?" questioned Manamo lightly.

Haruhi looked into her eyes through the mirror, and Manamo needed no answer.

"So it's _that_ kind of important," she said, "The most important kind of important there is."

Haruhi bit her lip, feeling a bit exposed.

"I don't…I don't want to come off as, as trying too hard, you know?" she said hesitantly. "It's just, I've never in my entire life felt this way, and I don't want to mess it up."

"If it's true, then it's meant to be," said Manamo seriously, "And if it's meant to be, then there's no messing up. Because chances like these, they only come once. And if we ruin them, we don't get them back. We have to fight hard, Haruhi. In this world, we fight for what we want."

Haruhi thought over Manamo's words as she excused herself to the backroom. It was true, everything she said, and where a hair dresser got such insight from was anyone's guess. It occurred to her then that you didn't have to be a philosopher to understand life. You simply had to love someone.

When she returned, Manamo had brought two younger women to assist her. She combed her fingers through Haruhi's hair, getting a feel for it and for Haruhi's face.

"We can make you look as regal as a queen, but the rest you have to do yourself," she said, "We'll make you beautiful, but you have to fight for him on your own."

Haruhi swallowed hard as the reality of those words hit her. She'd have to _fight_ for Kyouya, because lord knew life wasn't just going to hand over her happiness.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, letting Manamo, a relative stranger, have her way with Haruhi.

When she opened her eyes, she was shocked. She had felt feminine at the twins' party, but this feeling was incomparable. She actually _felt_ beautiful, and she finally understood girls' obsessions with looking good all the time. Looking good and feeling good seemed to go hand-in-hand.

A dark grey, metallic smoky eye with black eyeliner adorned her eyelids. Long, curly fake lashes blended so seamlessly with her real lashes that she couldn't tell the difference. Her skin _glowed_, and she suddenly wanted to know how, because it made all the difference. She looked rejuvenated, fresh. A slight bronzer blush accentuated her cheekbones and a clear gloss made her lips look full and pouty.

Haruhi felt her hair, surprised at how real the extensions looked. There were soft, black curls cascading just past Haruhi's shoulders, and Haruhi decided immediately that she _had_ to grow out her hair.

"What do you think?" asked Manamo, pleased by Haruhi's awe.

"It's…" Haruhi gaped, staring at her reflection, "_Magic_."

Manamo raised her eyebrows, looking just slightly smug. "Well that's a new compliment. A good one, for sure."

Haruhi turned around to face Manamo. "You have no idea what this means to me."

Manamo smiled at her. "I think I do. Once upon a time I found my soul mate too."

"And how did it end?" asked Haruhi.

Manamo shrugged. "I didn't have a wonderful salon owner to guide me, so I made some mistakes. But for however short a time, I was part of a whole."

This discouraged Haruhi. "How do I know I won't make mistakes too?"

"You will make mistakes, and that's the beauty of love. Sometimes those mistakes make you who you are, you have to decide that for yourself."

* * *

Haruhi sat nervously in the back of the car that had come to pick her up. Every few minutes she would smooth out her dress or tap her foot neurotically. It had dawned on her about ten minutes before that car came that there would, in fact, be other guests at this wedding, not just Kyouya and herself. She had to meet his _father_, and all of his eloquent, educated friends from abroad. Suddenly her feelings for Kyouya became minute in the face of those other guests.

The car stopped and the driver opened the door for her. She stepped out carefully, not wanting to trip in her heels.

And there was Kyouya, standing casually on the steps, his hands in his suit pocket.

Haruhi's breath caught in her throat. He looked so handsome and _debonair._

She walked up the steps slowly, her hands shaking just slightly.

She stopped in front of him, looking him straight in the eye.

"You look nice," she said quietly.

"You look stunning," said Kyouya, looking over her, his eyes moving from her hair to her face, down her body and finally to her feet, and back up again.

She blushed and looked down at the ground, pleased.

"Come in, everyone's sitting in the parlor," he said, offering her his arm.

She took it and gave him a small, nervous smile in return.

It had been two months since Haruhi had been inside Kyouya's house. She remembered every detail, having been in it so many times. Her eyes lingered on the large, ornate paintings and of course, the grand, crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling.

He led her to the parlor, a room she hadn't been in more than once. It was a fancy room and everything in it was either made of glass or porcelain. Haruhi was afraid that if she touched anything it would turn to dust.

Around two couches, five men sat, all looking rather serious.

Kyouya cleared his throat.

"Everyone, I'd like you to meet a friend, Fujioka Haruhi. She'll be joining us for dinner tonight," he said clearly.

Haruhi was certainly not expecting a round of applause, but at least some acknowledgement. The most she got was a nod from one gentleman.

Kyouya led her to two chairs seated between the couches. She sat on one carefully and folded her hands in her lap, not knowing what to do.

Kyouya went on, "Haruhi is a friend from school. She's a brilliant student, she's at Ouran on scholarship."

One man actually wrinkled his nose at that statement. Now they all knew she wasn't rich, she was attending Ouran on _scholarship_.

Kyouya cleared his throat again. "Well, Haruhi, let me introduce you to everyone."

He gestured to the couch nearest them, on which three men were sitting.

"Professor Wilhelm Dietfried, a renowned biology researcher for the Humboldt University of Berlin. Mr. Klaus Eberhard, who owns a manufacturing company based in Hamburg, Germany. And this, of course, is my father, Yoshio Otori."

As he introduced each of them, Haurhi nodded and smiled politely. And in return, surprisingly, they smiled at her, though not Kyouya's father.

Gesturing to the next couch, Kyouya continued, "This is Dr. Antonin Didier, a neuroscientist from Nice, France. And lastly, Mr. Colin Wesley, a lawyer living in London, England."

He spoke in Japanese to her, and yet, Haruhi wondered how all of his guests understood what he was saying.

It was then that the man Klaus Eberhard turned to his right and began speaking to Kyouya's father, in Japanese. Apparently they all spoke it as they all listened to what he was saying.

Kyouya took the opportunity to lean into Haruhi and whisper, "You shouldn't be nervous. These men prey on it."

Mr. Wesley turned to Haruhi and said, politely, and in English, "Kyouya tells me you're aspiring to be a lawyer, and he's been teaching you English."

Haruhi, shocked that he spoke to her, nodded slowly, and replied, in over-enunciated English, "Yes, I am. I have very much gratitude for him."

"It's a tough life, a lawyer's," continued Mr. Wesley, "You've got to have a thick skin. You think you've got that?"

Haruhi thought over his question, chewing her lip softly.

"Yes," she said simply.

He chuckled and sipped from his drink. "I can see that, you're steeling yourself already."

Then, a maid came in and announced dinner. Everyone stood from their seats and proceeded out of the room and into the dining area. Kyouya led Haruhi by putting his hand lightly on the small of her back, and she couldn't hide the small smile that crept on her face.

* * *

Dinner was pleasant, though slightly awkward. Occasionally Mr. Wesley would say something to her, but other than that the five men engaged in a rapid-fire conversation, sometimes resulting in arguments. They were so _cultured_. It was fascinating how they slipped in and out of languages, everyone understanding the other. One would say something in French and the other would reply in German, or Mr. Wesley would say something in English and Kyouya's father would respond quickly in Japanese.

Haruhi wanted more than anything to be a part of this life. She didn't so much want the glamour or the riches, she wanted the experience and the knowledge gained from being able to travel the world and she wanted friends from different countries. Ten years from now, she dreamed about hosting a dinner such as this, with friends from around the world, all conversing and, though not showing it particularly, all having a good time.

Mostly, she and Kyouya talked quietly to each other. He seemed somehow more charming tonight. Maybe it was because he was surrounded by such eloquent people, or maybe it was because he himself was eloquent. When he partook in the others' conversations, he too slipped in and out of languages. He was just so smooth and natural about it.

Every so often Haruhi would catch his father looking at her, evaluating. She felt a chill go down her spine each time, wanting very much to know what he thought of her, though she might have an idea. Although he wasn't in any way offensive or abrasive to her, she got the feeling he might not like her.

Mr. Wesley asked, "What are you like, Haruhi? Tell us about yourself, about your life."

Haruhi hesitated. But when she answered, her voice was strong and she looked right at Kyouya's father. "I'm not rich and I'm not cultured like all of you. But I have ambition and I know what I want. I know it will be difficult, but I'm ready for it. I haven't had the easiest or even the most normal childhood, and despite that, or maybe even _because_ of that, I have grown strong."

Mr. Wesley smirked. "You've got a fire in you, young lady. I can't wait to see you years from now, handling a courtroom."

Haruhi was honored by his compliment and accepted it graciously. When she looked at Kyouya's father again, he was looking down at his plate, thinking.

By the end of dinner, the guests had more or less accepted Haruhi for everything she was. Mr. Wesley gave her his card and told her to call anytime, for which she lost her composure for a second and hugged him tightly.

Everyone was dispersing to his own respective hotels for the night, and before retreating upstairs, Kyouya's father gave her a polite nod.

"Come, I'll take you home," said Kyouya, walking outside with her to the limo.

This was the alone time Haruhi had been wanting since the night started. They both sat in the backseat, a big gaping space between them.

"You handled yourself really well tonight," said Kyouya after a few minutes.

Haruhi smiled down at her hands. "You wouldn't believe what a wreck I was before I came."

"Why's that?" asked Kyouya, genuinely curious.

"I was so nervous," Haruhi admitted. "They're all from a different world."

Kyouya shifted just slightly closer to Haruhi and looked at her as he said, "I would have never guessed that."

Haruhi raised an eyebrow questioningly.

He continued, leaning into her a bit, "You're always so composed. You're always serious and thoughtful and you never lose your cool. You're quiet and sometimes hard to comprehend, and it drives me absolutely insane trying to figure you out. But I would never, ever imagine you being anything other than headstrong and determined."

Haruhi opened her mouth, but she couldn't think of anything to say. Her mouth remained slightly open as she looked deep into Kyouya's eyes. Without any volition, Haruhi's body leaned towards his of its own accord.

Then suddenly the car stopped, and the drive opened the door for her.

She let out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding and blinked. She stepped out of the car, about to say goodbye when Kyouya stepped out too. He walked her up the stairs of her apartment building, and they stopped outside her door.

"Thank you for inviting me tonight," she said, wanting to prolong this moment, not wanting to go inside quite yet.

He leaned casually against her front door, hair falling in front of his eyes.

"These things are usually a bore for me, I'm glad you came," he replied.

They stood in silence for a minute, each second that went by had Haruhi more worried that he was going to leave.

Finally she started, "Kyouya, I -"

But he cut her off. "I've wanted to do this since you stepped out of the car at my house."

And with that, he straightened up from the door and gently grabbed her face, his lips crashing on hers.

Even though Haruhi had already had her first kiss - with a girl, no less - she felt like this was the first time. His lips were so soft and warm against hers.. She reacted to his lips and pushed back, moaning slightly. When her lips parted, his tongue surged through, playing with hers. She was surprised that she enjoyed the sensation immensely.

His hands moved from her face, through her hair, one settling on her lower back and the other across the expanse of her shoulders, holding her tight. Her arm was around his neck, bringing him closer, her other hand caressing his face.

She sighed in his mouth, forgetting everything but the feel of his body and his lips against hers.

After a few seconds, Kyouya pushed her into the wall, making her moan again.

Haruhi had absolutely no experience when it came to romance and physicality. She was, in most respects, just a little girl when it came to these things, even though she was almost a grown woman. She wasn't going to lie, she had never felt anything to good in her entire life.

Of its own accord, her leg wrapped itself around his waist, bringing him closer. She hugged his neck as his hands felt her body, moving from her stomach upward. His lips left hers and were kissing her neck now.

"Kyouya," she breathed, her head resting against the wall.

"You're beautiful," he whispered in her ear.

His lips were back on hers, kissing her fiercely, almost possessively.

They heard a dog barking in the background and they broke apart, though Kyouya still had her pinned to the wall.

"I've got to go," he breathed, almost panting. He straightened himself up, fixing the wrinkles in his jacket and regaining his composure.

Haruhi was speechless.

He leaned in, his nose nuzzling her neck, and kissed her cheek quickly before leaving.

Haruhi stood outside for another few minutes, her mind absolutely blown, before going inside.

* * *

Back at the Otori house, Kyouya was just coming in through the front door.

He had kissed many girls in his life, but no kiss had ever been as passionate or as pleasurable as that.

His father was having a drink by himself when he came in.

"Kyouya," he called.

Kyouya sighed. He'd been hoping to slip into his room unnoticed.

Entering the parlor for the second time that night, Kyouya faced his father.

"Your friend…Fujioka," he started.

"Father, I know she's not -" Kyouya tried to cut her off.

Kyouya's father said loudly, "She's not rich, that's for certain. She's not in any way what we've raised you to go after."

Kyouya squared his shoulders, waiting for the big blow.

"But she's a hard-worker. She's got ambition. You can't choose the family you're born into, but you can sure as hell choose the life you'll live. She's chosen an upstanding life. And some would say, money earned is more respectable than money received," said Kyouya's father cryptically.

Kyouya understood, however, what he was really trying to say. In his own way, he approved of Haruhi. Better than that, he might even like Haruhi.

Out of all the girls Kyouya had brought home, none had ever received praise or even acknowledgment from his father. His father had distaste for all the shallow, unintelligent girls who Kyouya slept with.

Praising a girl of no social class, however, was something not only never done before, but something previously deemed impossible.

Kyouya smiled slightly.

"Yes, some would say that, father," he replied.


End file.
